Not much to update...plan B is difficult. First couple of weeks weren't bad, but then W started closing the distance between us. It's difficult trying to balance respecting myself and my boundaries and wanting to be close to W. I find myself making excuses...as long as she is initiating, as long as I have no expectations, etc etc. That said, things are pretty good on .
I have this t shirt lol! It s currently up for sale on Craig's list with The hamster wheel I bought off of PON......
I'm going to steal this from Joel Osteen today as I think it's relevant to where I'm at, and good advice for all:
Quote:
If you are currently in a storm, God is saying, “Rise above it. Quit fighting. Quit trying to change things that only I can change.Trust in Me."
Oh, I just wrote this down. I will read it. Every. Day!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Been a while since I posted a status, but I saw my attorney this morning so I figure I probably should post something.
As far as Plan B goes, still sucking at it. I think I can safely say I have not truly implemented.
Day to day, things are about the same....really good for the most part.
We've had quite a few stressors this past week....most of it related to S18. He has been making some poor choices, and with college (and student loans) on the horizon, he's scaring the crap out of W and I.
I have really been angry with him...more angry than I've been in a long long time so I've had to spend some time thinking about why. I think a lot of it is because some of the things I didn't like about myself, he's making me take a look at again. For instance, I have done a lot of work on being controlling and given his behavior, I've had to start being "controlling," although from a parenting perspective instead of spousal. All the monitoring him, enforcing rules, etc....not fun stuff. Logically, I don't think I'm being controlling...but there's a feeling that comes with it that I really do not like.
W's behavior has been mostly the same, but I am seeing slight positives. She's started kissing me bye sometimes, telling me she loves me occasionally, even telling me she's jealous when I have fun without her. I took my sister to dinner a week or so ago and I got "how come you never ask me to dinner?" Then, a couple of days ago she asked me to go to lunch which we haven't done in ages. Could just be distance / pursuit dynamic, but maybe not.
Attorney meeting went ok this AM. We basically drafted my initial response and the only thing I didn't like was I wasn't able to deny the claim that the marriage is broken. Based on my state's rules, it doesn't really matter much, but I wanted to make the point. But making that point would have put me on a different path than presenting the settlement agreement, which I deem as more important at this point. I expect we'll finish that this week and send over to her attorney next week, so it will be interesting to see if W decides to discuss it, sign it, or ignore it.
On the GAL front, I'm 8 weeks into Body Beast and am seeing good results, golf league started last week, and I'm still hanging with my sister and brothers occasionally. A buddy of mine wants me to check out Crossfit, so I might do that, though I'm leaning more towards doing Hash runs (for those who don't know, "A hash is a run with beer at the beginning, middle, and end.")
Hash run, I've always maintained that if they put a liquor store every couple of clicks I would finish a heck of a lot faster.....
"Controlling" a child and controlling a spouse are two very different things. I can see why though, it brings back a bad taste. What kind of poor decisions? Out of character decisions? If so, you have to ask yourself what else is going on? Could be that it is all becoming real for him. 18 is still a baby, psychologically his brain still has another 7 or 8 years before he is fully capable of stopping the "That looks like a good idea, why not?" impulse.
Do any of these poor choices have dire consequences? Is he just scared maybe that he is growing up?
Interesting evening. First "fight" we've had in a long time.
I will say, W is under a lot of stress. There's a number of things in play here and I understand her frustration....but it's all "external" stuff, so taking it out on the family is crap.
Start my day off by getting new paperwork from her attorney...asking all sorts of questions and wanting all our financials. Yay me! So I wasn't in a great mood myself really, and honestly, my work is pretty stressful right now too.
W comes home, makes some jokes, tells me more shitty news regarding her work and such. I mentioned the attorney papers and she bails to makes dinner. I worked out. When I finish, W is 4-5 beers in and dropping F bombs like they are going out of style. I'm pretty foul mouthed myself, but every 3rd word even seems excessive to me. I ask her to tone it down, she gets irate, but settles down.
Then S13 says something in jest about making a robot that would punch his mom in the face. I realize that sounds bad, but it really was in fun and she plays with them like that, so I didn't think anything of it. She did....and proceeded to flip out.
Eventually I dismissed the kids and then W decided she'd take it out on me. She said the most hateful things....ranging from D papers, to wanting me dead, to insinuating she screwed around on me. There was talk about how much of an @sshole I was for "10 years" and she went on and on about how I wouldn't stand for S13 to say such a thing about my "next girlfriend"...just dumb. At one point, I did tell her to shut up (I know...I blew a fuse for a split second), but after that, I just settled in and said "ok" to everything. She told me I wasn't a man, I was Mr. Passive now, etc, etc.
I realized after the "shut up" comment that she was pressing buttons....and moving quickly from one to the next to try to get a response. When she got none, she started throwing [censored]....broke my favorite cutting board...that's shitty.
I did try to defuse it multiple times before it got out of hand, but she wasn't having that. I even told her once that I thought all her work related stress was what this was about, but again, that didn't work. At one point she told me she didn't want anything from me but to be D'd and to give her what she wants. Her last ditch effort to piss me off was saying "don't get in 'my bed' tonight" to which I responded, "it's mine too." She said some other things after, which honestly, are making me consider the guest room.
Will be interesting to see how she reacts next week when she gets my settlement offer. I'm kinda hoping she signs it at this point. I want off the crazy train.
