Correct! I returned my ticket for a refund...I hope I don't buy another one anytime soon.
I picked the kids up, I was kind & left. Immediately. Being with my kids is the best!!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Oh, thank you everyone for all of your help and words this weekend.
Journal:
After yesterday and doing my morning prayers and journaling, I really had to get gut level honest with myself. My H has placed this family in a seriously high drama situation with very unstable people. One of them being him. As painful as reading that text he send OWX was, I see it for what it is worth. My H is not the man I knew. He is desparate and he is spiraling out of control. This behavior is childish and recklass. From him to have gotten this mans phone number to text, is just ridiculous. And for this dumb woman to insight these men against each other...I have no words. I need to get out of the way, and protect myself and my children.
I saved the FB message from saturday night. I had deleted the previous conversation. I will see a lawyer in the next week to get advice. I do NOT want these people in my life. I do not want my children exposed to this.
I am already very pulled back from H, I don't text or call unless I absolutely have to regarding the children. But, I plan on no more family time. Only in public and very limited. Tomorrow night is S3's school concert. I had texted H the info last week and normally I would remind him about it. This time, I will not. Easter I had asked for the kids, and said that maybe we could all do something together, but when it gets closer I will just ask for them.
He is going out of town this weekend for a race and I have the kids. I will also not ask him what night this week he will come see them. I have already made plans. He should have asked sooner.
I really can't believe this sitch I find myself in. I feel like the only adult. But, it is what it is. I have support and I have you all. I am truly grateful. I have changed so much through this experience, and know that I will continue to change more. Peeling those layers as labug says. It's so hard. I have these times that feel so crazy and painful and I just want to lay in bed forever...but then my babies, ah my sweet babies!!! They are my saving Grace. I am so blessed!! The pain will ebb and flow, I will continue to feel. I just have to take these lessons and guard my heart better.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Ahh Tallula I am sorry for what you have been through these past several days... You seem to have gotten yourself back onto stable ground.
It's true that one person needs to be the adult and that it's best to step out of the way of the crazy train. It's fast it's furious and it will bring you down.
The layers that come off while we journey on our paths are deep and sometimes painful. But each one reveals new growth and light for ourselves. And as we shed these layers we find strength that we never knew we possessed.
I am sitting with you on the blanket. We can watch our kids play while we has some cool lemonade.
((((())))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I agree you need to protect yourself. Your H is acting irrationally. Your children are fortunate to have you. You are their rock, their stability, their one stable parent who is acting in their best interests.
I hear you about the layers- it IS hard. VERY hard. Expect to cycle back around at times. Expect that the emotions you thought you have worked through will come around again and again. BUt each time they do you will be in a different place to handle them. Until someday they won't be so consuming and eventually you will be able to thought-control them.
This is what I am learning.
You ARE a different person. So am I. Everyone on this journey changes. But because we are fortunate enough to have this amazing support group here, we will save ourselves. We will come out of this a better person through this personal growth and awareness.
And, one day we will look back from a place of unbelieveable happiness and say, God, thank you for taking me on this journey. I trusted that You would guide me to this place of peace.
But, the only way to get there is to do all the hard work first.
You are doing great, T! !
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I'm reading Facing Codependence by Pia mellody. Besides seeing how it manifests in your life, it really takes you through boundary setting. This is clearly an area of my life that is new & needs work
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
When times got crazy at the beginning (and trust me, they did) I set huge boundaries to protect myself as well. The sitch you see me in now, is very different from where I was in November of last year, even December. They helped me focus on myself, my kids and get myself back from a very dark place.
I am glad you will see a lawyer. H went through a period of conflicting emotions concerning what I should do (with house, kids etc) where I should live...okay, he was on the crazy train.....so I saw a lawyer to get advice and also I have D papers drawn- but that is in concert with my own private timeline.
You need to protect you and the babies first. Boundaries and lawyer are good starts
Even when H practically hated me in the beginning, he has always said I can take everything since he is the one who has been lying and done this. He hasn't wavered on that, surprisingly.
That being said, I really need advice on several issues. Most importantly is that I was a stay at home mom for 3 years, then started part time a year and a half ago. After his lease is up in June, we will almost be out of savings & we have no extra money to support his apartment. I live in a no fault state & CS is put into a formula according to income. It has been suggested by many to not work anymore days than I am because it would effect what I would get in CS. And, if I work full time I will make more than H.
Also I've been writing down exactly how much he sees the kids, should he want 50% physical custody, which also effects CS. Because...he barely has them 2 days a week now. If he would truly have them 50% of the time, I'd have no issues. So anyway. I just need info.
Ah, boundaries. I thought I had done well, but then BAM. So I will keep us being alone to a minimum. I'm way better than I use to be. Progress not perfection. My life will be calm. Stable. Happy. His & OW can be crazy drama. Have fun with that...
Big progress!!! I logged onto our banking & saw how much $ he has left until the end of may... Omg?!? He has spent so much money for this race I have no idea how he will make this money last. But, I did nothing. I'm putting it out of my mind. His problem. Total 180. TOTAL!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Ya...I am the boundary shifting queen myself. I have been SAHM pretty much for whole marriage, part time sure, but not even one fifth H's salary. So, I had lawyer figure out exactly what I was entitled to for CS and alimony, until I am done Master's. I also had her figure out future scenarios and asked a bunch of questions about pension plans etc. It was very informative and really put my mind at ease.
My H has always said he would support us until my degree was done and then until I had a job, but things change, so I wanted to be absolutely sure we were provided for in case H went totally batsh%t lol!!
Good for you about 180 and money, it will enter you mind, trust me, but you say "This is not my choice..."
Your h is different from mine on financial stuff so i dont really have advice just thoughts. The point of CS and spousal is what do the kids need and what will get you back on your feet. Not what is the way to get the most.
If h takes care of the kids 48 hours a week where hes responsible for whatever their expenses are then, then lower cs seems reasonable, and if its 50% then even lower cs, and more time cared for by dad is usually good for kids. But if realistically hes going to do a lot less than best for the kids is max cs to you.
Is it best for the kids for you to work fulltime and get childcare? For me it is not. For smaller kids maybe it makes sense for you. If its best that you stay part time then ask for spousal that enables you to do that and get by. Remember spousal support is taxable income to you.
In my case im being told the judge will not likely agree that i should be part time and that my income will likely be extrapolated to a hypothetical full time amount when spousal support is considered. My l is probably trying to set my expectations realistically /low. You should have info from your l before making a decision not to try to earn more, to ensure your expected outcome is realistic.
But i would just hope a judge wd just want to throw the book at an adulterer leaving a pregnant wife and small kids, like you.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
