Ok, strong T...gone. Enter messed up big time, now a sobbing mess T.
I seriously need guidance.
So, H and I had a great 24 hours. Lots of positives, great convos "I don't know what will happen with us, but I can see a future.." blah blah, I'm an idiot & slept with him. Yes, I did. He was affectionate, we ran in a st pats race, did the parade, he took a nap, woke up & looked at his phone. Bam, was short with me, said I was being sensitive. It wasn't fights or anything, just a little snippy. I joked that I guess our limit on time together was 24 hours. He left with the kids.
OWs X had messaged me "hey" the night before & I ignored it. I wanted contact ceased. Well, I'm in a meeting and I get this message : Please get control of your husband before he starts something he can't finish: I just received a text from him (I have not told OW we've chatted) but she obviously didn't like it when I pointed out to her that the ring she's wearing is representing a broken home & hurt. A ring that H gave her while I was in Rehab.
Next thing I know, she won't allow me to take my kids to dinner & I receive this text from your hubby:
"I wanted to thank you for being a (word that rhymes with hussy) Cause of that sexy OW's name and i are having an amazing time. I am surprised u drive that truck with as many times many name has been called out in it. Please let me know if u want to meet and talk. I bet u keep bullying people instead".
Well, #1 I messaged him that I can't hear things like this, no more. Then I started sobbing & ran out of the meeting. One of the woman I know followed me out, and I ended up telling her evetything.
I'm so hurt. I'm so mad at myself for Pretending for just a little bit that their was hope. That my hubby & I might have a chance. That I so easily lowered my self worth just to feel some love from this man.
I'm waiting for my sponsor to call me back. I just don't know what to do. Clearly her X is not stable. Not that I didn't know that, but now I am wondering if I tell H about the messaging before her X blurts it out to OW to "get her back". My H is incredibly unstable right now. Im torn as tonwhat tondo. Plus H texted all this to the guy either with me here or with my kids.
I feel like I'm in a crazy soap opera. I just feel so lost. Help! I feel a bit back at square one. I feel played. Like, I'll just keep her over here in case I desire this one isn't where I'm going...
Advice, help!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Secondly, don't beat yourself up about sleeping w your H. You love him and were looking for that from him--any of us might make the same decision in your situation.
Third, let yourself feel the way you do. It is the only way through this, even though it is very hard.
Fourth, (((((((((((((((((hugs to you))))))))))))))))))))))
This is the roller coaster ride. UP and down and loop-d-loops. Your H is not thinking straight at all.
But, you are not crazy to have hope. That's why we are here. Even when things seem hopeless.
I'm glad you told OW's X that you can't hear these things any more. He should not be enlisting your help to get to her. It is not healthy for you.
Take care, T! You will get through this difficult time & tough T will reappear stronger!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I was wondering, do you know for sure that your husband sent thise messages to OWs X? I mean if this guy is really that unstable and desperate to end your H and his W affair, couldnt he fabricate this? Did you get a typed out message or a screen shot showing the message actually came from your H?
I need that sounds weird, but if this guy is following the tactics of a theory like marraigebuilders style, he will stop at nothing to break their R up, even if it involves lies and fabrication. You know that tactic is designed to make the affair as uncomfortable as possible, and having you feel hurt and angry increases the likelyhood that you blow up at your H.
Just a thought. Not sure how sure you are that he actually wrote those messages.
Keep your head up. Your husband would be lucky to have you, and that is the truth. He will realize it one way or another!
Dont feel bad for sleeping with him. That makes him the one who used you. Why cant you feel some power in that yiu perhaps used him! I know that sounds bad, but I mean you need some love too. I think women are quick to feel used by a man because of how society raises little girls to not 'give' themselves to a man unless he deserves it. But you can induoge in some selfishness right now, if you feel like it. You enjoyed it, and you had fun. He didnt use you, you didnt lower your self worth, you used him and raised your power in the R. I am no expert, just a regular guy giving his opinion. If you can project this mentality that he is a toy to you right now, and if he senses it, he will feel weak and lesser and will want to pursue to shift the power to himself.
The vets will probably have a field day with my comments, but im just saying how I would feel if I thought my wife was using me for sex. As a man I would want to turn the tables and that would involve a lot of my thoughts and probably divert me from OW. Men enjoy the power of knowing they can have you at any time. But if they sense you are just playing them, it becomes a challenge to change that.
Again, I am not expert. I tell it like I have seen it in my time in his world. And I see a hurting comrade, who feels down. Yiu have been there for me, and so I must be here for you. Yiu had some fun. Big deal. Just dont let him get used to it or it will stroke his ego too much. You take control of if and when he gets any!
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Thanks GTO. I really feel like an idiot. Because he is totally cake eating. He said so many things last night, ahhh. I mean, I get that he has felt me pull away. He does know that I'm ok with this ending. It's not like he said lets get back together, cause neither of us are close to there. I just got my hopes up a bit. I ket myself dream a bit. But...knight in shinning armor to the rescue for his damsel. Meanwhile, just dangle the strong, preggo wife who takes care of your kids. He's going away on an adventure race next weekend so I get the kuds 7 days.
Ugh!!! I'm not going to act on anything. That is amazing & a true gift. Because that is NOT what OWs X is doing. My H has anger issues & is just plain crazy right now. He would love nothing more than an opportunity to just get into a fight, so I see this as that.
I plan to block OWs H on FB so that this ends. But, I figured that could send him into pissed off world & he tells OW we messaged. I need to really think about what to do. H will LOSE his mind. But, do I want to be the bearer of that news?
Again, can I run away?
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
One more thing. He might feel his is slick because he got you in bed without giving up his OW. But turn him down next time and watch him become a man who is desperate for you and has to prove to himself you cant resist him. Its a game that men like to play sometimes,.......
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
SM- actually it's not really even the sex that bothers me so much. I am someone that can see it as a fun act. I have really had no hang ups about it since finding out, I just use protection. It's that I let myself get emotional. Ack!!
It's seems exactly like a text my H would send. Really it more ego, let's piss this guy off so he'll fight me, than i am in love with OW. Plus, her X is in a new R. They are done, hes just bewly sober & pissed!! I know it sounds weird, but my H is in a really dark place. When we were still drinking he would purposely pick fights with guys in bars. Even today he was marshaling the parade & got into a few verbal altercations. Nothing crazy, but I know him well.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Sweet lord. I will stay pulled back and NOT sleep with him next time he tries. I turned him down about 5 times before that. Yeah, in a matter of a week & a half... And we saw each other 5 times..
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
