Bklyn With Love

[grr]

urworthy ( u certainly are) those are very wise words.........and at my core i know you are right
it's just seeing through all this muck
and i feel like i'm standing in the middle
stuck and unable to move

i will get there
one foot in front of the other

[BklynMom]

I had a great day and it was so nice to read these boards through out the day and know I had support out there.

Then tonight...

After I call to say goodnight to the girls, H calls me back to ask if I know that my father/lawyer will not look at the financials until he is receives an affidavit of net worth. I told him I didnt know that but I know my father has been asking for this affidavit for several months. H tells me thought in december this divorce was close to being over. Now he is get on his lawyer.

Why is he calling me with this crap? I have a lawyer. He can talk to his lawyer who can talk to my lawyer. Talking to me about this crap is abuse. It hurts my feelings to help him leave his family.

Here is the email I thinking of sending him.

Hey H

I know this process is really confusing and hard. It would help me greatly if we could use the lawyers to discuss any aspects of the divorce. It is still very upsetting to me that our daughters will not be raised in a two parent home and conversations about our divorce hurt me.

I am happy to communicate regarding co-parenting aspects as we have been but about our divorce is really too much.

Bklyn

What do you guys think

[grr]

i think you should send it, i am on the fence about telling him it hurts you, he must know that.

but at the same time, you have nothing to lose by saying that

and i think its good to let him know you would rather be contacted by the lawyer
really, i know that must be painful for you
this whole thing is just awful
i feel for you
i really do
but you will get past this, as will i

[wishing, hoping]

Just my two cents, but my H says that crap too. Doesn't want to work through the lawyers to "save money" which is a load of bull. He can't intimidate you through a lawyer. That's the real reason. He knows it hurts you and he's hoping to catch you in a weak moment so you will give in. That's my opinion. H does this and then throws in emotional statements that he knows will either hurt or scare me to weaken me. Do not let your guard down.

I swear BK your H and Mine are like brothers from another mother.

[uRworthy]

Sweetie, send it if you feel you want to.

I would make a couple of changes. Just my opinion.

Hey H

I know this process is really confusing and hard. It would help me greatly if we could use the lawyers to discuss any aspects of the divorce as it is difficult for me to talk about it with you.

I am happy to continue to communicate regarding co-parenting aspects as we have been.

Here's why. When you say something again about your children and you say that it hurts you, he thinks, there goes B again.

He knows it hurst you and he knows how you feel about the children. You've said several times, I'm sure. So no need to say it again, right?

So, now you've told him what you want. And so, you need to stick to it. Whenever he begins to talk to you, you need to tell him to go through the lawyers.

Do not be afraid to speak your mind. I agree that it is a means of intimidation. Dont allow it.

You can do this, B.

[BeingMe]

FWIW, I wouldn't send an email. You've told him to go through the lawyers, so whenever he tries to sneak in a comment about the divorce, either put the phone down, or just say, "speak to your lawyer." Sending an email may appear weak, because he's getting you to communicate about the divorce, even if only to explain.

Just a thought.

[job]

B,
I agree w/the other posters...any time that he brings up the situation about the divorce and/or paperwork, advise him to speak to his lawyer.

Please don't send the email to him...he already knows how you feel about things and you do not need to repeat yourself about the divorce.

[BklynMom]

Hmmm. A lot to think about.

Yes maybe a better idea is to just be prepared next time he does this and say "could you speak to your L about this"

It feels good to see the changes Ive made. The old me would have sent him a crazy email last night but the new me drafted a sane email and is thinking about my next steps. Love it

[uRworthy]

B, your decision. And that's a good thing.

And maybe you could say, "Please speak to your lawyer about this." Subtle change, but, an important one, ya know?

And good for you for seeing a change and loving it.

[Mtnman]

Seeing you handle yourself so well gives me hope for myself. Stay strong Bklyn!