It's funny that you say that...my H has not actually said the D word to me in terms of wanting a D.
He's said things like, "I wonder why people get D?" "Did you know so-and-so are getting D?" "Hey, guess who I ran into today- he got D."
But, I think he's throwing that word around to his dad as when I met w FIL on Wed his dad said something like, "Your H told me not to spend the day talking about D." I was a little taken aback, since he has not talked about that w me.
I guess it's an inevitable possibility so I mustn't let the word define me or my path. You're right.
I did go out w some co-workers after work today. TGIF. It was not to get out w people who don't all know the nuts & bolts of my life & NOT talk about my sitch.
Kitty is keeping us pretty busy & distracted in a happy way at home. She is such a cuddler! She has slept right beside me the past two nights! Not exactly the "wow" factor of a good man but she'll do for now! ...still no agree-upon name.
S13's bday is Monday so we will laser tag on Sunday & maybe go out to dinner w him. I'm hoping H will NOT be part of the plans, but we'll see. No extended family party as H's family are all battling their health issues and my family lives far away.
Took down more pictures of H in the house. Just feels like what I need to do. He either hasn't noticed or commented.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I am in a very, very low place right now. I've been here before and know it will pass, but I can't stop crying.
I'm having a hard time accepting what is.
I forced myself to go out alone to a movie tonight. That was fine & I was okay there. However, I lied to my H and told him I was going out w a meetup group to socialize ...invented a story that the tennis group that I was going to meet w decided to just make it a social since courts weren't available.
He questioned me about how I came upon "this group." Told him I googled a sports and fitness group to meet up w and came upon this one & found one of there events was to play indoor tennis (all true).
He noticed I had taken off all 3 rings he'd had given me on my right hand & before I left said "your rings are on the counter if you want them." Interesting.
He also clearly made a "sound" which I interpreted as "you aren't going out looking like that!" when I came downstairs. Of course he said nothing.
I told him I would be home at bedtime for the boys so he didn't have to stay late and so they didn't need to sleepover at his aptmt. My movie was later than I thought so I texted him at 10 and asked him if he minded if he put the boys to bed and I would be home at 11.
"Yes, he would mind," he said. So I texted him back saying, "No problem, just thought I would ask."
When I got home he was obviously upset (again) and then we got into things about the day. This included a last minute change in S13's birthday plans to do lasertag & dinner today, which I invited H to come (last minute,I'll admit). He commented on how he felt he should have been called about the switch in plans earlier. I said we just decided before S9's basketball game which is when I told you and invited you.
We got into this 10 minute discussion/argument about the boys and when/where he gets to spend "quality time" w them. I told him I didn't really want to be around him when he's here (at the house) but that I still feel strongly about boys having one home. Without going into it all here...he left in a huff.
But, he called me on his way back to his apartment and said he didn't want us to get into arguments where the boys were concerned as we were never ones to fight/argue so why start now.
He said maybe we can find time to talk tomorrow about the weekend time w the boys.
I am crying b/c of where we are at and the fact that it comes back to the reality that I know I can't be w my boys all the time any more. But, I can't seem to let this go!
And, also my H said on the phone how "proud" he is that I'm "getting out there and meeting new people" which is what he thought I was doing tonight, but wasn't. It was like he's cheering me on to move on w my life so he can move on w his.
Can't stop crying. It just hurts sooooooo much!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Time without your kids is hard. Bottom line. When I get down about it, like today when my niece was saying her ABCs and I had to leave the room because D2 & she ate the same age & she kept asking for her, I told myself "do you want to be better, or bitter!?!" it's my mantra now.
We've been dealt a crappy hand. Sob!cry! Feel it!! But know that this won't break you. You will not feel this way forever!!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
GTO, this is another opportunity to pick yourself back up and take action. Find a new activity to do for you. Don't wallow in the negative emotions. There is so much I'd like to tell you, and wish my book was ready NOW so you could read it! But for now, don't resist the pain. Let it be. Then, take some positive action today. The boys are your children regardless of how much time you spend with them.
This too shall pass. Please try (I know it is hard), like Tori said, to let yourself feel your emotions and let them go through you. Accept that you feel low, cry it out and then continue doing what YOU need to do to get your PMA back. All of this is so hard. Know that and keep fighting the good fight. You can do this.
Can we take something positive out of this maybe? I was thinking that this doesn't seem so negative...
he didn't want us to get into arguments where the boys were concerned as we were never ones to fight/argue so why start now.
If you can work as partners with regards to the boys, that seems to be a very positive step for where things are right now.
Hang on there GTO. You are not alone.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hang on there, GTO. I know it feels when your WAS tells you that he is happy about you meeting new people and going out. My H told me that I would have no problems finding a new partner. He also told our friends that he was glad that I was making new friends. But then I learnt from the same friends (female) that he made a comment which made me think that he was a bit upset that I was going out.
Recently I’ve been thinking about this a lot. It seems to be a pattern here on the board when WAS wants LBS to start going out and dating. Part of it could the guilt. But, in my case, I’m not sure if my H feels the guilt. We don’t have kids at home (my son is 25), and I was not begging and crying, so he probably had no idea that I was quite a mess for the first few months. I remember times when I split up with my first XH. He cheated, so I kicked him out. After a while he was asking to come back, but I was already over him, and I remember I was care less if he dated anybody or not. So, I’m thinking why my current H is pushing me to get on with my life. If he is not in love with me, then why would he care? I think it might showed in my attitude (vibe) that I was still holing a hope for us to get back together, this is why he was saying this.
GTO, I think your H also feels that you are trying to save your M with him, so he is pushing you away. I bet as soon as he feels a change in your attitude, he will not be saying these words anymore. I know it is very hard to let go, but it seems to be the only chance to turn the dynamics in your favor. Try to think about all the positives you have in your life, and try not think about what your H is doing or saying. I hope you feel better. Hugs!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
...still no agree-upon name.