Not sure if many people remember me or my sitch. Just want to update. As low as we can get on here and those of you know that know my sitch where my wife committed suicide in Augest of 2011 can attest to how low i became. There is life after failed attempts to reconcile. The sun will in fact come up and life does in fact go on and its up to each and every one of us to determine how we do that. GAL is very difficult indeed, almost impossible as long as we allow ourselves to stay stuck. Now in my sitch, i had NO choice but to move on. She didnt divorce me, she simply died and I was convinced i would never see another real happy day. I went through a very infantile stage if you will, where i dated a number of woman and was intimate with a few in hopes that things would improve, they did not. As cliche as it sounds, when you least expect it , somebody will come into your life if you allow that opening to materialize. And now , i cannot believe how happy i am since i have found a lovely lady that stimulates me in every way. Sometimes we put our exes on a pedestal and see only the good. Now that the fog has finally cleared, i can see some truths.
1) Her death was NOT my fault despite my earlier self loathing 2)She was a beautiful person and i did love her, but i am capable of finding love again with someone that is even more compatible and will love me for who i am 3) She cheated on me and did not value me as a person. But she didnt value herself either. 4) Life does go on and since its the only one we get, we better start living life. Love that quote from Shawshank "either get busy living or get busy dying"
I have chosen the latter despite some crazy hard days and nights. Sometimes i didnt think i would make it.
Im only one story,, but I now know that my wife did not define who i am.
Peace all
Nine
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Nine, thank you for that post. I'm sorry for all you went through. But it is so important to be reminded that our spouse does not define us, nor does our divorce, marital situation, bad habits, or anything. We get to define ourselves.
I'm so glad for where you are in life now.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Wow 9, I just can't imagine what you went through. I seen your screen name before but was not familiar with your sitch...But I'm glad you are doing better. Yes we all hit lows on this board but I'm glad to have find this place.
Keep living 9, you're doing great.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Your story is about as tragic as it gets, but it's great to hear you've gotten past the pain and have found a place of joy again, maybe even greater joy than before Certainly that's a message of hope for all of us. Congrats to you!
Nine I am in awe. So glad you checked in. I have about your sitch on the boards I starting coming here right around the time of your W suicide. You are so right about the Shawshank quote we need to remind ourselves its our choice which path to take.
I am copying down your list and rewritting to fit my sitch.
Thanks for giving back to us by your uplifting post
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
