I am so sorry I know how hurtful that was especially coming from your W. My H said some of the most hurtful things to me that anyone has ever said. Seems to have no recollation of them either and in the next converstation acts friendly.
Take care of you and your S. Try not to think about what your w is feeling or thinking. I know it is hard it does get easier in time.
Thank you for all the recent comments. They do offer me so much support.
Everything that has happened has made me realise just how much my Wife has changed - I need to work out now whether I actually want to be with this new woman... Although, I do see glimpses of my old Wife - when we told our Son about my Dad, she was crying and holding my hand - comforting me - that's my real Wife!
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Intact, I just read up on your sitch. Man, I'm sorry for your loss, take care of yourself. I'm praying for everyone involved. Be strong, be courageous and be bold.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Intact, I just read up on your sitch. Man, I'm sorry for your loss, take care of yourself. I'm praying for everyone involved. Be strong, be courageous and be bold.
Thank you Subguy - that's very much appreciated.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Another tough day today as I'm writing my speech for my Dads funeral. I just wish she was here with me... helping me.
Wednesday is also what should be our 9th Wedding Anniversary so I also know that's going to be a difficult day.
On Friday my Wife will be at the funeral - not with me though - with her Mother. I am interested in how she will react etc even though i realise I can't control it.
W is having a lot of problems with our 8 year old Son - he keeps swearing at her - he's obviously very angry. I have him tonight so I need to talk too him about this - it's difficult though because honestly when he's here he's such a kind hearted and helpful boy.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
So I'm finding a little easier to detach from my W but I do wonder if its my best course of action... I think I was pretty detached in her eyes throughout our marriage. And now I can't help but wonder if its a case of out of sight, out of mind.
It just seems like I'm making her life with OM too easy for her.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Yet another hard day today as I finish writing my speech for my dads funeral.
I initiate no contact with my wife but I am scared - I think she feels I was detached throughout our marriage - will she not see this as more of the same?
It was obviously false but at the start of December my life seemed so perfect. No my family is ruined and my dad is dead.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Your family is different, not ruined. Your son is healthy, right? You have a good relationship with him? You are his family and will always be. The perfect family you thought you had in December was false. Would you rather have a false perfect family?
It really suxx to have your dreams dashed, but life will go on and you will heal.
For now, get through your dad's funeral and go easy on yourself about everything else. There's time for that. (((hugs)))
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Just getting caught back up on others sitch's and I'm so sorry for your loss. You, your son, and your family will be in my prayers.
I know how much you're hurting right now but try not to let all the negative thoughts consume you. As adinva mentioned start looking at the good stuff in your life. Also remember the good times you had with your father. Those are memories and life lessons that can never be taken from you.
Originally Posted By: Intact
W is having a lot of problems with our 8 year old Son - he keeps swearing at her - he's obviously very angry. I have him tonight so I need to talk too him about this - it's difficult though because honestly when he's here he's such a kind hearted and helpful boy.
How is your son doing? You need to stay as strong as you can for him because he's going through a lot right now too and I'm guessing you're his rock. You might be surprised at just how much comfort he will give back to you in these circumstances. A hug from my D seems to make almost everything go away for me...
Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
As you have likely been advised and read among these pages, you need to look after yourself. Prepare for the reality of a permanent break up of your family. Doing so with help you move forward and detach in a way that will help you survive this tragedy.
Finally, think about how your W would react if you were to stop being affected by her spew. How might she react if you were to totally and completely detach? If you can do this though, you can't do so with the thought of getting her to come around. It has to be so that you can survive and thrive on your own. Afterall, isn't your reality today anyway?
This is great advice so I wanted to make sure you read it again. This is exactly the spot that I'm in. Just the mindset change that the word "family" for me now means my kids and I changed everything. It's hard, no doubt, but I now feel like I'm ready to take the next step towards moving forward with MY life.
As far as detaching I think you need to do this for you right now. With the things your W has said and how she treats you is it really in your best interest to remain attached, especially with everything else going on in your life? Detaching means something a little different to everyone on here but, whatever you call it, I think you need to just concentrate on you and your son for the time being.
Stay strong man, like I said, you will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
