I was just going to ask rick what he meant by lying to myself? Sorry, maybe I should have said I am WAY LESS CONCERNED with what my H may or may not be doing w OW tonight than I was in December when their co-workers last got together.
They have been in an EA for over a year. They sext each other. He has told me how attracted they are to each other. I can't predict the future but I am stating what I believe to be true so that WHEN it happens I will be emotionally prepared. It is not so much to mind read or predict the future as it is to HELP ME.
I really didn't understand the comment about Sunday plans,rick!
My boys and I will go to church in the morning. Probably will go to the movies or something low key with them. H will be going to see his dad in the hospital all day.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Right now you're dealing it in the way that's completely normal. That's why they call it a rollercoaster. Continue to concentrate on yourself as hard as it may be.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Oh Mr Bond you still have a ways to go but your insight is always welcome. No offense taken. I'm here to help even if u and others don't agree with my approach. It's not a perfect science u know. It's a hit or miss in mental health.
Little read my answer to your post. Not here to humiliate u or poke holes. I'm here because I know how hurtful and painful this is. I know how the spinning of your head feels. The confusion the end of your dreams as a family feels. I don't ask questions as an outsider. Take everything with a grain of salt. Otherwise many if us would still be married. Ok?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
The latest BD came up b/c H showed up last Sat and said he wanted to talk to me. HE brought up the whole conversation--not leaving his apartment, wants finanical freedom, and still feelings have not changed "for so long" and he's "unwilling to let them change."
I listened A LOT. I did cry as it was all hard to hear. I wasn't shocked, however.
PoN, I don't KNOW what will help my sitch best! NOthing I've done seems to work. And with 3 children and seeing him daily (as he comes to our house to be w boys after school) it is impossible to go dark. DIM, I've tried.
Maybe my "dimness" has come off cold--as H has said that's how I seem to him at times. Well, I don't know if I should continue this or not, as Michele says to try something different if you aren't getting any results.
You are right that OW in picture makes this very tough. B/c their R is still based in fantasyland (as it has been only thru emails/texts and at work) he still has her on a pedestal & she is w/o flaws.
Someone recently said to me that even though they have been "in love" for over a year now, their R really is stuck in that fantasy world & until they move to reality he may not discover that she is NOT the answer to his happiness issues, even he may think she is. IDK.
I am hoping H will not show up here at the house tomorrow b/c he will be gone on Sunday. I'd rather just be w my boys alone. But, I know they will want to see him (as they didn't see him today b/c he went out w co-workers including OW). <sigh>
Okay, I realize I'm focusing way too much on him tonight...will shift my thinking & go read some other posts now!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Maybe setting up a different agreement with the kids would help? Even though my H and I are getting along, I would not be making the strides I have detaching & POM seeing him every day. Just some food for thought. Plus, I still think you should get a weekend off here or there.
The OM stuff has to be so hard to hear. I know hearing my H talk about another woman & his caring for her just ripped my heart out.
BIG HUGS!!
Hope you get in some tennis tomorrow!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I hear you about the kids and visitation needing to change. I guess FOR ME emotionally I need to take this in baby steps. Last weekend two of the boys spent the night at his aparmt. That was HUGE for me. Didn't love being alone at the house, but I went out w a friend and had a good time so not all bad. And the boys liked it too.
Most days I only see H for a matter of minutes so it's really not that bad. Weekends are different but they are evolving, I think.
I'm hoping that H will start to open up to me more talking about his family. Maybe that will give us a bit of a connection. No expectations. Just thinking.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Also, the troubles in his family are an opportunity to listen to him and reestablish the connection. You are correct.
The "going dim" strategy has to go with the attitude that you're moving on with your life and understand that he's moving on with his. If you go dim and also ask him to reconsider, etc., you are making things more confusing for him. If you apply the LRT, you need to convey that you understand he is done with the M. And this is why the LRT is so hard. At the same time, you need to do the 180's. I think I've asked you this before, but what are your 180's? How can you be a better wife? What is he getting from the OW that he wasn't getting from you? Tough questions, but worth answering. They'll give you a sense of direction.
