Love your idea about taking the boys to Costa Rica and teaching them to surf, what a great vacation for you and them. We have to make the most of every moment we have with the people we do have in our lives. (((((((((((((2tp))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Two, are you keeping yourself in limbo? Are you waiting for her to let you out of it? Why don't you decide what your relationship is with W.
If you hang out in March and buy baseball and movie tickets together because that's what you do with the mom of your kids, then good. If you find that friendship false and would rather make it clear that you're doing your own thing, what would happen if you get to define that for you and for her? Instead of waiting to see how she's defining things?
You've been in limbo for so long, and you're tired of it, and it's like you're asking her to release you from it. You got the powah.
And I'm curious too what your next big adventure is going to be. Must top Spain.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Two, are you keeping yourself in limbo? Are you waiting for her to let you out of it? Why don't you decide what your relationship is with W.
If you hang out in March and buy baseball and movie tickets together because that's what you do with the mom of your kids, then good. If you find that friendship false and would rather make it clear that you're doing your own thing, what would happen if you get to define that for you and for her? Instead of waiting to see how she's defining things?
You've been in limbo for so long, and you're tired of it, and it's like you're asking her to release you from it. You got the powah.
And I'm curious too what your next big adventure is going to be. Must top Spain.
Two, are you keeping yourself in limbo? Are you waiting for her to let you out of it? Why don't you decide what your relationship is with W.
That is something I am working on, AD. For too long, W has been dictating the terms of our relationship, tossing out crumbs every so often and basically stringing me along. I'll be the first to admit that I've been a willing participant in the hopes that she would eventually come around.
Originally Posted By: adinva
If you hang out in March and buy baseball and movie tickets together because that's what you do with the mom of your kids, then good. If you find that friendship false and would rather make it clear that you're doing your own thing, what would happen if you get to define that for you and for her? Instead of waiting to see how she's defining things?
I think I was pretty clear that I would no longer wait for her to define our relationship. And frankly, while a friendly co-parent (hate the word by the way!) relationship may be how we end up, right now I am really quite tired of her getting to have her cake and eat it too.
Originally Posted By: adinva
You've been in limbo for so long, and you're tired of it, and it's like you're asking her to release you from it. You got the powah.
I'm not following you regarding me "asking her to release me from limbo." I pretty much told her that I was done being in limbo and needed to move on. So I'm not really seeing where you are coming from in this regard.
I'm interested in hearing more perspective on this.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Are you moving on in terms of filing for D? Or, are you moving on for yourself and making her do the "dirty work?"
It's interesting how the power shifts when we (LBS) take control of our own lives and make decisions for our own futures.
You KNOW you are going to see more pursuit behaviors from her, right? ANd, that they are just part of the same ol' cycle.
Your boys are similar ages to mine (although I have one more S9)...looking forward to planning adventures just the 4 of us! Not up for surfing, but am somewhat adventurous. IDeas???
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
No, I'm not going to help facilitate the D. At least not now. She can do the leg work if she so desires. I'm just going to stop being there for her and I'm going to start living my life independent of her. I am making moves to get my own place (been living with a roommate for 16 months) so that my kids have a safe and comfortable place to go when they are with me.
It has been a slow process for me.
Here are a few adventure's to consider:
- Camping - Canoeing - Sledding if there is snow nearby - Go on an archaeological dig (hey that sounds like fun to me!!) - Climb a mountain - Search for sea glass if you are near a beach - Go birding - Hot air balloon ride - Visit a battlefield - Lather, rinse, repeat...
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
How is your crossroads different now , and how are you gonna get to where you wanna be ???
Well, the one thing that is very different is the fear is gone. I think it was Busto who once told me, lose the fear, lose the limbo. You may have said something similar. It was a long time coming, tied mostly to my need to find relevant work. But now that that issue seems to be solved (at least for now anyway), I can focus on moving forward without fear of what the future holds for me. I also believe my time away (3 months in Maine) was a huge plus in terms of helping clear my mind. With nothing to do but be alone with my thoughts, surrounded by the rugged beauty of the Maine coastline and in-land mountains, I found it to be a very cleansing experience. I also needed to be able to envision life beyond the misery I had been experiencing and that came about only after I began to regain my confidence. It is still not 100%, but I am miles away from the dark place I had been last spring.
So how am I going to get where I want to be? One day and step at a time, I imagine. That is all I can say for now. It will be interesting to see how my story develops from here. I'll keep y'all posted.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Not up for surfing, but am somewhat adventurous. IDeas???