Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
Thank you for the encouragement BrightFuture. I really appreciate it. It is soooo hard.


Heartbroken5
Me:38|H:40
Together: 10 years
Married:5
BD: May 2013
No children
LJC #2319049 01/31/13 03:42 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
I believe you are right LJC. I think that he has began to do that. I don't understand this process. I'm going to get back into the book and do what it says. I just want to get through and get my best friend back.


Heartbroken5
Me:38|H:40
Together: 10 years
Married:5
BD: May 2013
No children
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
So time is running out and there is the possiblity that the court will dismiss the petition. I don't want it to appear that I am being difficult, but I also am not ready to sign. The last inquiry that he made he suggested that I take my time. His signals are mixed right now. I haven't lost all hope but I am still unsure. The counselor suggested that I write a list of things that I would like to see, to ensure my hope is not empty. The more I write that list the more I feel like I should give up.


Heartbroken5
Me:38|H:40
Together: 10 years
Married:5
BD: May 2013
No children
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
I can't seem to get him out of my mind today. I believe that LJC was right the flirting back and forth was not a good idea. Now he's stopped communication and I feel like I'm "reaching" getting desperate and clingy. When do you let go of hope? When do I get the strength to sign these papers? When do I be strong enough to give him what he wants? What about me in all of this? I guess that's my real question? What happens to me after I have been thrown away?


Heartbroken5
Me:38|H:40
Together: 10 years
Married:5
BD: May 2013
No children
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
I posted to you a while back and it seems things aren't much better for you.

What are you doing for yourself?

Did you go to AlAnon?

You do sound desperate and clingy. I know these are difficult times but that surely won't get him to notice you.

Have you read CoDependent No More? It might be helpful.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
So, he suggested you to take your time with the papers. Do it. Get very busy and tell him that you have other important things to do at the moment. But it has to be real. It will also help you to stop thinking about him every minute. Iíve been there, and when people told me to get busy, I resisted thinking that it would not help. It does help, even for a couple of hours. What can you do to get busy, any hobbies you wanted to do, meeting with the friends, etc.?

He stopped communicating Ė use for your advantage, so you donít need to answer about the papers. Stop communicating with him as well. Just like I said, make him think you are very busy. You donít need to let go of hope yet. This is not the end.


Originally Posted By: heartbroken5
What about me in all of this? I guess that's my real question? What happens to me after I have been thrown away?


I had the same question when my H decided to end the M. He didnít ask my opinion. But, this is the way it is. You need to think about yourself. You will get through this, just give it some time. It will get better and you feel much stronger.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 6
M
New Member
Offline
New Member
M
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 6
I just read your posts from start to today, I have just recently joined the boards, I feel like I am in the same shoes except we have 2 children so I can't fully detach. I feel your pain and hope your H realizes what a good W he has and that's not something to be thrown away. My H drinks also and went out weekly with his buddies, mostly on Sundays for football... we both started going out with our friends more & more the last few years and took turns babysitting, it is only the last few months we started dating each other, looking back it was probably because I could feel us drifting apart... it may have been a sign of too little too late as I found out about his affair not long after frown

Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
Originally Posted By: labug
I posted to you a while back and it seems things aren't much better for you.


Well I have had progress and set backs, in the mist of this last set back I remembered I could come here and post. So here I am.. trying to push through it all.

Originally Posted By: labug
What are you doing for yourself?


I've started working out and I have joined a few meet ups to meet new people. My whole life was surrounded about being his wife and him. So, so far so good. There are just some really hard days, especially since I saw him that day. It just put me back to square one.


Originally Posted By: labug
Did you go to AlAnon?


I have not as of yet. I've found myself picking up that bad habbit as well as a way to numb the pain. The interesting thing is that it has lead me to wonder what pain is he trying to drown out. But again I need to focus on me, I tend to always go back and try to figure him out and I need to focus on me.


Originally Posted By: labug

You do sound desperate and clingy. I know these are difficult times but that surely won't get him to notice you.


Yes you are right and I have realized that. I do consider myself to be a pretty strong independent person, but when it comes to him I am desperate and clingy. I feel like he's the love of my life and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I've even been on a few dates but I find myself just saying I don't want this, I want my H back.

Originally Posted By: labug
Have you read CoDependent No More? It might be helpful.
No but I will pick it up. My counselor suggested that I read Boundaries so I'm doing that work now.


Heartbroken5
Me:38|H:40
Together: 10 years
Married:5
BD: May 2013
No children
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 63
Originally Posted By: BrightFuture
So, he suggested you to take your time with the papers. Do it. Get very busy and tell him that you have other important things to do at the moment. But it has to be real. It will also help you to stop thinking about him every minute. Iíve been there, and when people told me to get busy, I resisted thinking that it would not help. It does help, even for a couple of hours. What can you do to get busy, any hobbies you wanted to do, meeting with the friends, etc.?


Yeah. You are right. I really need to get focused on my job. I have a lot of projects that I can dive into to keep myself busy. I have also been working out with a trainer here lately which has helped me to release some of this stress and what not. I have also joined a few meetup groups. I have been really aprehensive about going. I tend to break down when I hear people talking about their families and spouses. I guess the point is to just get moving right? But then again, the "friend" of ours keeps telling me out of sight out of mind and that I should go after him. I'm just confused.

Originally Posted By: BrightFuture

He stopped communicating Ė use for your advantage, so you donít need to answer about the papers. Stop communicating with him as well. Just like I said, make him think you are very busy. You donít need to let go of hope yet. This is not the end.


You know, I appreciate this. I don't want to give up hope. However, according to my counselor I should avoid blind hope. Meaning that I should place my hope in R if I see H making attempts towards it.

Originally Posted By: BrightFuture

I had the same question when my H decided to end the M. He didnít ask my opinion. But, this is the way it is. You need to think about yourself. You will get through this, just give it some time. It will get better and you feel much stronger.
Thank you. I just wish that the pain would go away. It really hurts. People tend to think that I'm throwing a pity party or just need to let go. The thing is I am trying, but when that pain and hopelessness kicks in it really kicks my butt!!


Heartbroken5
Me:38|H:40
Together: 10 years
Married:5
BD: May 2013
No children
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
Originally Posted By: heartbroken5
I just wish that the pain would go away. It really hurts. People tend to think that I'm throwing a pity party or just need to let go. The thing is I am trying, but when that pain and hopelessness kicks in it really kicks my butt!!


Yes, I think everybody on this side knows how you feel. We are here for you smile.
Just take one day at a time. I will get better.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard