Is he really trying to bug me or is he really that clueless? Geez I am sorry to sound bitter but right now I hope this all comes back to bite him. Not a nice thing to say, but that's how I feel.
I can see him trying to monopolize the kids for a while. That's what he is doing now. It is just exhausting.
The more I think about things the more I think H may have been a jerk all along. Maybe this isn't MLC. Maybe he's just a plain old jerk.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
No, he's not clueless. They become sly like the fox. Our spouses know us so well and know exactly which buttons to push to rile us up. He will continue to do this until he sees that you aren't paying him any mind. This is the behavior of a 2 year old wanting mommy's undivided attention. All they know is that they want attention, i.e., good or bad...it doesn't matter.
He's doing everything humanly possible to annoy you so that you will cave in on whatever he wants...don't do it!
Oh, something will surely come back and bite him where the sun don't shine. Just give Lady Karma time...it will happen.
He's having a crisis, there is no doubt about it and yes, they do act like jerks and more.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sometimes I think I am just here to echo snodderly. She's very experienced and wise at this (sorry that's so, but glad for it).
I've often described my ex's behavior as like a 4 year old. Similar to how my niece operates. Or your own kids at times. Or you may have in your childhood. It's a recognizable pattern the world over.
I can tell you mine still does that even now, as recently as this week. But here's the thing - you know it. You know they are acting to get "something". They will conveniently forget things, or otherwise omit them. They will cajole, berate, and sometimes both in the same sentence. But it's all for the same reason - to get what they want no matter what. They become like a sucking drain of needs, and they will do some heinous things to get YOU to play the part they have in mind.
Since you know this, and once it sinks in, dealing with them is much easier, even if it remains annoying or silly. Just like with a kid, there needs to be firm, enforceable boundaries. You need to develop them for you. You are doing that naturally already, and very well. Without getting over the top upset (at the time) and without anger. The without anger is the key. As soon as you become emotionally involved in the immediate situation, you'll become malleable. Once that happens, they'll push and pull until you fold like taffy
On the other hand, if you detach from the emotional outcome, focus on the matter at hand, and have clear and enforceable boundaries, you can firmly, yet gently and without losing sight of what you're doing, behave like a rational adult and you will be able to protect what needs protecting.
He's broken and will be until he fixes him. Until then, you are the sane one and have so much power in the situation, it's frightening.
He'll act more and more like a jerk. But more and more like a two-year old jerk that's angry he can't have what he wants right now. He doesn't have the ability to be anything else for now.
And it will bite him. The question is when and whether or not you'll be around to see it. But it will at some point.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks Snodderly and AJ. I don't know what I would do without you. I am so sorry you both have to go through this but I'm glad that you are here helping me out and giving the advice you are. The advice on this forum is priceless.
D just has a virus. The doctor checked her for strep but it was negative. We just laid low all day. S went to his first middle school dance so that was something. They grow up way too fast.
I called H because he asked me to let him know what the doctor said. He thanked me and was nice, but he probably wanted something. I didn't buy into it. Later he called to talk to S who was outside with the dog and then H asked to talk to D who said "hold on I am doing something". When I went back to the phone to tell him H had hung up. Nice. S called him back and H went on to tell S that he won some patent award at work. I guess he needed to impress someone. Lol!
He's gone by OW now. Good riddance. I hope he stays away for a while.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, One more thing to add to the mix. If they find that they can't rattle your cage w/the usual picking fights, forgetfulness, they will try being nice to you and then bam! They'll hit you right between the eyes. It's all done to suck you back into their drama for justification of why they feel the way they do.
You have been doing a great job and I know it's difficult because your h is such a PIA. I do hope that your little one feels better soon.
Take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Went to SIL's yesterday and spent yesterday and today with her and her husband. I really miss spending time with them. They are such nice people. They took my kids to a "entertainment facility" with Lasertag, bumper cars, a carousel, arcade games and an indoor playground. We ate pizza and nachos and had a really great time. Incidentally, my SIL lives not too far from OW and we were in her neck of the woods so I was almost thinking it would be funny if we ran into her and H. No such luck! Lol!
SIL told me she thinks OW is a fat slob and does not understand what H sees in her. I said I did not know, but I wasn't giving her any more thought and energy because she isn't worth my time.
D is feeling better thank Goodness. She didn't want to go to dance class Saturday AM and I didn't push the issue because I didn't want her to get worse again. That afternoon I asked her if she wanted to go to aunties house and she said yes. I am very glad we did.
No word from H all weekend. I am kind of surprised because lately he has been overwhelming me with calls and texts when he isn't around the kids. I am not complaining, believe me. It's just I never know what to expect with this guy. But I'm enjoying the peace and quiet while it lasts.
I'm sure I'll be back soon with more headaches.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I'm glad you and the children had a nice weekend. Sometimes all of you have to get away and just have some fun to break the tension and stressors in our lives.
You are right about one thing, you'll hear from your h again very soon. He can't go very long w/o contacting you or checking in on you.
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
SIL is totally taking my part. She even wrote up a list of H's "wrongdoings" for me to give to my attorney! LOL! She still loves her brother, but cannot condone his actions and doesn't understand them. But it's good to have confirmed that I am not the crazy one. And it's good to know that I am not the only one H is treating like garbage.
She called the other night and H answered the phone. He seemed pretty put out when she asked for me and not him. I think it really threw him for a loop. But I don't care. Reality needs to slap this guy in the face. Although reality just makes him crawl deeper into the rabbit hole.
Hoping I don't hear from him until Wednesday, when it's his turn to spend time with the kids again. I am not holding my breath. If he thinks I don't want him around, he will more than likely show up to irritate me.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Glad you had some time away. And yes, you are not crazy. But it's nice to hear from family members sometimes, to help reinforce it.
Try not to guess what he's going to throw at you next. Deal with it when it gets there. I know that's tougher than it sounds, but for your own sake, it's better that way. It's another step toward detachment.
Glad everyone is on the mend and you're enjoying the time. Keep it up!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
(sorry that's so, but glad for it).