We will get by...

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks Heather. I did email my attorney last night and I recorded my daughter's outbursts. I have no regrets of what I did last night but I know H is freaking out about it. I don't know if I scared him or what, but this morning D was still wanting me and refusing to get dressed and he asked me to come help. And I did. I did not interfere, but I assisted. He was overly nice, but I could tell he was shaken up.

I don't feel brave, but I had to do what I had to do. For a moment after I opened the door to D's room I thought he was going to hit me. Instead he slammed the door in my face. I already have it court documented that he has done this type of thing to me before. He's heading down that road to domestic violence and he knows it. I slept fine last night. Normally I would be replaying the scenario over and over in my mind and worry about how this will affect me in court. I am not worried whatsoever. I did nothing wrong.

This morning I thought H was gonna have a heart attack. He was all over the place and I wouldn't be surprised if the kids missed the bus. I ended up helping out not for H's sake, but for the kids' sake.

He also gave me a lecture that I should not have D brush her teeth in my bathroom. I said who really cares where she brushes her teeth as long as she brushes them?

CRAZYYY!!!

[job]

Please be careful. He's acting like an animal that is caged. He knows what he did last night was wrong and he also knows you are documenting things. It will look bad for him and he knows it.

Wishing, you did the right thing and he hasn't seen you stand up to him the way you have. He's really have a difficult time trying to control and manipulate the situation, but he is facing the consequences of his actions.

I am like you, what difference does it make which bathroom the children brush their teeth in? He's just being petty.

Take care of yourself.

[AJM]

I'm not as sure he knows what he did was wrong, as much as he knows something is wrong.

But I agree, the pressure is growing and showing and the cookie seems to be crumbling. I expect it's a lot of pressure he is putting on himself and doesn't understand how to get out of it. I know it's obvious to you and us, but it's like one of those Greek Tragedies - we can see the flaw, but the "hero" cannot. Tread carefully and deliberately as you did.

Might want to reach out to your lawyer again and find out at what point you should consider having him leave the premises - from a legal standpoint. Just a suggestion. Might ask about the good of the children and their mental health

As for your son. Please be careful there. He wants to help his mother (and father, but sees him as the agressor and the wrong one) and did so last night through journaling. That's a fine line between allowing him to feel helpful, and putting him in the middle, right? I think last night was appropriate and allowed him to feel like he was doing something to help protect his mother, but that puts him in the situation to be standing up as the man of the family. He may be heading toward filling the void. I saw similar in my daughter and it helps to be cognizant.

Your daughter too really. She'll manipulate to get what she wants. She's 5. Your H is going to have to deal with that because your D's growth will require different parents at different times.

Check with the lawyer sooner than later, WH.

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks everyone. My son told me a few weeks ago he was going to start a journal to write down things that happen so he can talk about them in counseling. I asked him if that was the counselor's idea and he said no. I told him I thought it was fantastic idea and should help him immensely. He started to show it to me and I told him right then if he WANTED me to look at it I would but by no means is he REQUIRED to show it to me. I told him that journal was for his eyes only.

I told S that mom was upset with dad but to not worry about it and that we would work it out. I do see S as trying to fill the void as the man in the family, but I still want him to be a kid and I am trying to do everything to encourage him to be a kid and not grow up too fast.

Yes, I already made the lawyer aware of the situation. I don't know if we can get him out or not. We would have to go back to court and that's 6-8 weeks down the road from the filing date. I am hoping this will make him chill out. At least for the present time.

I also explained to H that when we are separated he will have no control over what bathroom my kids use or where they take a shower or what soap they use. I don't think he really gets it.

[job]

Hang in there. It's tough when you got a loony tune bouncing off the walls.

Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

[AJM]

He doesn't get it. He may never get it.

You have a solid handle on the things with your kids. I just felt the need to mention it in case you hadn't thought of it. I know you have a lot on your plate and figure it can't hurt to hear the suggestions. Glad you have it sorted, and glad your son is looking for constructive ways to cope. He's a smart thinker

Hang in there. This won't be forever.

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, AJ. I appreciate all the help I can get. I had a counseling session today and Doc was proud of me for standing up to the bully and defending my boundaries. Doc says H continues to realize he is losing control of the situation and cannot handle it. He said continue to define boundaries and to not let him bully me anymore.

It won't last forever, it just feels like it.

[wishing, hoping]

So D is sick. Woke up with a horrible cough, sore throat and slight fever. H said she was restless all night but he never bothered to take her temp or anything. I could tell when I first touched her she had a fever. And of course since she was not sleeping well he brought her in bed with him. Funny how that's okay when he does it, but not when I do it.

H woke S up and I told S he could relax a bit because I was taking them to school since I would be home with D. H says well it's my day to take them to school. I said no, this is my weekend. He says oh I didn't know how we were working it. Really? Is this pattern really that hard to catch onto? He just wants me to back down and I won't do it. Besides if it was his day he would need to stay home with D. I guess he needs to learn that he can't have things both ways.
D had another meltdown last night. Now it makes sense why she's been zoning of sorts. She hasn't been feeling well at all. I feel so bad for these kids. H said oh she's got what I got. Ha! I don't think so.

[job]

I'm sorry to read that your d is not feeling well. If she slept in the bed w/him...maybe he'll catch her bug! I can't believe he didn't check her temperature. It's important to do that when they feel hot and their temperatures can spike so quickly.

Wishing, he is really trying to get under your skin and he is so transparent in what he's attempting to do. I'm so glad you are standing up for yourself and not allowing him to dictate your every move.

Yes, you are so right...he needs to learn that he can't have things both ways whenever he wants them to be. Another lesson he will need to learn.

I hope your little one feels better soon.

[AJM]

Same here. Sorry for the sickness in the family.. Hopefully it's short-lived.

Yep, your H is trying to annoy you into doing what he thinks he wants. You feel the conflict when he gets it and doesn't like it or wants more. Either way, he won't be satisfied.

This is part of what I was saying before - he's going to try. You have to recognize that and recognize he can't keep it forever. You seem to and that's good. You know what he'll try to do and is trying to do. And you are standing up to him. Just keep an eye out for the kids to be sure before you act it is in their best interest. You'll be tested, but don't worry. It won't last forever even if it seems longer than you want. And you're doing great.

AJ