Just remember, what he wants is to hurt you--and that's because HE feels so sh!tty. This man hasn't shown any indication that he wants the REALITY of parenting and your Judge didn't sound dumb enough to fall for the act.
YOu're doing great! Keep being the grown up!
:-)
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thanks everyone. Things were relatively calm this morning. I was strangely calm. I don't remember ever being that calm. H kept an eye on every move I made. It was really weird. He didn't start any arguments and kept his distance. I am hoping he will be gone tonight. I believe he will because he hasn't seen OW in 5 days. She must be really chomping at the bit.
I started thinking about everything and realizing H is trying to please everyone (except me, obviously). He has to make OW happy, her family happy, his boss and co-workers happy, his family happy (those that are still speaking to him) and on top of it he has to be super dad. Plus he is absolutely miserable on top of it all! He isn't sleeping well either. I only know that because last night I couldn't sleep and I heard H up about 4 times during the night and I noticed he had the TV on all night as well. It's not like me to not sleep well. I usually sleep like a rock. But H has always been a restless sleeper. It's like his mind would never turn off and allow him to rest.
Focusing on me and my kids for the next two days. H will have "his days" again on Wed and Thurs then it's my weekend. Looking forward to it. I love the time I have with my kids.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, Not being able to sleep is a symptom of depression/mlc. The demons are visiting him in his sleep and there's no way he can shut his mind off. He's a miserable chap and doesn't know how to make himself happy.
You are doing the right thing by focusing on your kids. Enjoy them while you can because they grow up fast.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
WH, I can attest to what snodderly is saying. In the earlier days of my MLC'r, she wasn't sleeping well. She couldn't sit still, always jumpy. She had stomach issues. Basically guilt and conflict issues looking back. The depression is there. They are out of harmony with their actions/words/thoughts/feelings. Not to sound all new-agey, but that's a good way to describe it.
He's miserable and feels like he cannot win. Ironically, the one person that would help him, you, he won't allow. To be honest, he won't allow anyone to help if they could. He is in his own prison and has the key.
Try to keep yourself healthy and rested. You can't both be like that, else it's incredibly toxic. More so
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks everyone. I usually don't have problems sleeping. I don't know what was up last night? Just keyed up I guess or else I slept too long Saturday night! LOL!
Funny thing, I haven't been sick at all since the bomb drop. Maybe a sniffle or two, but otherwise I haven't really even had a cold. It's like my immune system is on overdrive. On the other hand I think H has been sick more than he has been healthy. Of course, maybe he is just trying to act on my sympathy. But he's had a constant cold or stomach ache for the last year or better.
And yes, he cannot sit still. He is uncomfortable no matter where he is. He paces and has to keep constantly moving. He can't just sit down and relax.
I am hoping he hasn't passed his cold crap onto S. He woke up sick yesterday morning while he was away. Now it's up to me to get him healthy again. H asked him if he wanted some nasal spray to which I almost shouted out "NO" because he is too young for that stuff, but S said he didn't want any. I need to stay on top of things for the kids' sake.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, The mlcer tends to have all kinds of ailments and yes, they are sick a lot of the time. Between the depression, guilt and trying to burn the candles at both ends and thinking they can be 10 again, well...it's to be expected.
As for your little one w/the cold...stay on top of that! We are experiencing some serious cold issues in my area that are actually flu like symptoms. Starts out w/a headache, sniffles and then turns into full blown flu.
Take care of yourself
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
They tend to have not only real ailments, but imagined ailments as well. Stress is a b*tch. Oddly, he holds the key to the stress, but in a way, it's why he is blaming you for all that bothers him. He can't sleep, he's conflicted, and he can't see "why". So it must be....you. See how that works? They will then set about trying to "prove" to the world (themselves?) that this is true. That doesn't stop until they figure themselves out. I still have dealings with ex where she tries to do that. Very hard.
We, in turn, tend to contort ourselves into almost teflon like beings trying to get them to "see" what they are doing. That it's not us. That won't work (see above). Along the way, they wear themselves out and do get sick a lot, have stomach pains, headaches, etc. Depression contributes to that heavily and you'll see similar in depressive people.
It's how they are trying to "figure" things out. How they are trying to cope. Silly when you look at it from the outside. Heartwrenching when you are bearing the brunt of it. Unfathomable when you are living it yourself I would imagine.
Stay healthy, WH. You need to let go of the stress and stay healthy as much as you can. Seriously.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Peaceful night. Of course, no surprise, H didn't come home. And I did NOT miss him. I got to take care of my babies all by myself. We relaxed and laughed and this morning I let them sleep in a bit and I took them to school myself instead of having them ride the bus. It's a nice treat for them once in a while and now that H has Wednesdays and Thursdays, I can work later or go in earlier those days to make up the time. Might as well use some of his "good dad" parenting to my advantage, even though I would rather be with my kids.
Tonight S has a soccer game. That is, if he is feeling well enough. He was pretty stuffed up yesterday and I gave him some medicine. This morning he said his nose felt better, but his throat was really sore. I gave him some stuff for that and told him to take it easy and see if it felt better as the day passed. I told him if it didn't feel better or started to feel worse to go to the health room and call me. I don't need him getting this nasty flu that is going around.
And talking to my mom yesterday and this morning she wasn't feeling well and just didn't sound like herself. I asked my brothers to check on her which will make her mad but I don't care. Better her be mad than in the hospital. I wish I could move back home to be closer to her with my kids, but I can't move with my kids without H's permission and he will never give me that. The last thing I need is for something to happen to my mom. She has been my rock.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So mom is fine, but I am feeling under the weather. S is not playing in his soccer game tonight because he is battling stuff. D is healthy as a horse for now. As for H, well, I won't go there.
So D tells me daddy promised her a big girl bed if she slept in her own bed every night. He told her he already has it. I don't know if that's a lie or if he has gotten one from a "friend" or other family member. Not going to give it any more energy than it's worth. It is what it is. For a minute I started to feel bad, but why should I? I am just as capable of getting her an awesome bed when I am on my own as he is. I'm just not gonna get her hopes up about it until it actually happens.
I am just worn out and cranky. H was put out when I called him to tell him S was not playing. In fact he said, "well I guess that's his decision". Well, actually, genius, we are the parents and WE make the decision. But of course I didn't argue with him. There is no point.
God give me strength!!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
One more thought... How come on "my days" I don't mind if the kids hang out and spend time with H but on "his days" he does everything to keep D and S from me?
Just an observation. It really gets on my nerves.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
