We will get by...

[wishing, hoping]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2310612&page=1

Last thread. Second verse, same as the first.

Thought I would change the subject line to "we" instead of "I" because we are all in the same boat together.

H didn't come home last night. He showed up at S's soccer game 20 minutes late and afterward left for OW's place. I was fine with that. Kids and I had a good evening. H was home at 6:15 am and started making breakfast for the kids and got them ready for school. Turns out he didn't need to make breakfast for them, because they got their breakfast ready for the morning the night before so they just needed to warm up their plates. : )

I am staying back to avoid the spew and let H parent. That doesn't mean I am ignoring my kids or not being a parent, but I will let him be "in charge" so to speak. I am documenting and observing from a distance.

Trying to think of ways to occupy my time while H takes charge of the kids. I have some books I could read and some gift cards to use and a hair appointment this weekend. Oh, and my DivorceCare class starts back up Saturday night. Looking forward to that starting up again.

Trying to keep the focus off H and his crazy ways and back to me and the kids. Any suggestions would be very helpful. Oh, and I don't have a lot of money to spend either. LOL!

Thanks everyone!

[AJM]

Is there ever enough money?

I just feel that once he gets the 50% he will be gone and they will be with OW. That's not good for them. That's my gut. It's not that I do not want them with their dad. He's never been around unless he "feels" like being a dad. It's gotten worse over the last two years.

And yes it's best he wants them rather than abandons them. But I don't think it's good for them to be shuffled back and forth.

Just something to say here. I'll be brief.

It isn't AS good for them to shuffle back and forth. Of course not. That's part of the collateral damage. It can be much worse. And nobody wants to be "replaced" by somebody else. I get that too. you will always be their mother. Nobody else ever can be. There will never be anyone else that takes that spot. While it is possible he will try to "dump and run" once OW is in the picture and things settle down. You can deal with that at the time. Really. It'll work out pretty easily because the kids always be paramount in the equation.

Funny how crazy brings out the parenting in your H.

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Hi AJ -

Yes, in some ways he is a better parent now that he ever was. I don't expect it to last. Most of it is him trying to keep up with me. Like you said, I keep raising the bar and he keeps trying to jump over it.

But like I said I am tired of obsessing over what he does and doesn't do. When it comes down to brass tacks, OW and her kids are higher priority than our kids. He has proven that time and time again. If he wants to be with them, so be it. He is stringing our kids along because they never know if or when dad will be home.

I keep telling myself things could be worse. But I have been down lately. Waiting for the sun to shine. It seems it only shines when I am with my kids.

[job]

wishing,
You shine w/your kids as well as when you are solo. You have been doing a fantastic job w/your situation. Don't allow this crazymaking bs get you down.

I had to nod my head "yes" when I read your posting about how you raise the bar and he tries to jump over it. In his mind, he is competing w/you. Mlcers will compete on some level, but he doesn't realize you aren't into the competition, but doing what you would normally do as a mom to your children.

It's time that you start taking care of yourself and doing something special on those days your h is in charge.

[LoisB]

Wishing,

That is actually pretty funny how this crapola has made your H a better parent! Too bad it hasn't spread into the husband department.

My H can't get away fast enough. It didn't occur to him to spend Christmas with his kids! Duh.

Heather

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks Snodderly and Lois. I don't expect this "better parent" thing to last. He only started stepping it up about a month ago because I figure he is worried about something. But he still prefers the company of OW to his kids. If he was able, he would have them up there with her every day. I am not fooled. H wasn't around on Christmas Eve until about 8:00 and he was gone on New Years Eve and Day. He tells me it is "difficult to balance it out" but to me there is nothing to balance out. The kids come first.

I can't wait to see what he cooks up for dinner! I should start taking wagers on what he makes for dinner on his evenings. : )

[AJM]

I'm guessing hot dogs and macaroni

Keep raising the bar. He won't stop trying to meet that threshold for a long time most likely. It really is a silver lining and your kids aren't fooled. But they can reap the benefits. From both of you.

I echo the sentiment. You are doing very well, even if you can't yet see it. Seriously. And somewhere deep inside, your H knows you are a great mom and a great woman. This really isn't about you no matter what he does or says. Remember that. It's important

Let me know if I got dinner nailed. I'm curious now. And wondering about fish sticks..

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Fish sticks it is! Ding ding ding! Actually fish sticks, pizza rolls and waffle fries. Oh and corn on the cob. He lets the kids pick. Can you tell?

He is using his new "iPad grocery app" scanning in all the groceries and trying to find out where they are the cheapest. I reckon he's trying to prove that he's on top of his game. I should tell him to let me know if he finds a great deal on pizza rolls.

[wishing, hoping]

Yes he scanned in everything I bought that's in the pantry, the fridge and the freezer. Wow! That's a lot of work and so now he has it saved in his iPad. It really makes me laugh!!! How do I know all this? S told me. H told him this app will keep track of everything once I "move out" and he has to handle it all on his own! It makes me laugh that he needs an app for that!!!

Oh well pretty soon he will have OW to take care of all that for him. I just remember when I met him he had absolutely no food in his fridge. Nothing. Not even a bottle of water!! Lol!!!

Thanks for all the compliments guys. Everyone tells me how well I am doing but honestly I feel like I am flailing. I feel like a complete mess. I wish thus was over but in order to get it overwith I will need to agree to H's madness. I dont trust him or his shady lawyer. So no matter what I guess I am in this for the long haul.

[job]

I was going to say pizza rolls, but then thought maybe he would actually do some cooking for a change. LOL! What a dinner combination!

I'm w/AJ, continue to raise the bar. Eventually he'll get tired of competing and drop his silly nonsense. Right now, he's trying to prove he can do the exact same things that you are but better. Scanning the food into the iPad? Get real...he's just nuts. He really does need to get a grip and stop telling the kids about you moving out.

As for the ow, my guess is she's not going to want to eat pizza rolls and fish sticks every time the kids are around. He's just off the wall and I bet this is how he lived as a child.

Wishing, you are doing great. Keep finding the humor because it will help you deal w/the situation.