You are in a tough spot about her possible move to Canada and taking your child!
I do believe that fathers should financially support their children, and especially if the mother does not have a income to meet the children's needs....and in your case, your mother & brother are partly to blame for her not having a FT job, I think. Anyway, I would not jeopardize the child's welfare for any relationship......marriage, friendship, or otherwise. My advice is to get legal assistance (at least advice on where you stand). If you have joint custody, I don't know if they could haul her back from Canada or not. In fact, don't act on "anything" until you talk to a lawyer.
As for the people who do not support her decision, you have to realize that she has chosen this route over staying M to you. You care very much that she is alone, don't you? There are some things you can't protect her from experiencing....and as hard as it is, you shouldn't. One of the hardest things for many men is to not rescue the one who left him. She has to put those BG panties on!
I am so sorry you are in this sad situation.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am so sorry for this sad sitaution too. I have already spoke with an attorney. My wife and my inlaws are aware of that. Probably wasn't a good idea to let that out at a MC session, but it happened. I had a consulatation to see what my actions needed to be regarding my business and assets. As much as I want my wife back, I wasn't willing to jeopardize a 35 year old family business. I wasn't going to sit back and just see what happened in the course of a divorce. in the cold light of the day, financially I don't think there is much my wife will get, other than a few bucks and some moderate child support. Even our home is somewhat sheltered by being owned by the corporation. It really made her mad to think she wouldn't get anything out of the value of our home. My wifes Mother called me in fury about it, claiming she has spoke with attorneys and they were going to sue for half of the business, screw me over, etc. So, I hung up on her. That is how this has been playing out lately. Our whole realtionship is on this huge stage and so many people are involved in it, from friends to family and everyone in between.
In regards to my daughter, it would depend on what a divorce decree would say in regards to custody and taking our daughter out of the country, out of the school district even. How that may or may not play out in a real world situation, I am not sure. It does scare me though.
My wifes cousin was just here visiting about an hour ago. Actually, almost every single person in our life is blown away at our situation. She is blown away that we are in this situation. Nobody can seem to get their heads wrapped around my wifes decision. Only a few months ago, this cousin asked my wife how we were doing. My wife replied that we weren't getting along that well. The cousin asked, "have you been thinking about divorce". My wife replied by saying, "oh no not at all". Earlier this summer, we were making future plans for trips and house remodeling projects. Less than a year ago my wife was discussing with a friend about having another baby with me. I am simply amazed that we have progressed to this point so quickly. At least it seems quickly to me. My wife stated to me the other day that she wasn't 100% out the door until as recently as 30 days ago.....that hurts. I do really feel that a portion of our marital problems lies in other aspects of my wifes life. She has had a hard time finding a job after being let go in the beginning of october, shortly before she left. She has had friends let her down. She has had some immeidate family issues, etc. I know that all has to somehow play into this.....but the fact of the matter persists. She is leaving ME...nothing more I really need to focus on I guess
My wife is definitely in some state of denial in regards to the severity of her situation. She literally makes $500 a month at her current job. Her car payment alone is nearly that. Yesterday, she bought 2 new pairs of jeans, a pair of boots and a dress, because she has lost so much weight her clothes are no longer fitting. Then, she filled her car full of gas and headed into Canada to party with friends for the next several days. Where she thinks her future of being able to sustain that is coming from Amazes me. She even mentioned she was looking into "BUYING" a town house......$500 a month doesn't look great on a mortgage loan request...haha
Anyway....it's grim and I just wish I could stop the insanity before it's too late. I realize I can't change her mind. I realize I can't put her out on the street, and I also realize I can't really rescue her.....but what do I do.....this just SUX!
I don't want to sound as if I'm pushing you into any decision, b/c you have to live with the ones you make. If it were me, my first concern would be to secure your rights as a father. As things stand, she may be able to leave the country with your D and nothing could be done.
You have to stop running at the mouth! You are your worst problem.
Do not say anything to anyone about this, or she could panic and take off.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I realize all too well that running my mouth has been one of my biggest problems. I am really working on that and have done much better the last couple weeks. I just need to learn to put the phone down and shut my mouth when my mind starts to exagerate the details.
I will speak with an attorney that knows more about immigration laws and divorce, regarding my rights as a father. That is good advice.
As far as my wifes living situation and medical insurance, I am not sure exactly what to do. I feel that I have to continue with providing that, for my Childs safety and my own. I know without medical insurance, any liability in the case of an incident would fall back on me. It doesn't make much sense not to cover myself. I did turn over the billing responsibility on her cell phone contract last night. I plan to turn over her vehicle insurance very soon. I guess it is not a big deal if these things come off as threatening to her. It is simply the reality of the situation, right?....like you said, Big Girl panties
Yes, but use common sense when it comes to things like insurance. Any medical or legal matters that could turn around and bite you....is not protecting yourself. Yes, by all means she should pay for her own phone bill.......but if your name is on any part of that car.....protect your best interest.
The LBH seems to have trouble knowing how to balance these things, but use good business sense.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Lots of anxiety today....slept about 2 hours last night. With the New Years celebration, my wife will surely be going out. I have some plans too, but of course, my mind is focused on her new beginnings. Will she dance, will she meet someone, will she do something she will regret, that I will regret, that sort of thing. It just hurts my heart. today, she has already phoned to speak with our daughter and wanted me to have her call at midnight so she can speak with her again. Not seeing our daughter, as often as she is used to, is definitely weighing heavy on my wife. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, but it makes me sad. Yesterday she phoned and texted several times to speak with our daughter. I ignored the first few. She has been reaching out a couple times a day over the phone to connect with our daughter. I know this time apart is getting to her. It is getting to me too. It just kills me when my daughter is asking questions about "how did mommy and daddy meet" "how did we get married", questions about our past....I had to get this out so I chose to write it here. I am having a hard time dealing with reality today. Depression meds aren't doing enough righ now.
My wife has been calling a couple times a day to speak with our daughter. She usually calls in the early afternoon and then again in the evening to say goodnight. I don't really have a problem with that, but it is probably a little excessive. I know that she is really feeling the hurt of being away from her so much.
Today, she sent me a text asking if I could add skype to my cell phone so that she can see our daughter when they speak. How should I reply to this? On one hand I feel that I should allow her to speak with our daughter any time she wants. Seeing her is probably good too. On top of that, I don't want to seem mean by not allowing it. But, on the other hand I feel like I should say, "Hey this is the reality of the situation, and You are getting what YOU wanted. You can spend YOUR time with her when YOU have her".
If anyone has some input, on how to respond in a productive way, that would be great. Thanks in advance.
You would be a jerk not to let her skype with her daughter. It almost sounds like you would be withholding this simple request in order to punish her, and that is not your place to do that. I hope you agree. Best, Adinva
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
