So my ex and his new wife go visit my son ex step son....I am ok with that but I feel so betrayed because ex asked my son if he and new wifey spend the night there.My son and I get into a big text fight over it....I dont mind him visiting with them but it hurts that my own son didnt even consider how I would feel.She was the homewrecker that ended my 25 yr. marriage and yes I know all about he was looking for someone to have an affair but the same one he had an affair with 18 yrs ago.am I over reacting? and she is ther holding MY grandson. Feel very betrayed....why do I feel this way...why did I give her any space in my head and lash out at my son?
Honestly, I think I would feel the same way. But, you can't control the situation.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Irma, its your XH's fault, not the OW's. He didn't have to leave you and the family, he choose to. As far as being mad at your son....... Well, how can you "stand" for a man who is remarried and get mad at your son for visiting him? Kinda hypocritical Irma..... JMO.
That's so hard for you and your son. It's difficult for him to be put in the middle of a situation where he feels like he has to choose his D over his M. Either way he loses, and likely feels it's less confrontation to appease his D, since he is the one there in person.
This happened in my B and SIL's divorce. I refused to take any sides, and my B had a fit about it. To me, my SIL is my sister. She has been a part of my life for 25 years. As a result, my B doesn't talk to me and has cut me out of his life.
Know as difficult as this is for you, more than anyone could imagine, it's got to be difficult for S too. I would absolutely loath my D if he ever did this to my M, and be so torn between maintaining relationships and wanting him out of my life. That becomes more difficult with grandchildren involved, as it's very important to me that my children have a relationship with their grandparents.
My suggestion would be to take the higher road and tell S how you feel. Apologize for lashing out and acknowledge this is difficult for him too. Let him know that the anger is not towards him, but towards the situation. Both of you have conflict to deal with, through no fault of your own, but as a result of bad and selfish choices of someone else.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
I agree with Hopper on this one. You should tell your son you're sorry for lashing out and recognize that it's not easy for him. He should never have been put in a position to have to choose between one or the other parent. Regardless of how or why. He should respect your feelings, but he should not have to pay the price for what happened. That's too much to ask I think.
I understand why you feel that way, if that helps. You were hurt and betrayed and that doesn't just go away. It hurts. It'll hurt for a long time. And any intrusion on your family will also hurt. But don't ask your son to share in that hurt. He has enough of his own, my dear.
Make it right with your son and let the rest go. You were treated badly and he did you wrong. But it's over now. You have a chance to still enjoy your son and grand-kids and if you really really want to have some sort of revenge, live a life worth living without ex in it.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
you felt hurt, again, and it re-opened some old wounds...and you lashed out. You can't really lash out at your ex, but you can lash out at your son. Which isn't fair.
You get it now. Let your son know you are at peace with HIS (i.e., your son's) choices and you regret that he was put into this position.
Never fear being replaced though. OW may hold your grandchild, but no one thinks for a minute that the baby "looks like her"
or isn't aware of who the real grandmother is.
The kinder, more loving you are the better you'll feel AND the better you'll look to all parties concerned.
and Like AJM said, the "best revenge is a life lived well" so let's chat about your GAL now.
What's new THERE???
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Life has been very good. I have most of our children very close by am not alone very much but I like my alone time.I will be honest I was so mad and I did lash out at him..I see that now I have and must repair that. I used cuss words and I dont cuss at all!! but I felt so betrayed ,I love my children more than anything i would give my life for them all. I did text my son today but he said he was not in the mood to talk said he didnt get any sleep last night over what happened. This one son has always said that I never treated him like the others I dont know where he gets that from.He has always been very jealous of his big sister and yes we are closer but it doesnt mean I lover her more
Love her more meant to say.....I am so proud of him all he has accomplished I am just so scared he wll never speak to me again... how dare my ex put him in that situation....he has brothers in the area and she has family as well why not go to their homes..my son is mine my ex it's is his step dad.But it is all he has ever know as a dad... oh boy this is hard not knowing whether he will ever speak to me again
yes I too agree--I would also and did feel very upset with ow having anything to do with my kids but
as hard as it is try to work toward acceptance of everyones choices
It takes time
I would too try to work things out with son, allowing him to feel comfortable with his R with xh and new wife Everyone does know the truth and OW is the one who has to live with her self.. karma will get her and you can be free..you are already half there b/c of your awareness
hang in there Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Love her more meant to say.....I am so proud of him all he has accomplished I am just so scared he wll never speak to me again... you're the parent. And you hurt him. I don't think your son did anything wrong. So yes You have to keep reaching out and reassuring him that you DO regret that he was put in that position; it's not fair; and you are sorry you lashed out at him. NONE of this is his fault.
THen end the message (Unless he's talking with you at the moment, in which case you listen to him & validate how hard this all was on him).
Do NOT engage in whether you are closer to another child or such irrelevan harmful discussions...stay on message
which is one of reassurance that you love him, (= you'd kill or die for him) you apologize for hurting his feelings and it won't happen again.
THEN MAYBE--if he seems amenable (and he may not for awhile) you can make plans sometime soon to do something just the two of you OR join his siblings for dinner at your place, etc....do not get dragged into other topics or conflicts...
how dare my ex put him in that situation...
1) I doubt it crossed your xh's mind that it would bother YOU this much. He may have good intentions too, like reconnecting with a son who felt abandoned...
But you must stop backsliding into the spiral of anger. It's a losing cause and this anger consumes YOUR LIFE and hurts YOU the most.
Do you see that? Lose the anger... b/c it's getting you nowhere fast and it's not fun to be around.
.he has brothers in the area and she has family as well why not go to their homes.. who knows?
AND though I'm sorry to say this, It's not really your business why your exh asked to stay with your son...really. I know that hurts to hear, but your son is an adult, right? And so
it's NOT your concern where your ex h stays. Besides, your son deserves a relationship with both his parents. Sounds as if he wants that...
If this is how it must be for your son to have that, then so be it.
my son is mine my ex it's is his step dad.But it is all he has ever know as a dad... so he's NOT your son's father, but he is your son's father figure? In some ways that makes it more important that they maintain a r....
but I'm sure it feels awkward for you ---
then again, your son knows who his "real" mother is and always will.
oh boy this is hard not knowing whether he will ever speak to me again
If you make the effort, he'll come around. He only said he doesn't want to talk about it now and that he lost sleep over it. He's very torn.
But he did not disown you. Why wouldn't he ever speak to you again?
I don't know ANY son who would completely cut his mother off, permanently. It's very Unforgiving...maybe that is all he knows however. So you must model forgiveness to your son by letting go of the power that your ex h's choices still have on your day to day life.
But If you said a lot of viscious things, OWN THAT and apologize as best you can
& if you said those things, you cannot blame your ex h.
This is YOUR behavior that we are discussing and how you must change it...asap... don't let your anger at your ex h, no matter how "righteous" it feels, ruin your life or your relationships with your children.
That only compounds the wrongs done to your kids and you. And it's on you, not your ex h.
This is a classic case of "do you want to be 'right' (& miserable) or do you want to be happy"?
Forget being "right" in order to be angry...be loving to your children.
As for your ex h's family, maybe they don't like OW... maybe your ex wants to reconnect with son...
all we KNOW FOR SURE is, you have to be the best mother you can be...asap
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
