"If I have been unwilling to see his side, unwilling to compromise or listen in the past, unwilling to face my own shortcomings and now I am. How is that wrong? H's view that he expressed was that I acted like I never needed him and he didn't matter. Isn't ignoring him more of the same behavior."
Sometimes. The question I would ask back is if this were really true? Did you not need him or care about his feelings? Based on you posting here I would go out on a limb and say .. No.
His perception is what you are addressing now. Just because he thought that is what it was means it is right?
Communicating is hard. Well clearly communicating..
Right now.. beyond the kids and whatever financial obligations you have with him should be the topics to discuss.
I might point out that he is with another woman but is asking you to coffee. For question and answer time. Why now?
By all means if you think this in ground breaking stuff and your little voice is telling you to run with it.. then please do. Again.. based on your posting I don't think that is the case. I feel 100% confident that if I was leading you astray.. someone would be saying so.
IMO.. things are too fresh for you to be able to communicate clearly with each other. One wrong word.. One funny gesture.. a crossed eye.. things could go bad. Think an open wound. When you get one.. so you keep looking at it and poking it to make sure it still hurts? Or do you cover it up and protect it to let it heal for a few days?
Your mind.. and where it can take you in this mess is your worst enemy. Don't worry too much about what may or may not happen in the next week. Cause I am going to tell you that there is really not much you can do right now that will make it better or worse.
You are doing fine..
Keep it up!!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
You are very very very right and that is the conclusion I came too as we'll . I think he may be looking for closure or looking for justification, I am not sure and cannot mind read. After our email a thon he said he felt more at peace and liked that we were communicating.
On that note, D has training this weekend so I said in email do you want me to take her both days? He said yes thanks and you can try new equipment( that I bought) and I just said I' m going to!
It is not ground breaking but teaspoon worthy lol!
And you are right. One week will not make difference at all
Note to all: Tests are good...six months til next scan yay!!
Looks like you're doing well, Ruby. I'm glad. A WAS will try to justify their behavior, so they'll try to pick up fights (subconsciously.) It looks like you're ready and won't fall for it. Good job!
Just got caught up on your thread tonite. I think you are doing the right thing by giving yourself more time. I you say you might say the wrong things or be tempted to then you probably will, so no need to rush this.
Besides it sounds like you are making good baby steps with communication w H. Don't want to backslide while things are setting in a bit.
Have fun on your new equipment!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Blargh..so want to talk with H tonight or email or reach out so am posting here instead. Usually this does not run through my mind like hamsters lol, but today it is.
I worked at SILs place today-volunteer gig. It was good for me, but hard to interact with her. I am trying to treat her as well as I treat any friend (because we were) but I find myself a bit snarky. That's a goal. She doesn't have to employ me on occasion or be nice but she said to H that she wasn't giving up our relationship for him. I should be much nicer, but it is hard some days
Thinking of OW, i know her, so sometimes her face just pops in my head arrghh. Was easier when I didn't know, but is also easier that I know. This is his exit affair, even though he was gone lol. Her ex posted on fb he was in a relationship, and she didn't know...then all of a sudden, she is in a relationship. But that is just venting here and to two of my besties. If it lasts I will eat my frickin' hat. It is still hard, knowing he has someone to talk with, pillow talk, share hopes and dreams and I have no one. Don't misunderstand, will stay strong, but this is my vent and my pity party tonight!
What am I grateful for? Friends, kids, my health, I have a house and food and christmas prezzies for kids.
Made a mistake today though, don't know if SIL overheard but was talking to friend and had mentioned that H and OW were very different and wasn't sure it would last. Also said that I was okay and no matter the outcome, reconciliation or divorce I will still be in a good place down the road. If she listened, then it will get back to H and I am sure that will be fun...not.
Was told to gain weight by several people...made a joke about the divorce diet and said not to worry was taking good care. But people are beginning to worry and I don't want that so will have to eat somewhere fattening tomorrow. My good days I can tell, because I am starving!! Bad days= not hungry lol.
Okay, that's it. I feel the need for communication has passed. No need to read this anyone lol! Goodnight!
Okay, sent a couple of emails last night-mostly business (stuff he wants) I said I did not know about coffee because I am behind on stuff and coming down with a cold. Didn't know if I would be good company.
He said okay, I asked if he wanted me to Pick up equipment from him at his sister's place tonight, because of crime, I didn't want him to leave it on porch.
He said he would put it inside. I replied di he have his key, because the doors would be locked (something we rarely did in rural town lol). he said no and would put them in shed
and he will make appointment to get stuff on a day I am home..
no mention of coffee or lunch (which I had proposed, if I was later). Asked if he still wanted drink (his idea) after I return from outing with kids-no reply.
So just said great, there have been break ins and robberies around here and that is why I am also looking into an alarm system. Left it at that. Communication back to square one
Did stupid things-checked his fb on daughter's phone, nothing except he is going on trip I guess with OW.
Some slang about nitpicking in the morning and high school drama.
Communication has been ycuky again...I don't know if he felt uncomfortable with the level he opened up and thinks I think he is coming back..don't know...you all told me.
Now am playing the huh spike huh? game, I said I will make you a key.
( I don't mind-he seemed very curt that I was locking him out and honestly, he knew how I felt about him wandering through and taking stuff.
So I said I would make a key and if he could just leave a list of stuff he took that would be great (I didn't want to find something missing three weeks down road lol!) and said Ihoped he did not misunderstand the intention of my emails, because I had looked at them and it looked like I was locking him out intentionally. He said he didn't misunderstand.
Smack smack smack 2X4 smack. NO email. No text. Situation won't change in a week!! arrgh ( I just want him back...now! lol) Those communication emails did me no good and set me back. I think they were good starting point but now he is scared I am thinking he is coming back or we are going to hook up or something....
How do I continue being friendly, but give off vibes of whatever you do is great? Man, I really slid back to the beginning in terms of where I am. I know I know, everything for myself la la la, but it is so hard. Some days I feel as though I got it and others, not so great!!
. I think he may be looking for closure or looking for justification, I am not sure and cannot mind read. After our email a thon he said he felt more at peace and liked that we were communicating.