Unpacking my bags

[needgrace]

Thanks for the support Tori. I love your quote yesterday about the adolescent quality of their confusion.. and our need to let them find their way.

Afa, thank you, I will look him up.

A question today for my DB buddies:

Last weekend, I started having very painful dreams about my W (leaving and being replaced by OW) and would wake up feeling really upset. (I had not had those type of dreams for quite awhile and as I have been feeling better lately I was really surprised by them.)

The last two nights, I have had dreams in which she is present and we are not together.... but there is not the emotional upheaval in my heart that there was the first two nights. Last night's dream had me not wanting to be where she was and instead being involved in a fashion show (so unlike me) on my own and being okay with it for the most part..

Has anyone else experienced this in their dreams... a shift? I am wondering if it is part of detaching.

Thanks, fellow DBers...

[scaredsilly]

I think it is, Grace. I've stopped dreaming of my H. Before I detached, I was having all kinds of distressing dreams about him; ones where he was leaving me or treating me badly. These dreams were new for me as I had never had that type about him prior to BD. In fact, I rarely dreamt about him. Life was without trauma before that day.

I've stopping dreaming about him now and I'm glad. At least I got a reprieve from the stress at night. I'm happy for you. You deserve some relief.
((((()))))

[tori2012]

Interesting what you say about the dreams. I dream about my H most nights (always have.) My recurring dream is that we want to be alone but there are always people interrupting. My latest dreams have been of us being happy together. So I guess I'm not detaching? I know I'm not. Sigh...

[keep_going]

I actually have experienced the opposite. I hardly ever remember any of my dreams and don't really recall ever dreaming much about H.

I just recently had a very vivid dream where we were together and happy. I felt really peaceful, yet needless to say when I woke up I became very sad and depressed. I don't remember any other dreams with him and I actually prefer that. Like SS says, I like to at least have peace while I sleep.

NG - do your dreams upset you or unsettle you in any way? I am not an expert and know nothing about meanings of dreams. but if yours do unsettle you in any way, perhaps you might want to discuss them with your IC and see if you can uncover what lies behind those feelings.

((((((NG))))))

[bustingout]

NG I love that you posted about dreams! Recently I had three dreams that involved H. One of them where I was hugging him and saying 'its going to be ok, everything is going to be ok" (and then we starting kissing!) and another where he told me he was marrying the OW and the third where I was with him and OW and I was actually helping OW plan a party!!????

I know I did not wake up upset or disturbed, and I did not think much about them until I read your post. I realized then that I had not thought much about them and realized that was a shift for ME. Maybe it is part of detachment. Because I do remember so vividly the sleepless nights and nightmares...

Lets hope it is NG. Because a peaceful nights sleep is priceless.

Love you and hope you are well ((((((((( ))))))))

[AnotherStander]

After reading this thread yesterday I was thinking about how I can't remember the last dream I had (I'm sure I have them, but I never remember them). Then last night I dreamt that I was at my dad's house going to the bathroom, that there are no blinds on the window (there really aren't in his guest bath) and everyone kept looking in. Does anyone interpret dreams, and if so, do I even want to know what this means? LOL!

[needgrace]

Thanks, SS, and welcome back. I always feel much better when you are here, lighting the path for me. ((((((( )))))))

Tori, I don't know if that means you are not detaching... I experienced these dreams after some of the happiest days of my journey thus far...perhaps it is yet another layer of detachment arising for you to be worked through bc you are now able. I think our hearts can only handle so much at one and it all happens in stages.. i think i was in denial and shock for awhile and some of the dreams and feelings coming forth now are another part of the grieving and letting go..

busting, when i read about your dreams my thought was that busting is going to be okay, no matter what... with H or not. (((((( ))))))))

AS, thanks for the laugh. LOL.. I wonder if you tend to be a private person and if your sitch being so public makes you feel exposed... I know it has for me, that is why i interpret that way

I wanted to copy a fb post i saw today by tara brach's assistant that i liked:

Tara received a note from someone who said she felt "dead inside," alone, lacking the skills or capacity for intimacy, and imprisoned in a mindset that has never allowed for happiness.
We thought her response might resonate for others:

"No matter how dead on the inside it seems, there's a longing that is here that can be a portal to freedom.

Here's what I've found carries us home:

Sense what it is you really most deeply care about - yearn for. Pray for it from the most sincere depth of your being, and imagine what it would be like.

Listen for whatever might guide you to experiencing what your heart longs for. Be willing to release the old view of an imprisoned life, have the courage to open to something that's always been here, but has not been realized.

Sending blessings and prayers, Tara"

(posted by Janet - assistant to Tara)

[needgrace]

dear dbers,

i am feeling really low the past few days. i think it is the holidays. i am trying to accept the feelings and not resist them but they do not seem to be passing through... i feel as if i am too far along in the process to feel this way... it has been 17 months since BD.

it is strange, a few weeks ago i think i was feeling my best since BD... really felt like myself again... and then i had a week solid of dreams about W and her family... and now i feel stuck in the fog again...

ugh.

[needgrace]

on saturday i got word from SIL that W's grandmother (in her 90's) had taken ill and only had a few days. ten minutes ago, i learned that she just passed away. i think some of my heaviness this weekend has to do with this. i did not know her well (she spoke mostly italian) but she was very warm and welcoming to me which i am sure was hard for her.

[bustingout]

(((((((((((NG))))))))))

I am sorry for the loss of W's grandmother. and I am sorry for the general low feelings you are having as of late.

We associate big occasions being surrounded by loved ones...its natural to think of our spouses.

I know I have been too.

What are your plans for the holidays? What are we going to do to make sure we make the best of it and are there for each other? I am always thinking of you NG. You are a beautiful person.

((((( )))))