Things are, considering the time of year that W has historically had issues with, "almost" sorta "normal", aside from no physicality like kisses, hugs, etc. She seems to be running the depression/withdrawal cycle predominately right now. I am just rolling with it most of the time. Sometimes I get impatient, tired, depressed, but not for long. I remember last year at this time, the anger, spew, replay, flaunting OMs... is much better this year, that helps me get myself back up positive again.
I continue to see signs of improvement or progress with W, don't know the status of any OMs or cyber "exploring" (if any)...I am trusting my intuition here that it is minimal and being worked out of, if there is any at all. For all I know she is in the nc grieving process, idk...don't care too much either right now...keeping my focus on the big picture.
So, to help myself get an optimum level of PMA going for the holidays, I made a gratitude list.
Some things I gained from my wife's mid-life crisis:
-A better relationship with my kids -An enormous new found patience -A strength I never knew I had -Forgiveness beyond anything I knew was possible for me -Acceptance of reality in a way I never did -My last "big" illusion dismembered -Co-dependance identified, dissolved, now look for Interdependence -My "Nice guy syndrome" is roadkill, now strive to be an integrated, KIND man -Recovered some old parts of me that got lost along the career, kids, relationship way -Cut away some parts of the current me that were no longer working -A spiritual augmentation -A new independence -A new appreciation and knowledge of what really matters -A better body, health -A self-knowledge enhancement -More faith, and trust, in myself -Better ability to be a real listener -Less judgmental of people -Just "myself" back again -A lot of paid time off from work accrued since I've hardy taken any days off from work, staying out of her, and my own, way...
So much more to do, grow, give, live!
Have a wonderful holiday all!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Thanks SD! I appreciate it, it was a hard won list.
As soon as I post something here on my sitch, seems something changes or new info arrives...lol
Tonight talking with W on the phone, she let out that she is trying to learn how to talk/communicate with me differently, not dump all her issues onto me all the time, as been our mode for a long time. She sees that it is an old habit that she wants to change. And thinking back over the week, there has been a more nice or pleasant tone in general about her when she interacts with me that I've noticed...
As MWD says, look for the small things when you think things are not progressing...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
You have amazing self-growth you have identified and she is concerned AND working on not just her own issues but issues WITH you!
Much better than last Christmas, no?
Keep being your wonderful (kind) self!!!
rh
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Xmas was interesting...the days before W was spinning through cycles of distance, annoyance, controlling...I just rolled with it, usually good naturedly. I took the younger ones xmas shopping and got all the stuff for a nice xmas dinner. I marinated the leg of lamb for 2 days in rosemary, garlic, dijon mustard, olive oil and a splash of merlot...it was sooo good!
W emailed me thanks for helping so much, doing the food and taking the boys shopping, it really helped her, and she also thanked me for being so patient and understanding with her moods. Sunday she initiated snuggling with me when we were talking about xmas and things.
Xmas eve day she had a break down, tears flowing, saying she was so tired of feeling the way she did, the controlling, the negativity, the cycling of moods, she laid with her head on my chest. I just listened, validated every now and then, just let her get it out. She got thirsty after a while, I offered her my glass of water, she sorta hesitated and I just said that I was "pretty sure" it was okay, that I didn't have the bubonic plague or koodies or anything like that...that got me a smile and a playful smack on the arm... She initiated a hug later in the evening.
Xmas day started off interesting with her controlling taking pictures, I wasn't supposed to, I just said okay. After a few minutes she started taking pics, lol. I just looked at her with my mischievous, happy look and something changed with her after that, seeing me with the boys, idk....saw the old W for the rest of opening. Afterwards she thanked me for rolling with her after explaining her behavior. At dinner she took my hand and held it, fingers stroking mine, above the table for a few minutes. The look on the boys faces was priceless.
So it was a much better xmas than last year, for sure. I will be interested to see if the energy change sticks around...I do expect it to fluctuate of course, but we will see. Oh, and she seems to like the rogueish beard thingy I have going, said it was very masculine.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
It seems like great progress if your W feels "safe" enough to let everything out and express herself to you. It must be kinda scary for them to be so confused all the time, so out of control with their emotions. To hear her say that she is tired of the cycling emotions... Wow, that probably helped to once again put things in perspective.
The non-affection is tough, isn't it? I'm glad your W was able to show you a few small signs. It's weird because it seems my H is always looking for reasons for me to touch him (back scratch, neck rub, fix collar, etc.), but will NOT touch me at all. I don't get it.
I will say that this entire time he has no problem drinking from my glass or eating from my fork. It is strange how each MLCer gets a bug up their butt about certain things. It always amazes me when I read about hrm's H (hi hrm!) not even eating the same meals and buying his own food.
I hope the energy stays positive, and have no doubt you can roll with the changes. (Insert REO Speedwagon here)
Have a great last few days of 2012. I have a feeling 2013 will be an awesome year for you
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
