US 52 runs right along the river. But it's not that important.
It is a beautiful drive tho.
About your W, let it go. Apparently what you've been doing has had some affect. Don't judge or look for meaning in her actions, just take them for what they are just as we expect our actions to be accepted by the WAS.
What you're looking for from her now is Consistent actions + time=change you can believe in (is that the phrase?)
Try to enjoy yourself without waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Just don't lose your focus.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks Labug, Prior to slight less than indifference I've been okay, if not good for myself. I'm enjoying the goodness, her noticing me getting a haircut, simply as that. I'm confident I can continue to do well for me, for at least awhile. Fingers crossed.
Andrew, I received the book and will start it tomorrow when I finish my latest Wayne Dyer book--very good one by the way. It's live radio interviews with Lisa Garr.
It seems that things are stable and positive. Great! What questions did you have?
Keep up the great work and focus on the progress you've made.
I really enjoyed the book, her writing style, and her suggestions. I'm on day 70. Right around day 40 is when W broke up with OM. Weird, but true. I hope you too like it and gain something from reading it.
As far I know, which isn't 100%, no mention of OM. He's not W's FB friend. W hasn't said anything about contact (texts). I'm presuming there is some, but not worried about it at this point. She doesn't live by her phone anymore and shares who she is sometimes texting. I'm trying to let it play out and hopeful OM will remain the POS and player that he is / that W sees I'm the best choice. Of not, someone out there will.
Question / statements. 1. Romantic, but not over the top, Christmas ideas? 2. Generally I haven't had any anger issues throughout our entire R, until lately of course. However I am wondering how.much my yelling, reminds W of her childhood with her mom. "Screaming Saturdays" were a regular occurrence. I can only do my best to deal / share with my anger in a heatlhy way / model it for the kids. 3. I have been teased by W and a few others for being too feminine / gay. Ways to regain my masculinity, yet remain in touch my emotions / appearance. What's the "manly" way? Side note, I 100% have nothing against GLBT orientations. Like what you like. 4. I cannot remember right now, but will add it when I think of it.
Andrew, I just started the book (audio version.) Her voice is a little creepy but the ideas are good. I'll let you know how it goes.
To answer your Q's: 1. Do something special and memorable. Think of what she misses the most in your M. She mentioned a Christmas Miracle--maybe something that has a hint of magic in it? 2. Yelling would scare the heck out of me. She's mentioned a few times that something will make you "pissy" which suggests she sees you as someone who gets angry easily. Be aware of your behavior. I used to get easily offended, and my H said it got to a point in which he stopped "being himself" so I would not get offended. 3. I can see you're a sensitive guy. Nothing wrong about it. Ask yourself if you're happy with your level of masculinity. Do you want to change that bc of what people say? Be independent from the opinion of others. My H was also teased about that when he was growing up. My mom still says that she thinks he's gay and that's the real reason he's left me :-) Funny.
Oh, never heard her voice. That's the beauty of text, in my.mind she sounds Luke an angel. Lol.
1. I'll have to think. I still have a few days. . 2. I'm either off base with my anger or she's is hypersensitive. Not denying I have my moments (typically far and few between), but I think it is the latter. Still, definitely room for improvement. I don't want anyone I care for to be afraid. 3. I am generally comfortable with mixture, just thought I'd bounce the the thought out there.
Remembered the other(s) 4. PreBD, W shared many of her friends' and coworkers' Rs with me. Most made our R look awesome. She's back to sharing more of those stories. Umm, other than displaying empathy, what am I supposed to think?
5. W has made several comments about others' Rs (money immediately close to her / us) and how infidelity is wrong. I nod and agree. In my head I'm thinking "really"? She's apologized for what she's done, but I guess she still views her A as A okay. Sorry, but had to make a joke out of it.
Andrew, I'm glad she sounds like an angel to you. Better choice was to buy the regular book. She mentioned a miracle partner. Do you have a partner?
Re: your other two q's: 4. I think her sharing stuff about other people makes your bond stronger. It's the two of you as a whole viewing the rest of the world. This is really, really good. I always tried to get my H to tell me stories about his friends but he never wanted to share anything (he never did.) I'm not sure if it's a woman thing, but sharing these stories means we want to bond. 5. I hear you. In her mind, she's justified and rationalized her A as A okay--BTW you ARE funny :-) Anyway, it took months for my H to recognize that he had made a mistake. At the beginning, he even said he wasn't sure it had been a bad thing to happen. I was thinking, WHAT? But kept my mouth shut to follow DB rules. Looking back, I wish I had expressed what I really felt. It didn't end up making a difference. But if you can keep your cool, then good for you. It's so hard, though.
Tori, No miracle partner. Just the diary app on my phone.
4. Well that's good news then. 5. Trying to keep my cool on most fronts. I have expressed many of my opinions to her. Thanks for the compliment.
So today has been uneventful. I've felt good. I've felt confident. Had an IC appt. Went well. Main thing he encouraged was to think about what kind of an that "I" want to have. No major plans for most of the w/e. Tonight we are all going to a Santa house at S7's school. Tomorrow is W day / night out. So a true test of my latest efforts to detach. Initially I was very cool with her night. She's volunteered a lot of details about her plans. Now she's thinking of taking most of the day too. Is be lieing if that didn't trigger me some. I'm not going to say anything and just go with it. Oh, I did stop and buy the "Save Your Marriage W/o Talking" book. So that will be a part of my plan while she's out.
A few more questions (in addition to the ones above, things that I haven't had time to focus on since obese more into her directly). 6. At Thanksgiving my sad didn't say anything to her. Do I mention anything directly to him? 7. I have been holding onto several stock dividend checks. Do I deposit them into one of our accounts or open a separate / secret account? I'm not being selfish / greedy, I have had these before we ever got together and legally if we D, they will remain mine. So what to do, as I'm tired of holding onto them?
Hey. I'm almost through with the book. It's interesting, but I wonder if it puts too much emphasis on what's wrong. I guess her theory is that by releasing the hurt one can finally manifest one's desires. I can see that. I would also do it w/out a partner--writing the items, that is. I made myself laugh :-)
My H bought the Save your M w/out talking about it. He thought it wasn't good. We'll see what you think.
Your Qs: 6. Do you mean that your Dad is not speaking to your W? I would talk to him about it, but not too much. Being a parent who sees his child go through something like what you're going through must be painful. I stopped telling my mom a lot of stuff, bc it was straining our R. 7. Do you have a personal (not joint) account? I would deposit the checks there, and keep records of the amounts just in case. If you don't have a personal account, I recommend opening one, as well as having your own credit cards (which I'm pretty sure you have.)
So, why is she having a "night out?" Does she still consider you two are doing an in-house separation? Do you have your own night out?
