Being Me, If you look at his past behavior, you will see him doing this. Everytime you talk about leaving or divorcing, he does this. I am of the opinion this behavior by him is an attempt to stall you or get you to change your mind.
Snodderly and Braveheart - I agree with you. I think H is stalling. Why, I don't know?! He seems very depressed, hates his job (which is a cyclical thing). Oh well, don't know what else to do except get a D and move on. I'll be writing my book, and hope I can get it published, and earn my own money. Graduation is just 1.5 years away, but it would be nice to have a book out already. I don't want to rely on H financially, if I can avoid it. It was so exciting on Tuesday night ... a portion of my movie script was acted out. First time. I didn't realize how much work writing a script would be, especially for a movie ... in one semester. But, I did it. I am learning that I can do anything I set my heart to.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Some mlcers will stall the divorce. For example, I moved ahead on the legal separation and my xh wouldn't provide the necessary data and kept coming up w/bs all of the time. Finally, when I stopped pushing for the divorce, he then starting pushing for the divorce and still didn't provide the necessary. At the end of the day, they used my information for the divorce. They are just plain crazy and truly don't know what they want.
You'll get your book written and in record time...just be sure you take some time out for yourself. Congratulations on actually seeing some of your work being acted out. I'm sure it gave you a good feeling to see some of your movie script "live"!
Yes, you can do anything you put your heart, soul and mind to. Never doubt yourself! Always think positive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
A reason he may have been stalling is the for tax purposes. I had to dig it out of him (as in all cases) but he hasn't submitted in 3 years --- he's paid our taxes (small business owner). So, once again, I have to fix things. This is why he doesn't include me in financial affairs --- 'cause he doesn't want me to know when he f#cks up. As I said to him, "scr#w your pride ... this is my life too." So I went to a CA to get all of this sorted out. It's cost me $2000, so far, but I can't get a D until this is settled. My lawyer is aware of this, and knows I have to wait.
I'm not angry right now, just disappointed. This could've been the best marriage, but he was not an inclusive H. I was living half my life, not knowing what was going on in the other half. I am a little resentful of that right now, but I'll get over it once I'm divorced and moving on and living MY life. This will never happen again. I am not in the mind to get married again, to have some idiot run my life. Huge lesson learned. Love doesn't make things right - trust does, and I don't trust my H at all, and probably never will again. Too much water has not only flowed under the bridge, but has flooded the bridge, knocked it's foundation, and the water has burst the banks of the river, and ... you get the gist. I want out so badly, I can taste it, feel it, measure it, yet here is another "roadblock" that he has put up. I guess because of "the flood ahead." I fear what else he has in store for me to uncover. I'm expecting everything and anything ... nothing is impossible where my H is concerned. He hides things very well, and only reveals when he has to.
Slowly, my love has been trickling out these past few months. As does so, my view of him becomes clearer. Respect and trust is all but gone. He still gives the facade of a "good guy" but I'm finding out the true man, and it ain't pretty. He's not evil, mind you, just self absorbed, too proud in that puffed up way, and a scared little boy. Oh, how I used to think so differently of him before, years ago.
Well, that's muh thoughts for the day. I have to rewrite my lib. studies essay and have astronomy exams next week. So, busy, busy, busy.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Some more thoughts ... (trying to avoid the study/essay maybe?) LOL
All we can do in this life is learn, then re-learn, then continue on in this vein. In this process, our minds are changed (some slowly, some fast), we sometimes manage to drag ourselves figuratively kicking and screaming away from toxic, addictive relationships, diving into new ideas and flipping through the pages of different realities. Life is weird, yet wonderful, isn't it? We feel the pain, and move through it (those of us who have given birth, know this) ... gotta give birth to that new life ... can't put the old life back.
One thing I do know for sure is that we don't get out of this life alive, and I'll be d#mned if I'm lying on my death bed, still pining for my H. No. Freaking. Way. He abandoned me a long time ago ... now I abandon him in my heart and mind. I've been trying to do this for 7 years ... restore or end.
End it is. His choice, and now mine.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
And btw, I don't see why you have to put the divorce on hold because of this? Wouldn't it actually be better to finish it so he can't drag you into any new financial trouble?
And I don't know about Canada, but here in the U.S., I believe there is a clause that you can use if you didn't know about your spouse cheating on taxes, that exempts you from penalties. Don't know if that could help you at all.
Hi kml --- if there is such a clause, then I can't use it now, since I know about this. I've been to a CA and he is investigating. H didn't cheat so much as didn't do the tax returns. He paid the taxes, and this is documented. The hold-up for me is that I don't want any complications and this might be one when the D appears before the judge. H is supposed to hand in 3 years of tax returns to assess my alimony. If this isn't done, then I'm worried this will mean more legal fees, and more time lost. So, I'm trying to pre-empt that situation from happening. Not sure if I'm doing the right thing, but I do like my ducks in a row, the last one in the water before moving onto the next row of ducks.
As for credit card debt --- it's mostly work related, so I will not be responsible for that. And, he is adamant that we've been separated for 2 years, so be it. He can't come up with stuff during that time and tell me to pay up. The divorce won't be held up too long ... a couple of weeks, a month maybe.
I'm also waiting for a copy of our Marriage Cert. from our country of origin. I applied for it about a months ago. Strangely, the one I had among my documents, and never touched, has disappeared. My L says it shouldn't be a huge problem in filing, but need it for finality. So, hope that comes soon.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe, It's been a long time coming and the finish line is in the distance, but you are gaining ground very rapidly. I would suggest that you contact the office where you requested a copy of your marriage license and see what the hold up is. It could have gotten lost in the shuffle in that office or lost in the mail.
I wouldn't be the least bit surprised that you find the one that has suddenly disappeared from your home when you least expect it.
I'm sure you are busy winding down on your class assignments and looking forward to the holidays and a bit of a rest.
I hope that you will take some time for yourself during the holidays and just enjoy them a bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
