But for real Rick, some pets don't need much attention but can still "interact" & make living noises...like a bird. We had finches (active & make cute noises & nest a lot-very active but not screechy or loud). Also had cockatiels (smart!) & a huge red tailed hawk (h was a falconer 30 years ago-intense hobby)...
yes I LOVE my dogs (I swear my dogs sense pain & anger & sadness. I'm sure of it. & who doesn't love beung greeted when you come home? But if you are gone a lot, you're right not to get one yet. Maybe if d comes to live there someday...
My sister has a friendly cat, so I know it can happen, but to me they seem too independent usually. Anyhow, you are making progress!! PLAN NOW for holidays...& do Not react to the spew your Xw may aim @you as reality sinks in more...
but Rick, what's wrong w/a wave in your x's general direction or acknowlegment of her presence, or just plain civil behavior when you get your d? Wouldn't that be easier on your d than ignoring her?
Try hard to LISTEN to what your d tells you (instead of "teaching like a dad", which my d's have complained of in the past w/my h. He's so concerned about them knowing what HE thinks, or so they say, & not enough on what THEY think...)
but remember you're the parent, SHE's the kid who needs reassurance.
I fear you might get a bit needy around her, when She's got to be going thru some hard stuff of Her own. Who does SHE have to talk to? Any bffs? A counselor or boyfriend?
Keep us posted!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
It was funny and funny/cruel. Rick's W loves horses, he apparently does not. So why not get a horse?!?!? Maybe it is just a little inside baseball since we know each other in the alt.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Can't sleep tonite. One month since ex moved. Seen her once. Went to Acme today and saw her car so I went home. Stressing over finances. Who isn't right? 17 months and still feeling crappy? Ok vented and feel better.
Missing my D. I want to see her this weekend. I need goals a plan. Does that make me controlling? I can't live aimlessly.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
No you cannot live aimlessly. Having goals is necessary. A plan can be manipulative and controlling so guard against that. At the end of the day you are really only in control of yourself and you are the person looking back from the mirror. He is who you must live with.
I cannot speak for you or your daughter. I can relate my own experience. After X left, family and especially the kids wanted a return to normal. Of course that could not be. We needed to establish what the new normal was to be. In a lot of ways we were learning to piece. I became the lighthouse. I worked to make my home a safe harbor. I worked to make myself a good steward of that safe harbor. I found a lot of the advice about rebuilding a relationship with a X was applicable to rebuilding a relationship with the rest of my family.
A word of caution, I needed to guard against allowing some family members assuming unhealthy relationship aspects. I had to set boundaries and in a few instances distance from rescue attempts. It would have been easy to permit, however doing so would have prevented healthy growth. This is where I needed to assert control of myself and stay on my path.
Of course YMMV.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Having goals and a plan does not make you controlling.
I suggest though that you pick up a goal that has NOTHING to do with your ex or anything else. Someplace to put your focus that is separate from your problems.
In my case, the first time my ex cheated, I trained to climb Mt. Whitney.
When we later separated and divorced, I learned to play the drums in a rock band
When you're focusing on something like that, it takes the focus off those other things. Are you working out, going to meetups, doing charity work, taking a class to further your job, taking up a new artistic endeavour? Stretch your wings. Do standup comedy. Something. What have you always wanted to do but been afraid? I found that after the "worst" that could happen to my marriage did - I became almost fearless to try new things. After all, no failure would be worse than the failure of my marriage - and I'd survived that!
As to finances - check out the blog by Mr. Money Mustache. Lots of good things to think about there. Strategic frugality at this point in your life can lead to great rewards later.
Haven't posted in a while. Gotta say that I been feeling alot better. The depression is lifting. I think that I'm getting used to living alone, it's really not that bad. Keeping myself really busy on the weekends. My D is hanging with me on Sunday she didn't want to stay all weekend. I'm ok with that.The one thing that I'm having difficulties with is learning to cook for one. Made a lasagna last weekend it is huge I will probably have it for dinner for 6 more nights.I could freeze some but I don't like to freeze cheese. My cooking skills are returning.So I'm good there. and my house is always clean. Haven't had any contact with exw since she moved 6 weeks ago, I believe. Sad to say I don't miss her. I think I miss the idea of a family but not her. Is that weird?
On the financial front, well things are tight but the stress is more of a self induced thing. Now that I got my head out of a$$ things don't look so gloomy. I was down with the job search feeling crappy but last Friday I said eff it. I began to remember how many people I know in my field so I email, FB message some of them and now I have an army looking out for me. Today people were wondering why I haven't sent my resume to them. So all in all things are getting better. I am also thinking of going towards a more independent track. I can earn a lot more than working for someone. So KML that is a goal I have set for myself even if I do it on a part time basis initially. My Medicaid provider number was cancelled due to me not taking clients. So I am waiting for a new application. If I get approved I can hire therapist under my number and do all of their billing while they provide the service. Usually on a 60/40 basis. Exited about that. So yes it does get better.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick: I'm so glad to hear that the worst has passed and the future does not look so bleak. Having plans and goals is the way to go. The only way that you will get the life that you envision.
Your daughter loves you and wants to keep your relationship going. Good for her. Good for you.
OK - so maybe you need to learn to cook in half. Making smaller meals. Years ago when I first got married (age 20) I was given a book "Cooking for 2" that I still use to this day. I love cooking for 2 as it gives me 2 nights of dinner (or 1 when Josh is here). But I'm sure there must be numerous recipes online. And someday you might have a girl to impress with your cooking ability. Trust me - it's very attractive to have a man cook for you (hot dogs and Kraft dinner don't count).
