Turtles, Lists and Toilet Brushes

[figure-it-out]

Zig,
WOW, what a rough few weeks for you. Sounds like a crazy roller coaster ride of seemingly positive moves from your H (maybe because as you said it benefits him) to what I think is incredible insight and growth on your part.
You have very eloquently communicated what I know many of us on this board are feeling and thinking. It's all a crazy trip but you are not alone. I am glad you found your way back and look forward to seeing where this road takes all of us!

[zig]

Thanks figure - for your words and for your encouragement. i really feel for you where you are at - I went to read a bit on your thread tonight. You are being so strong in how long you have been patient and I hope you give yourself lots of credit for that

zig

[bustingout]

Welcome back. Your spot on the blanket has been waiting for you.

Grab a glass. Not letting you go again.

It is time for me to really wake up and see that and not stay under some illusion that maybe tomorrow he will change his mind.

Its all going to be about YOU now. If he changes his mind/if he doesn't, its not your concern right now. Enough of him for now.

But mostly it is time for me to come back here and seek the love, support and advice from the people who truly know what i am going through and can help me to focus on what is important for me and who can 2 x 4 me up the creek when i need it most.

Let's do this.

Love you zig.

((((((( )))))))

[labug]

zig, I thought you would find your way back here.

My advice to me and it might be helpful for you.

My H doesn't want to be with me. He's made that very clear so I need to give him that. Make a gift of my absence in his life.

I want to see him but when I do it creates lots of emotion in me. Upsetting emotion because his wants and needs are different from mine right now. We are no longer a team working toward a common goal. We are tow people trying to extricate ourselves from this life we shared.

So for my well-being, it's best that we don't see each other, talk to each other, email each other. (I know you have S, and you need to communicate about that)

I can still have love for him from a distance (another emotion that will pass in time), I can still have compassion for him.

I need to do what's best for me, it took me a long time to get here but that's it.

And if your H seems muddled about what he wants, that's his problem. Don't allow him to muddle you, too.

Your problem to solve is what does zig want, what's best for zig.

(((zig))) glad you're back.

[zig]

Thanks busting - I think I'm sort of crawling back on. I don't know if I've really got off or not. But I don't feel the elation of being there like i used to.

Something big has shifted in me. Last night I read through this thread - and I couldn't remember how I was back then. I sounded so cheerful and positive and motivated. I couldn't recognize myself. But it helped me to see that i was in that place and so that meant I could get back there again - soon, I hope

Thanks for holding on sweet friend. I love you for it

(((((((( ))))))))
zig

[unbidden]

Zig, I so missed you. And you are being too hard on yourself. Just because you're not perfect (and who is), that doesn't mean your not fit for a relationship. Otherwise, truly no one would be so fit-- and what a lonely world. (((,))))))

[zig]

oh Labug - (((((((( ))))))))

is that the longest post you ever wrote to me? I am quoting you on the entire thing. and thank you for passing on to me what you received. You are exactly right and even though the words you write are so so sad to read, they are true and they are what they are.

I am finally feeling truly humbled during this experience. and only now when i feel the real humility, can i hear the words of so many others that wrote about that on the board. and the humility comes from finally realizing that in so much as we "demand" that our WAS's transform , when we face our own incredible battle to make real deep long-lasting changes, we see what we are truly up against.

And it's an eye-opener to also see that until we have reached a certain stage in our own growth we do not have the ability to make the sort of boundaries you describe - that no, this is not good for me, no this is not healthy for me, yes i need space and time to heal.

and to find out what does zig want...

thank you for being here for me and welcoming me back. i'm glad i found my way back

zig

[2chiquitos]

Zig,
Many many hugs. I don't have much to respond except that I'm glad you're back. And you can get yourself out of this rut and back to your normal happy self again.

Take care friend ;-)

[subguy]

Zig, I am new here and just read your thread. What an inspiration you are. Keep up the good work, you affect people here in a positive way.

[keep_going]

Hi Zig,

Sorry it took me some time to come over and welcome you back. I am glad you decided to reach out again. What you are going through now is so hard and it's no fun trying to go at it alone. I thank you for your words, and bug's - I am also going through the same stage in my journey and I am desperately trying to find a way to get out of the rut.

I also read some of my older posts and I find it hard to believe I wrote them - seems like I was also at such a different space. The reality of it all just hit so hard. Yes, it is what it is and now we have to decide what we are going to to about this FOR US.

I send you a huge hug - you know you are not alone. I wish there was an easy or fast way out of this... we know there isn't. So I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other and look up. Today is a new day and a new opportunity for us to be the best version of ourselves we can.

You are an amazing, strong, beautiful and kind woman and I am grateful to share this journey with you and learn from you and others here every day.

((((zig))))