Labug, I don't think he will be faithful. I don't even know if I want to save anything. I just feel numb really. I hate thinking about how happy he is with his new ow and how he all of a sudden changed and can be faithful and loving to her. It hurts alot. I hope to use DB to help me find myself first. This has always worked for me in the past. It was only that after I found myself and let him go that he has come home. There is where I fail bc after he is home for a little while I start becoming clingy and needy again. I usually end up giving up my dreams again to make him happy. I don't even know myself anymore. That's why I came back here to this bb to find strength.
You guys have no idea how much this is helping me.
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Lisa, Then allow the texts to sit if he's acting immature and they aren't an emergency. He wants you to be right where he left you and he wants to ensure that you are not seeing someone while he's out there doing his own thing.
Sounds to me like he's using projection and is baiting you to respond to him. Don't! If you have an emergency or it's child related, that is something else, but texts of what you shared w/us...no! Ignore him. There are some that want attention and they don't care if it is negative or positive.
Your h really needs professional help to explore all of the avenues of why he's cheating, i.e., the entire sexual arena. He definitely has something missing within himself that he can't seem to fill up/complete.
Lisa, you've been down this road several times, you know that you are going to be okay. There are no guarantees that this man will come home and then go out there again and cheat on you. You have to sit quietly and figure out what you want. Are you willing to allow him to return and do this again? Are you willing to be disrespected by him again? What is this revolving door demonstrating to your children? Honey, you've got to stand firm and do what is healthy and right for you and your family because he sure isn't.
You are going to be okay no matter what.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
and just to add, you don't know that he's faithful and loving to her so stop torturing yourself. You don't what will happen down the road.
This has always worked for me in the past. It was only that after I found myself and let him go that he has come home.
What you need to think about is, are you willing to let him "come home" without showing you real changes. It's like letting the alcoholic who promises to stop drinking if you let them come home. Without out hard work and time, they will drink again.
I think any recurrent/addictive behaviors that are abusive to the family should be treated the same way.
You will be OK.
Have you read Codependent No More, if not get it today. If you have it, read it again.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Your not pathetic at all and don't let yourself think otherwise. IMO he is trying to control you by sending you those messages. He wants you to want him, Ti respond to him. He wants to know you will still be there if things go sour in his current R. Just ignore the texts, if you can do that reply saying that at his present time you are not seeing anyone but you will not be responding to this type of text anymore. He is free to think what he wants.
You will get through this.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
I do feel that he is happy with her. I mean why not here at home we have financial difficulties, 6 kids, my disabled mother and his job that he works 12 hrs a day at then add in his 2 hr commute to work and 2 he commute from work. He has Sundays and Wednesday off. With her he has nothing to bring him down. It's all relaxed fun. She is going through a divorce bc she left her husband for mine. She told me she wanted freedom and someone to love her and that's what my husband gives her. He says she is fun and everything is so easy and natural. Yeah I have been here before and it still hurts to hear those things
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
I know how you feel. My STBXW and I share custody of children where I get them three nights a week. I don't know if AM is involved, but she sure loves the freedom. She goes out all three nights without a thought.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Yep Grateful, we are left to deal with their messes and they love their freedom
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
I have to say that I was the major cause of this situation. I was never there for her, and I don't think I met any of her needs. She now tastes what life is without me, and she is happy now without my weight on her.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Well it's good you realize that. My h always took me for granted and I let him get away with it. That's why I am in this situation.
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
