And once the dust settles, you just might surprise yourself - let me tell you, it's NICE not to be walking on eggshells around a MLC spouse all the time.
Consider this your chance to do the things you've always wanted to do, to get in shape, to reinvent yourself, to take up something new (I took up playing the drums, now I play in a rock/punk band )
KML I thought I would deal with this better. I miss my family life so much that I can't explain. I'm so heart broken that I don't know if I will get over this? It just hurts soo much!
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
It takes time Rick but, yes, the sun will come out again...maybe not tomorrow but it will come out. Remember, feelings come and go and they only have the power that we give them. Hope you feel better soon.
Most of us can relate you how you are feeling - we've been there. It's a tough time.
But "Letting Go" is kind of like having a tooth pulled. It hurts for a while, often intensely - you just can't wait to get to the dentist. Once it is extracted - you feel so relieved. But then - how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably 100 times a day. Just because it is no longer throbbing - it still hurts at first. After a while the pain is not there but when you run your tongue over that space - you still notice it. It has left a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It's going to take a while to get past it - it takes time.
But should you have kept the tooth? No - because it was causing you so much pain. But it will take a while to get past it. You will "Let Go" and move on in time.
Barb I have read your post several times today. Great analogy. I still hurt. Today I felt desperate. I hurt every where. I still can't believe my family is gone. All I knew and worked and lived for. I know you know. I miss my D my dogs her room her toys I miss my ex. I miss her car in the driveway her cooking. It was all taken away in a second. My dreams and hopes and future. It's like what's next. Why keep at it. That's how I feel right now. Hope you guys don't get sick of my pity potty.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick: It has been 11 years since I was where you are right now. Mine came straight out of left field - no warning. The shock lingered for a log time, the sadness for a lot longer. And I still think about how nasty it was BUT...
Look at me now. I never thought I would get to this point. A point where I'm happier than I ever was with him (total truth).
I'm sure I wore many, many friends out. I cried and carried on for months, years even. But less over time.
The point is - you NEED to grieve. It is OK to grieve. To feel it. To miss it. To be sad. To let go. It is normal. But it is a stage that you will go through and then you will start to get better.
If you try to avoid this grieving - you will not get past it. So know that what you are feeling is normal. And you WILL start to have some good times soon. And when you do - don't feel guilty for feeling better - you've earned it.
Have you lined up any fun things to look forward to? How about going to the movies? Or inviting a friend over for coffee/beer. I'm sure there are friends you know who can offer a supportive, listening ear. Or, better yet - don't talk about it - have a distraction.
Couple of steps you can take. Change your story line here to update your info. Change your voice mail to one that is positive and upbeat with just your name on it. Walk through your home and make a list of what you might want to rearrange or a couple of things you'd like to buy to personalize your space.
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