Accepting reality, moving on with my life

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Denver

I know you've lived through that hell a lot longer than I did & through your determination and staying power you are still in your M.

I just had to draw line, because I couldn't live like this anymore.

I think you just know when you are ready to move on, you have to get real detachment first.

Her choices will come back to haunt my W, her choices, her life, her bed etc etc...

Although it's been a crappy couple of days I'm strong enough to get through this.

A strongly agree with all of that ^^^

And yes, we all have our own limits. You stood for your M. For that, you should be proud. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your decision to be done.

[breakdownbill]

Cheers Denver

My M was worth standing for and I'm glad that I tried to save it, but this was a fight I was never going to win.

I need to save myself and be the man I want to be. I want to provide for my kids in every way, I want them to be proud of their dad and I want them to see me happy.

[Denver_2010]

Cheers Denver

My M was worth standing for and I'm glad that I tried to save it, but this was a fight I was never going to win.

I need to save myself and be the man I want to be. I want to provide for my kids in every way, I want them to be proud of their dad and I want them to see me happy.

Then you DID win!

[breakdownbill]

Yeah, you are right

Hey Denver I posted this earlier, do you think this temporary arrangement might work.. I was going to talk to W about this idea.

think we are going to have to separate very soon and as a short term solution, i'm going to suggest that we split staying in this house with the kids. My W will stay here for 4 nights, I will stay here for 3.

This would be a separation that wouldn't involve taking out any extra rentals straight away & would be an affordable option for both of us.

The nights when we are away from the children could be spent at either our parents house or a friends (in all honesty probably the OM's house for my W most of the time).

We wouldn't have to pay that much if anything to stay at some of these places for the nights that we aren't there and it would do the exact same thing as when I get my own place.

As I said this would only be temporary and we could trial it out for a fortnight or a month to see if it worked out.

This way I'm not worried about space in terms of where will my children sleep when I'm with them.

[breakdownbill]

It has been a couple of days since what happened on Sunday between my W and I and I've had time to let things settle. Now I'm starting to wonder just how much longer I can stick living in the same house as her.

Do you think what I wrote yesterday about splitting the time we spend at the house together with the kids could work in the short term?

I know that it goes against what what you should do when getting a divorce but I really want to move out now. Even if it is just to my parents or sister's place for the short term, the kids could stay there with me for my 3 nights anyway if I moved out.

My W said that she would sign the paperwork agreeing to buy me out of the house and to a 60 / 40 split on residency for the children.

If I moved out now instead of the summer would it really make that much difference to my situation?

[Denver_2010]

It has been a couple of days since what happened on Sunday between my W and I and I've had time to let things settle. Now I'm starting to wonder just how much longer I can stick living in the same house as her.

Do you think what I wrote yesterday about splitting the time we spend at the house together with the kids could work in the short term?

I know that it goes against what what you should do when getting a divorce but I really want to move out now. Even if it is just to my parents or sister's place for the short term, the kids could stay there with me for my 3 nights anyway if I moved out.

My W said that she would sign the paperwork agreeing to buy me out of the house and to a 60 / 40 split on residency for the children.

If I moved out now instead of the summer would it really make that much difference to my situation?

Sorry I didn't respond to you yesterday Bill. I missed that post somehow.

I think that it really is up to you whether or not you can handle such an arrangement. It may yet be difficult on you emotionally. Your statement:

"Now I'm starting to wonder just how much longer I can stick living in the same house as her."

makes me wonder if that is what is best for you.

Personally? I couldn't do it.

Otherwise, I don't see how it could affect your situation.

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Denver

My M is over (legally no, but will be soon), it makes no difference to my W if I am here or not, it won't slow down what she is doing with the OM.

I don't care what she does now, the door is shut on any R with me and if she changed her mind & came back now I would reject her advances. I need the time apart from her, whether that is permanent or not only time will tell, but right now she is not someone I want a R with.

If I can still see my kids 3 nights and 3 days a week on my own (quality time), whilst having 4 days & nights to get through my UNI work and get my life back on track, what is stopping me?

I don't want the house, I want a new house, a blank canvas that I can call my own for me and the kids. This will happen next summer at the latest, moving in with family will help me alot right now, both financially and emotionally.

[Denver_2010]

what is stopping me?

I don't want the house, I want a new house, a blank canvas that I can call my own for me and the kids. This will happen next summer at the latest, moving in with family will help me alot right now, both financially and emotionally.

Exactly. What is stopping you? Nothing. That is what I would do.

[breakdownbill]

what is stopping me?

I don't want the house, I want a new house, a blank canvas that I can call my own for me and the kids. This will happen next summer at the latest, moving in with family will help me alot right now, both financially and emotionally.

Exactly. What is stopping you? Nothing. That is what I would do.

^^^ Cheers Denver, this is the validation I think I needed.

A solicitor (lawyer) would advise me to stay put, but for my sitch it isn't going to affect access with the children or being bought out of the house.

The time my children are with me will be quality time and I will make sure my workload is up to date so they get to spend 3 great days and nights with dad every week.

I need to do this now for me.

Bill

[Denver_2010]

I guess that I should have stated that that's what I would do with the caveat that if a lawyer thought it would be harmful to your custody rights, that I would not. I don't know the law in England. I am fairly confident that it would not be harmful here in colorado.