WHG: Waiting out the time before D...

[workinghardguy]

I'd officially like to have my birthday as a do-over if I could...? Today was my 39th birthday. Had planned to spend it with friends and my son. But the stomach flu decided to visit us so instead spent the day caring for my little one. We still had some fun, but he's so miserable right now that it just didn't have that birthday feel to it.

I think I need to stop having birthdays. Anyone who has tuned in previously may remember that last year it was SD who had the flu on my birthday. Although... last year I ended up having to wait up until 7am for my W to get home from the bar... at least this year I'm free from that drama and whatever she's doing, she's doing but it's not my drama.

Tomorrow is my last birthday present from STBX... we have our final divorce hearing. Been pretty emotional all day over that. Having S sick certainly hasn't helped. Sick little ones need lots of patience from their parents and I've let him down today on that end I'm sad to say. At least in 12 hours that part of the equation will be done.

And life goes on.

[labug]

^^I agree, have your birthday again.

[workinghardguy]

You guys are funny... you both basically just said what my STBX just posted on my Facebook page...

[workinghardguy]

That's funny... STBX.. oops... XW is also a nurse

Well, it's done. Six years over. 1 year, two months and four days from the bomb at the courthouse across the street from the house we first lived in. Some kind words from the judge how he wished more couples could set things aside and work things out with their focus on their children. Small consolation for all the pain. XW and I were both crying at the end.

I know it's just a legal process but it still suxx and still hurts.

[labug]

Sorry, I know it must be painful.

It's been a long haul for you. Your son is lucky to have you.

[needgrace]

So sorry, WHG. you sound like such a nice and kind person, i hope that you are taking good care of yourself. (((((( )))))))

[sayitaintso]

Sorry WHG and Happy belated Birthday. Its not just a legal process, its an emotional one as well. Grieve as long as necessary.

[bustingout]

Sorry WHG. I hope you are taking care of yourself too. (((( )))

Do your birthday over for sure.

[workinghardguy]

Three weeks out from the divorce. Quite frankly feels like a lifetime already. Doing alright I guess. Shortly after my XW moved out I jumped on Meetup to try and find some local groups. There was a group on there for 20 and 30 somethings. The group started up but then fizzled out. Thankfully the group re-launched itself and now is pretty active. I've made a few good friends and acquaintances through that. Between that, church, and my volunteering those have all been lifesavers.

Even found myself at the bar Tuesday night for our trivia league. Finally a bar league I'm good at We ended up having a lot of fun with the three 20-something team of nurses sitting next to us. Too bad I felt more like their big brother, but it was still fun

Still strongly dislike the five day stretches where S is with my XW. Though, I don't think I've ever had a five day stretch that truly was one. Most Sundays I can take him to church or XW works one of the five days if not two.

Finding time to connect with SS and SD is still the hardest part. Especially the last few weeks. XW's work schedule has been giving her days off when she has all the kids so I see them much less. Went Black Friday shopping for all of them and we're going to do a joint Christmas. I still call and talk to them or text message them, but just not the same by a long shot.

Otherwise XW and I get along ok. I really don't see or talk to her much except about the kids. She volunteers to come let the dog out when work takes me out of town. Once in a while I volunteer to take the kids when she has bellydancing or something thing. It works for us.

About the only conflict comes when money gets involved. Last weekend I finally split our phone plans, which she's been on me to do forever. Her monthly bill went up $30/month. Mine went down $25/month. I warned it would happen, but she was still her old, angry self when it happened. A few days prior to that she learned she had to either a) change hospitals/clinics or b) pay $25 more a month for health insurance due to premium increases. Yep... that's how this thing works I'm sorry to say.

But doing ok. Don't cry nearly as much anymore... most times the sadness hits when I'm missing the kids. Not dating yet or still. Still think about it but just don't have the energy or desire to go there.

[workinghardguy]

My New Years resolution is to be on the boards more Life has been going good and I think I've avoided the boards because I didn't feel strong enough to come back here. There are still emotions that wash over me when I log in here, but they are different now I guess.

Christmas went well. I'll admit I was apprehensive coming up to it, but the holiday comes one way or the other

The weekend before my S and I went to Madison to see the Nutcracker. He's 6 and has been begging to go for the past month so... why not? We made a weekend out of it at a waterpark, an art museum, the capitol, etc... We had a blast and he absolutely loved the ballet. Now he's begging me to take him back in March for Dracula

Christmas Day went pretty good. XW brought SS and SD over and we all opened gifts together. XW and I went in together on gifts for the kids. We all hung out together at my house for about three hours before they headed off to my XMIL's house. I had S Christmas Eve and that's when we did stuff with my mom.

Christmas definitely had a poignant moment... I took my S over to the hospital to visit a family friend who was hospitalized over the holiday. I stepped out of her room to get some ice and as I came up to the door I heard my S and our friend talking. My S was telling Sue all about our trip. She told him that his daddy must love him a lot. My S replied "oh I know! He loves me more than anything else in the world". Then she asked my S how he's doing and replied "I'm doing good. The divorce isn't so bad now, I'm getting used to it. And we still do things together once in a while like tomorrow we'll all open presents and mommy and daddy can open my present for them together."

It was the first time I've heard my S say that the divorce at least isn't so bad In two weeks it will mark the year anniversary of telling the kids.

Meanwhile XW continues to struggle. Her job, the 50/50 time split with her other XH, and life mean she doesn't see the kids much. She just came off of a six day run of not seeing them. At the same time she doesn't do anything extraordinary to change that, but that's her choice. She's frustrated because she can't get a different job and money is tight all the time.

I have noticed a few small things lately... her and BF have cooled somewhat. On Christmas she told me she's trying to give him and his S more space as they go through an ugly divorce process. Last week I dropped off a couple things the kids left at my house the night before and noticed she was wearing her wedding ring, albeit on the wrong hand but still weird.

For New Years I asked if I could have the kids for part of the evening to take them to a local indoor amusement place that runs a New Years Eve special. She asked if she could come along... I said sure.

So I don't know what any of that means or if it means anything... but I found myself not really caring, for the first time, when she asked if she could come along. Normally I would've treated that text message like a fragile egg... now... eh, having her along will make S ecstatic and it means I get to keep my promise to SS and SD about taking them there.