And yes, very good point. We're talking vacations and going to the retrouvaille post sessions and local meetings. We're having dates and ML nearly every day. W is calling with her plans, coming home early most days, asking to do things with me, rarely on the phone at home.
There are still ups and downs, but definitely more ups these days. I still have 2 more DB Coach sessions paid for, but I'm actually considering gifting them to my W. We'll see how things go over the next few weeks and see if she's interested.
Personally, I still have a long way to go and am continuing to work on me, but you helped me get over some sizable hurdles and I really, really appreciate all the time you spent with me. You're style really made me think, and it was really a good fit for me. I really feel blessed. My sincerest thank you!
You do still have a long way to go, yet you have come really far.
I want you to see, that you have way too much focus on the situation instead of just enjoying the little things that can add up.
Take things one day at a time, let the little things (actions) speak really loudly to you , and propel you through the times when you feel like beating your head against a wall.
Life is about the journey, not just the destination. To me, it still means something about how I get to my destination. Eventually, we will all die, and we don't get to take anything with us except for our legacy.
BD....remember that you are the one who did the work, I just helped you see the things that you couldn't/wouldn't see in yourself.
Your welcome...
And to really thank me, keep paying it forward to the others that are behind you....
That is where true gratitude really lies, and that is what this site is built on...
I'm not around much anymore, so if you need me, just give me a shout out, and I will be around as soon as I can.
You have much to be proud of, regardless the outcome of your marriage. (Although you appear to be on the right track with that).
I want you to see, that you have way too much focus on the situation instead of just enjoying the little things that can add up.
Take things one day at a time, let the little things (actions) speak really loudly to you , and propel you through the times when you feel like beating your head against a wall.
Agreed. I have really being taking it day by day, but I'd like to break that down into smaller pieces and enjoy the moments more.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
And to really thank me, keep paying it forward to the others that are behind you....
That is where true gratitude really lies, and that is what this site is built on...
Definitely trying to do that and hope to continue as I learn more and my sitch gets better (fingers crossed). I also talked to my W about volunteering to help with retrouvaille. It wasn't the fix all for us, but I do think it's a great program and so many people face similar struggles as us. So far, she's been really open to the idea.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
You do still have a long way to go, yet you have come really far.
You have much to be proud of, regardless the outcome of your marriage. (Although you appear to be on the right track with that).
Thanks, and agreed.
In the book, A Journey Called You, the author says a couple of things about the "inner shift" that has stuck with me. She says, "Most people try to change their behavior. This may work for a while, but it is rarely sustainable. Change how you think, change how you think about yourself, and you easily change the results in your life."
This is the journey I've started, and will continue on.
Change how you think, change how you think about yourself, and you easily change the results in your life."
I love this breakdown. this rings so true... its not outwardly behavior that brings change, its internal movement that results in change.
so happy for you breakdown!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Well... things are looking pretty good for you! Amazing journey you've been on. I'm lucky to continue to benefit from your experience and good advice and I'm sure that many of the others here are benefiting as well.
Me43, H43 M 11, T 14 S10, S8 OA (me) 4-6/12 S 6/12 - 9/12 Piecing 1/13
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Thanks for the support. Things are definitely going pretty well right now. I was a little worried about how the last 5-6 days were going to go as we had a lot of stressful activities including a couple of days dedicated to W's family, but everything went pretty well.
We're still both a little stressed as work is busy for both of us and our weeks seem to fill up pretty fast with activities, but I think trying to enjoy the moments definitely helps me, and me being happy definitely helps my W. Still shopping that vacation....we could really use a few days to reset.
Wow, is it a full moon or something? Seems like everyone's week is going to hell in a hand basket.
I got notice of court hearing yesterday in the mail. I called in a favor and had it looked up and it appears that my W has filed everything required for D and our initial date is now set for Jan.
W got a similar letter in the mail yesterday. I saw her open it and put it in her purse, but she didn't mention it. I didn't want to say anything about it, as I like to have some time to digest, but it's a bit of a surprise.
We had an issue with S18 last night so were both up extremely late. As we lied in bed, we talked about how excited we were for Friday, as we are getting massages, grabbing sushi after, and then seeing a concert, with an overnight stay downtown. The whole thing seems like a dream now.
We texted a little today and at one point she said my patience and understanding with her and the kids these days is incredible. Uh...thanks...I guess.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not freaking out or anything, but it does hurt my feelings that this seems to have been done recently and behind my back. A month ago, it wouldn't have surprised me for a second, but now...
W's first response to my question about paperwork: "Well, you wanted me to make a decision" and then she started in on blaming me. I told her she knew that was completely untrue and I would not take the blame for anything she decided. She was free to make her choices, but she must accept responsibility for those choices.
Shortly thereafter, she says it's a mistake by the court or attorney, as she has not done anything since June. So I say "Which is it? You're making a decision or it's a mistake by the court?" She goes with the latter, but says she completed everything in June when she was feeling pressure from me about making a decision, but hadn't pulled the switch yet. And then she apologized for me getting surprised by it all.
There were a number of times she mentioned feeling guilty for keeping me in the relationship, and that she wasn't able to give me everything I wanted right now. She also said that she didn't think that D would change the fact that I wanted our repair our R. I explained to her that it was a healing process, that it would take significant time, and there was no need to rush from my perspective. I agreed that I didn't think what I wanted would change with D, but I also thought that the D process would be difficult on everyone in the family and seemed like an unnecessary step at this time if reconciliation was still an option.
At the end, I told her if the notice was left in play, I would eventually hire an attorney, and would do so by Nov.
The entire discussion was very calm and I think she felt freed by it all in a certain way. I honestly believe she's going to leave it scheduled until she truly decides how to proceed, and if she doesn't eventually decide, then we'll probably start the process in Jan. All in all, it doesn't really change anything for me...I'm trying to focus on making each day as good as it can be, regardless of what's going on, and that is working pretty well.
Breakdown, I'm truly floored by how well you handled this turn of events... I only hope to get to that place someday, to be so zen and calm about big things... right now I can't even sit through a soccer game when my H is dismissive...
January is still a very long ways off. I hope she changes her mind, but this just shows she's still got some ambivalence, which is unfortunate. Hang in there.
Me43, H43 M 11, T 14 S10, S8 OA (me) 4-6/12 S 6/12 - 9/12 Piecing 1/13
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
