Well - nobody really expects that you could continue the same lifestyle after a divorce, unless there are a ton of assets to split.
ARE there assets? Or just debts? Is there any equity in your home? Are you in a community property state? Do you have a job outside the home? Do you have work skills? Does your H have a pension? Do either of you have IRAs or 401ks?
Yes, he very well may be pushing you to earn more so that he won't owe as much alimony - that's def what my H did.
Have you considered using some of this time to get trained in a skill you could use to make more money? If you like tools, have you considered getting trained in a trade, like tile-setting or such? I used to have a room mate in college who made good money putting up wallpaper.
We have a home,still paying on it, but living in Michigan the market is poor if we were to sell.It's not a big or fancy home. I am thinking about something to do. i do have a legal assistant degree but haven't worked in the field for over 21 years. I have checked into it and there's been a lot of changes. I think I just want to work without deadlines and homework.
The H has a good job. But always worried about being laid off. economy not so hot.
WAS. Seem to all believe that post d they should improve their lifestyle. Lol
I am a total believer in finding off the books work via craigs list. Doing it on your own time and making your own hours. No benefits but maybe stay on your h.
Also I know friends that rent out extra bedroom. It has really helped pay their bills and some trade rent for babysitting services.
I have also found that now I am able to deal with my office job a lot better then I used to. Through this program and alanon I am just able to focus on myself more. Do the best job I can and not take criticism as a personal judgement on. It is actually a big relief.
I appreciate my job more. I am not changing the world or helping anything or using my mind but I make decent money and don't have to work too much so I have time with my kids. I now focus on the good parts of my gig not the sucky parts.
Hang in there
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Dear dbrs My h wanted to ml last night but I just couldn't. I asked him if he had something to tell me. He said no. I asked him if he is calling ow or anything. Wanted to know why I was saying that and I told him it was the way he was asking. I didn't go into specifics but I told him he was acting weird. Anyway he got mad and said "here we go again" I checked this am and he has been calling ow. I am shaking as I am writing because he is a liar. What should I do? I was going to try and hang on for a while longer to get my son out of high school in Dec I hope. But I don't know how to handle Ml. I can't stand this. Still won't go to counselor etc.
Rachael, I'm very sorry that he has lied to you, but mlcers are great liars and do not think that they will ever get caught. You've called him on his behavior and lying, so you need to step back and focus on you and your son. He's not going to change, if anything, the more you point out the communicating w/ow, the more he will do it, i.e., just like a spoiled brat.
I would be very hesitant to ml w/him at this time. Have you been checked for STDs? You don't know if he's having an EA or a PA w/this ow and I would hate to see you get something that keeps on giving over the years.
BTW, he's not going to go to a counselor because he doesn't think there is a problem w/him. So, you need to put that request on the shelf for now. If you are still seeing someone, continue to go because you need to get your feelings and thoughts out on the table w/someone.
Try to remember this: "The more you push, the harder he is going to pull away and go in the opposite direction".
The most important thing is to take care of yourself and be there for your son. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can say or do to change the path your h is on. Now about hanging in there for your son. This is something that you will need to figure out. But, please don't do anything when you are upset or angry. You need to be in a calm place to think about what you want to do. If you aren't sure, then do nothing at this time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dear snodderly, Had a talk with my priest this morning. He feels that I need to confront the H with what I know. I am an emotional wreck. This for me is crossing the boundary because I told him no contact and he agreed. I don't know if I can hang on living like this much longer. I don't want to ml now and that is the reason. Breach of trust. My girls could handle this. Even though S has a sometimes stormy relationship with dad don't know how it would be for him.
Snodderly, That is great advice and something I needed to hear as well. Rachael, as hard as it will be, trust me I know, can you stop snooping? You know what he is doing at this point and snooping is only going to raise your aniexty level.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
