I was reading some of your older posts for some inspiration & came accross this little gem. It is beautifully written & really got to me, I feel like I've been on this run as well.
After I got the bomb I stopped taking my ipod for a run & started having my own internal dialogue, whilst being in tune with the landscape and life around me, greeting the people I passed on my run.
Thank you for this...it comes pretty close to articulating that union of your body, mind and soul when a run can channel all that emotion, energy and passion in harmony with a steady pace that beats like a drum.
Quote:
Today I ran. A slow burn. Pace so slow. Distance far. My body struggled with me the whole first 20 minutes to quicken the pace. To speed it up and get it done as quick as possible. But today’s goal was not to burn quickly. But to remain constant. Savouring the moment as I savour a beautiful glass of Malbec on a cold winter night. Fighting every fibre in my body I forced myself to remain calm. To move at a steady slow pace. Forever keeping the feet at a slow determined yet fluid motion. I savoured the moment. The weather. Cool , grey skies, wind from the north. All gifts to keep me cool and the silence was a gift. The woods. They were still masked in the dusk of winter. But everywhere you could hear the sounds of birds. Building their nests.
Preparing for dawn.
I kept the pace. At the 25th minute the calm overtook me. I accepted where I was, how far I had came, and where I was going. New dreams , new hopes. The truth of the moment appeared before me. I thought of previous blizzards. When the white snow is falling hard and the wind whips all before it. Those moments when time stops. When you can actually experience a moment in time. As it all pauses. The silence, the beauty of the moment. Only can this be experienced at night. Driving in the car. A moment when one is alone. And you witness everything stop. Then you drive through the moment. Awaiting another one. A moment of truth.
And I continued to run. Pace so slow. Distance far. But my energy was boundless. I knew at that moment that this would be one of the most beautiful runs I have experienced. I thought of myself. I thought of all these lies that tried to destroy me. I thought of truth. Not truth of the story. Not truth to cut through the lies.
But the truth.
My truth.
And I ran.
35 minutes now. The river was now to my right. The current full of the winter thaw. Ran fast in the opposite direction. Yet here I was safe upon the land. In a trail that kept danger at bay. My pace slow and steady. One foot landing in front of the other. The muted thump after thump after thump. No shortness of breath. No pounding heart. All in sync. All as one. A pure moment of truth. My mind , body , spirit and soul were all as one. Peace. At the 45th minute I decided it was time to speak the truth. I am betrayed I am healing I am strong I am abound with inner strength I believe in myself I am a kind and caring person I am working every day at improving myself I am hopeful about my future I am in control of the present I am at peace with that I cannot control I am at peace with the past I am proud of my actions I am not afraid of my thoughts I am not afraid of my actions I am not afraid of speaking my thoughts I am not afraid of acting I speak the truth I speak openly when needed I listen when needed I listen because what is said to me is important I listen because I enjoy what you say to me I listen because I wish to learn I will have a full and happy life I have grace I have strength of character I smile with my eyes I have self worth I believe in myself I have endurance I have persistence I have a purpose I have strength I have determination I have courage I have clarity For I am truthful to myself I know now that I will fall in love again because I know I can love again I know now that I will love again because I can trust again I know now that I can trust again because I was granted the gift of unconditional love.
And I kept running out of the woods and back into the town. I ran through downtown. People were out walking their dogs. Some were families. Some were alone. But neither made me happy. Neither made me sad. For there was a truth to this moment. Each one was enjoying the moment. And that was what mattered. My perception was truthful. For this was the only meaning of the moment. I was alone. I was happy. I kept my pace. You all were in my thoughts. So I smiled. And kept the pace. Slow. But my energy was boundless. So I kept running.
At the 80th minute I finally saw another runner going in the opposite direction. The first one today. And as we ran past each other we looked at each others eyes. And we smiled and shared the moment. One runner to another. Both running a slow pace. Both enjoying the moment and the feeling of our bodies complete in tune with the goal.
A dream run. I had it today. For when I finished and started my stretching I knew something magical had occurred. I kept a pace. I accepted that it was the distance that mattered today. Not the finishing time.
I was finished.
Fully and completely.
My life is now.
It's nearly 1am where I am and I feel like going for a run right now But I'll save it for the morning
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
Just had a look at what races I can enter & there's a 5K Santa dash in December that I've done before, but the real goal would be to do a half marathon next March.
I'm currently doing 7 miles once a week with a couple of 5K's and a long bike ride here and there & I've done 10 miles a few years ago, so if I build up slowly there's no reason I couldn't do 13 miles by next March.
What's the race you are doing this weekend?
Good luck for the race, I'm sure you'll do good & I look forward to seeing your medal
There's nothing like a nice pint straight after a long run, when I did that 10 mile run with one of my friends we had a pint straight after it (so deserved & enjoyed).
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
Wow 15K followed by a hottub & pints - sounds amazing!!
Yeah I think that's a great idea about doing the Santa Dash with my kids - they'd like that
It's funny that you should mention family bonding, today I went to see my Mum and explained to her what the situation is at home & my plans to see a solicitor on Wednesday next week.
She was shocked and just said that she was making a huge mistake ( expected it's my Mum ) and just said to not let her walk all over me anymore. She said if I ever needed to move back home even to save a bit money to get back on my feet, that I was more than welcome.
I needed that, what my Mum said doesn't change anything for how I am dealing with what's going on & isn't going to influence any of my decisions, it was just nice to get the support from her.
On a slightly more depressing note, my cousin is getting Married next month & although we are not as close as we used to be as kids, he has only invited me in the evening.
He went to my wedding with his then GF & I went to his stag party a couple of months ago. We used to see each other every weekend & family holiday as kids!!
Just think it is a real slap in the face, but it's his loss and it saves me the £$ that would have gone in his wedding card.
On a more positive note, I'm going to enter that half marathon, it will be a great source of motivation with my fitness & PMA & will be a great day out for my kids & parents.
Thanks Chatter
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
its a good example for men here to go read. to see what they are up against and she is actually home and hopefully starting to see the light... Think of full on enabled and active...
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
But I'll save it for the morning 
