So sad I can berely stand it today. cryin as Im writing. I have a appt with my counselor thur. Maybe I need to talk to my priest. Can't talk to my so called best friend. She doesn't encourage me. Back when I was just having problems with H she said I should leave him while her H aint any better. He may not have had an affair but he got caught soliciting someone when he was drunk. that guy is my h's childhood friend. One of the guys he goes to the bar with. The other guy is divorced. Believe it or not I like these guys but they are not perfect.
We have weddings to go to and things with the family and I don't know how I am going to do it. Maybe it's cuz i feel so bad today. Need help
Husband was so nice to me this morning. So not like him. Just like before when the guilt was probably eating at him. I pray that if he tries to see the ow he will get sick and so will she so they can't be together. I wish they got nauseuos every time they thought about each other.
Rachael - let's step back a little bit and figure out, what is your GOAL and what is your PLAN?
Standing can be a very useful technique, especially if you are using the time to show your H a new, improved you, or if you truly believe this is just a temporary MLC aberration that you have to ride out.
BUT - just being a doormat while your H goes back to having an affair because he thinks he can get away with it, or not having any healthy boundaries around his drinking problem, may not be at all the right approach.
Sometimes the MCLer cannot pull it together until they actually have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
One approach would be to just be honest with him - "H, I am feeling very uncomfortable right now, because I believe you are back in your affair and that this trip you are planning is actually a trip away with OW".
Don't know if I should confront him right now. When I caught him looking her street up on google earth, he was extemely angry and still tried to lie to me that he didn't know exactly where she lived. Just don't think i'm going to get the truth out of him. I did read Hearts Blessing posts about this and the advice was to wait and you'll know the right time. Also, I have read on here that if you're not sure to do nothing. I'm not sure what would be best right now.
Well - another consideration if you are not SURE what's going on, is to find out the truth. Snooping can be a negative thing if it gets you all worked up. On the other hand, if you really just need to know the truth so that you can plan your life accordingly (i.e., if him resuming the affair and lying to you about it is a deal-breaker for you that would make you want to separate or confront him or do something differently than you are now) then gathering evidence so he can't gaslight you may be in order.
Standing is NOT the same thing as being a co-dependent doormat.
Well, that is what I'm thinking. I read on here not to snoop but I have. I told him I won't share him with someone else. What is standing? Is that setting a boundary?
I don't know how I am going to find out info because he is very careful to hide things. I am locked out of his computer acct. and the phone acct. However, I have checked email which I access through my computer cuz he didn't change that password. and his actual phone. I know he gets around this by skyping. The only thing I can think of is to put a voice activated recorder in his car. But where to put it? Plus, I still have to see a lawyer.
