bein me I can't imagine how hard it was for you to ask him to leave. But I do have a feeling that I would be relieved if he was gone. I cannot trust him. You dealt with 7 years of an ea or just bad behavior?
Sorry meant that I cannot trust my H and I think I might be relieved if mine was out. I feel a little more calm now. I'm going to give him that distance and wait. See what happens. Perhaps his guilt will work on him. Still goes to church with me every sunday. I guess I'll have to do a good acting job and be cheerful when I do not feel like it at all.
I was back reading MLC posts from something cadet sent. Very helpful. Again, the advice is to detach. I believe thats my problem right now. I am letting fear rule me. If my husband did leave it would devastated my s18. He has issues with his dad as it is and this might make him go over the edge. My h seems to be wrapped up in OW. I seem to be too concerned with what H is doing.
Yesterday H left the house on foot for about 10 min or so just before my dad was to come over for dinner. It's the behavior he had when he was texting OW. I made a comment about where he was and he got mad. Then a few min later I saw him on his phone outside by our window so I was able to see him texting on skype. He told me a few months ago that he only tryed it because our computer was out for a few days, but he wasn't using it. Lies.
My H comes home late many nights. I am always there. Doing a 180 would be to not be there. Any suggestions where to go? Don't have many friends now. The ones I do have are tired and want to go to bed early. They work.
Some out of the house activities: -Is there an "artsy" part of town, they usually have later night things going. -Last showing of movies (after 9 o'clock), especially the discount theaters. -24 hour gym? -Sometimes I would just go to a nice spot by the river or up on a bluff and park, think, read, meditate, etc. -A library, if the hours are late enough, especially if you have a college campus in town. A great way to expand your knowledge and mind. -Heck, I spent a lot of time in another room (door shut) reading (and I read a ton of books over the fall/winter spring). I wouldn't leave the room, W would have to come to me if there was something she wanted or whatever.
I would make sure to have no dinner or anything waiting for him, let him figure it out.
I know the OP thing is a bear to let go of, but if you stay out of the way and "let" H run with it, it will hasten the resolution of the sitch, one way or another. I stayed out of the way, and W's 4 OMs (over the whole 3-4 year course of this) all ended up showing their true colors and "disappointing" W much faster than if I were hampering her activities. The more I would interfere (in the beginning), the more attractive the OM and more exciting it was for her to do what she was doing...pushing them closer, and I made myself the "evil parent" getting in the way of her "happiness" (teenager thinking). Staying out of the way made the process faster...and I have W's broken computer keyboards to prove it! lol...
Its kinda like raising kids...sometimes you just have to let them eat all their halloween candy at once that night, so they make themselves sick, but by their own doing...Then they learn the hard way the reality we parents were trying to keep them from, and we parents are not the bad guy, since the did it all by their own choice...That make sense?
Deep breathes, read up on detachment and practice it. And pray for H, and your family, and yourself.
Hang in there!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Had such a hard time today crying on and off. My h wants to go out of town to supposedly visit his cousin. I think he wants to go away with OW. Thanks for your advice T. How the hell did you handle 4 oms without being a mental wreck? Is she recommitted to your marriage? Part of me wants him the hell away! This deceit eats at me. I pray all the time.
I need to talk to someone. Here is a good place. Told a girlfriend about my husband just leaving and not telling me where he went as I mentioned above and she thinks I should separate. Not gonna talk to her about it anymore. Her husband is an alcholic an a big flirt. Her marriage isn't that hot but she sort of says at least her h tries (b.s.!) My priest told me to only talk to him or my counselor. I have been hurtin lately and unfortunately I did tell my one daughter that H saw ow at work. She doesn't get too emotional and I did belly ache to kids and h's sister about how he's been such a nasty to me. I know I shouldn't. I am trying to keep my mouth shut now. Just hurts.
On the one hand I am scared of losing him and on the other I feel depressed having him around. Sometimes I feel strong like I can detach and other times like a pathetic weakling
H doesn't know I suspect anything. He came home this evening a little earlier than I suspected and put his shoes on went out the back door and disappeared. Same thing he did when seeing OW last time. I am not saying a thing. Just gonna be busy. I hate this!
It takes time, Rachael ... lots of time if you're going to stand for your M. Sometimes that time is lost, and you will still have to ask him to leave, and get a divorce. Weniki is one who can tell you about that. I stood for 7 years, and have just asked my H to leave. I wasn't angry, just finished. Maybe when you get to that point, it'll be easier. Or, perhaps he'll come back to the marriage such as WCW's husband. She also waited for years and years. You just don't know. Gotta go by your gut. In the meantime, try and detach ... I know how hard that is. I would succeed for a few months, and then a day would come when I would just cry for the pain of wanting him, mostly during the cancer. Not doing that anymore.
I also used to sit in my car somewhere and just pray. I like the ideas given above by TS2 for GAL.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks being there it's good to have a place to get help like here. Appreciate everyones help very much. My emotions are getting the best of me today. I have a little part time job and I take care of a lady with alzheimers. I took care of her before I took care of my mom. This lady is gettin irritated at me these days (i know she can't help it). Just adds to my depression sometimes. Maybe I need to find other work for now.
