Can Turtles climb?

[zig]

you looked outside?!? no way! that is the funniest thing ever... i hope brit stops by soon to read that.


hahahahaha

ok so what i didn't write was that along with us eating cake and searching for the toilet brush, i must admit that the picture of brit finding it and chasing us with it while we giggled and screamed did come to mind. so i really started laughing hard all over again when you mentioned brit!!

okay - you know how there's often a story behind things? there's one here too and before i tell it, what i will mention is that while i was looking for it, i did find a pair of s's underwear out in the backyard so the search was not entirely fruitless!!

you must thing i'm bonkers, but i promise there's an explanation for everything

okay the story - about a year and a half ago we had one of our great big parties here, and there were about 15 kids running amok in the basement while all the parents were upstairs chillin'!!

the next morning i go downstairs and the main big play room is of course a disaster, which is no big deal, but plumb smack in the middle of it is laying the toilet plunger!!

i call s and he proceeds to tell me that at some point one of his friends found the plunger that was actually sitting behind the washer, and started chasing them and threatening to touch them with it! it had been thrown all around the room and incidentally wrapped up at some point in my yoga mat - needless to say that kid does not come around no more (well, not really he actually moved, but i was damned relieved!!)

I was plumb horrified!! I suppose i should say that in those days i was still in the throes of severe OCD and anything to do with the inside of a toilet touching anything outside of it was way beyond what i could tolerate. i proceeded to scrub the entire floor with chlorine and washed my yoga mat 3 times!!

now s has another couple of friends who once in a while just do something totally off the wall! usually it involves sudden urges to use an axe or other dangerous tool, or deliberate attempts to jump out of trees and break their necks. and frankly i do NOT put it past this one certain kid to impulsively pick up the toilet brush and take it outside and chase the others around in memory of the plunger incident!!

and to explain the underwear . believe me when i saw it laying there, my first thought was toilet brush, underwear what the hell is going on here?

i brought the underwear in and walked upto s and said - I didn't find the toilet brush but i did find this and he started to laugh hysterically . apparently when 2 of his friends were over the other day, one of them had put the underwear on his head like a hat (yes, i believe it's some thing considered incredibly funny by 11 yr old boys), and the other two were trying to get a pic of him and he ran out in the yard and tossed it

okay so where am i when all this happens? - around. i do leave them to their antics now - but check on them every once in a while.

you know what i thought a while ago - that i am SOOOO lucky to be here with my wonderful friends - there is yet so much joy here in spite of the sadness and grief and pain - and I LOVE that i get to share that with all of you

((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))
zig

[vera be fierce]

Dearest z,

First off, I don't have your toilet brush

second, I'm wondering about your discussion w your friend about ow. Are you in a place where you are not really affected by that info or would you be better off not discussing that and telling your friend that you're not interested in hearing about her? What was the purpose of your info gathering? Are you going to keep having reconnaissance convos or can you just let it go and keep the focus where it should be - on you, and you and S? Just some thoughts that popped up when I read that post

[Brit45]

the details are starting to feel less and less relevant...

ooh I remember this place.

[Brit45]

okay I've caught up.

first.....there is something in the stars affecting us Sag's right now because I am losing everything in the world.I put down something and two seconds later can't find it. I couldn't see something right in front of me once. LAtely I have been taking ages leaving because I can't find stuff. But seriously outside? in the dark? finding underwear? Who knew your new life would be so FUNNY!!!!!

second....OW convo. Remember I saw that pic of STBXH and GF at at the wedding. He was standing off by himself pouting and looking uncomfortable in a social setting. I was cracking up. Because in my head he was off living a romantic comedy in the English countryside, but that picture told a different story. My DB coach said two things a) never ever make reference to him not being happy in his new relationship and b) he will never start to like social occasions I would have to learn to manage that.

So anyway all I'm saying is it doesn't matter what we hear or what it looks like to us it's what they choose. Just like with your mum in law if I were you (and I'm not so disregard if you want) I wouldn't want anyone telling me anything about the new relationship, how they interact, what was said about me, etc. it's all second hand information through the lens of someone with an agenda. Everyone has an agenda whether they admit it or not. If OW had a friend present she might tell the story of events differently. So yes don't let it change your actions and how you're living your life.

I love you sweet girl!

[labug]

I like Vera's question.

[zig]

thanks vera, Brit and labug - i know you have my back here and are looking out for me. thank you

I have just realized and finally know that I have my back too.

I know that sounds a bit strange - but this morning has been emotionally quite "eventful" for me.

I'm not going to defend myself here - you are all correct -why am I still gathering info from second hand sources - that's basically snooping and trying to have some kind of "control" over the sitch - just by "knowing" stuff.

I accept that I have been doing that, and after this last release that was pretty eye-opening to me, I find that I am really ready to let it go.

What maybe didn't get through in that post was that - in spite of knowing something like that - it didn't give me any particular hope - it actually gave me info that helped me to really see who h was and what he was about and to accept that part of him. To understand that what i was asking for in hoping for a reconciliation with him, there was this part of his personality that would always always be there, and was I willing to accept that in the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life or not?

Last night I caught up with SS's thread - of course stunned at the turn of events - but her list - WOW - and all I could think was how much I had short-changed myself, and how much h had too. I didn't even know that those were the kinds of things one could expect from the person one chose to be with.

SS if you are reading this - I just want you to know that just reading your list transformed so many things for me, and gave me the first glimpse that I could possibly have the same one day. I really do wish you lots of love, grace and happiness as you make your decisions in the following months.


The insight I received into who and what I am and how I have been functioning was huge this morning and shocking, and I think I got down to a really really deep place where I just saw how I give up my own essence in the name of giving to others and what a wrong way to live.

I am ready after this to write an email to mil and to both my friends asking for their help. I am going to tell them that I know it is not good for me to know what is going on in h's life and with ow, but that I am not sure if I am strong enough not to ask or listen when they offer to tell me. So please if the conversation starts to go that way, would they help me by pointing it out and help me turn it to a more positive direction that is healthy for me. I know it's a bit weak on my part to elicit their help so that I can stay on course - and I will work through that also so that I can be strong enough to do it on my own.

I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone this morning - and the revelations that came up I think will be life changing for me. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that in the next 3 hrs I would view myself as a completely different person to the one that I had been before.

Thanks my sweet wonderful friends - once again

I hope we all have a beautiful Sunday

love, zig

[Brit45]

Oh my life that whole first paragraph was exactly what I felt about seeing that picture of him. That somehow he'd changed and seeing that photo confirmed he hadn't. Good for you in recognising it!

I don't think it's weak at all look at it this way of you were an alcoholic or in my case have food issues would it be do bad to ask your friends not to offer you alcohol or take you bars or pubs? No not at all. You/we are in recovery from broken relationships and we do need help in that. A friend of mine used to like to just "bitch" about STBXH and I just had to stop that she didn't have any info but I felt us talking about him wasn't helpful to me.

You deserve every wonderful thing in the world and someone who appreciates the amazing Zig we've come to know and love

[zig]

Thanks Brit. I'm glad I recognized that also. It was a quiet recognition - and also a sort of quiet humble acknowledgement that I don't really truly KNOW h as a person - he has kept himself so hidden from me all these years. as i did from him..

on some deep level we didn't trust each other to show our true selves. we weren't vulnerable with each other

and yes - i do see it the same way - that I need help, and i'm going to ask for it. we talk so much about the "addiction; behaviors that the WAS are displaying - but we have so many ourselves that develop in this sitch.

I've also been feeling more and more strongly that i need to take some time off the bb - I come here too frequently and spend too much time reading, not to mention posting.
over these months though, i have noticed that it has helped me stay more centered, but i'm in a different place now and I guess I want to find out if i can be centered and focused without so much support.

I'm thinking though that a transition maybe what's more appropriate for me - where I don't post so much myself, but still continue to post to others and keep the goals thread going and see where that takes me.

I'm so lucky to have found this bb and all of you here. It's time to step out of myself and give more than what I am taking all the time

I really have grown to love all the amazing people here

{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}
zig

[2chiquitos]

zig, I focused so much on the toilet brush that I looked past the info your friend gave you.

I too had to have a talk with family and friends about giving me 2nd hand info. I made it very clear that it served no purpose in helping me take care of myself so that I can take care of my kids. Why did I need to know that he was spending the night at OWs place or that he was taking our kids over there? Seriously! This was Hs n my business not everyone else's.

Take care of Zig and everything else will fall into place.
HEY! Didn't you just write that to me! LOL!
hugs!!!

[StubbornDyke]

...clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.....

That must be us. And we've got the toilet brush!