I am absolutely steaming! My husband told my daughter he was going out to get gas. half hour later I call him and ask what he is doing. He is at the bar getting a drink with a friend. Says he needed a drink. Then tells me to meet him at the bar and that another couple is there that we are supposed to go to dinner with. I am sick of his running away not telling me and then expecting me to be at his beck and call. Asks me not to be mad. I AM. Didn't tell me where he was going. I had to call him after he doesn't show up. Now I am not answering him. I am so sick of being treated like a damn nobody!
Rachael, You are the only one that can change the dynamics...if you don't want to be at his beck and call, then don't. If you don't feel like going to the bar, then don't, just meet them at the place you are suppose to be going to for dinner.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Alcoholism is not what you think its about. Its not just when a person wakes up naked in the gutter, it is MUCH MORE nuanced.
Keeping your side of the street means, you can only control yourself. Don't worry about cleaning up the block just mow your lawn and pick up your garbage. You can't control how your neighbors or H take care of themselves you can only control yourself.
Sometimes if we keep our side of the block clean, it will inspire others to clean their side.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I did not go to the bar. I did go to dinner later. I spoke to my Db coach. who told me the same thing. In this marriage I realize there is a pattern of some passive aggressive behavior with him and he is controlling and sometimes I wonder if he is jealous of me. Very competative. The Db coach said the same that I can't control him. But when these behaviors occur state my boundary and leave or go into another room. Or in this case not go to the bar.
My counselor said to ask my husband what working on the marriage means since he says he wants to do so. He says he doesn't know but talking every night is doing that. I told him I appreciate that but I'm doing all the work. He said to be patient I said patient for what? For you decide if we have a future? I just have a roommate. He says everything is making him depressed including me and the kids. Feels he has to get away. That's all he does is get away. I told him he can't run away from himself. He is so afraid of getting old without doing all these goals. I told him if he wants to work on this marriage then for Gods sake do somthing! If he cared for me why can't he be affectionate or go see my counselor? I went to bed early and he then he came in and was affectionate and wanted to Ml which is one thing I asked for. This morning he was affectionate and kissed me goodbye then he was gone most of the day having breakfast with a buddy and then to the boat for hours. Came home took a shower and took off without saying a word except that my daughter heard him say he had to get gas. And we were supposed to go out.Which what I wrote about above.
He told me that he wants to go to his married cousins place for a weekend to california by himself. Seems to think that will help. I told him to go ahead but I doubt it will help.
Ignore, but take note. Keep a journal, although here is as good as one. Give him his space, and see what happens. Maybe there might be improvement ... maybe not. My H is also passive-aggressive, not clearly stating his goals, etc. But, I've had enough and asked him to leave. The world fell off my shoulders. Still struggling, but I think it's the best thing I did in the 7 years we have been in this freak show.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
thanks all I could hardly eat dinner I was so upset and I had my dad over. M h was talkinng to everyone like it's a normal day. I am sick at heart. This man I married, to lie to my face and tell me I am doing everything right in this marriage. So Sad. I feel like running away.
