IH Separation-continuing to grow as we grow apart

[breakdownbill]

Bill crumbs are crumbs... Just remember actions speak louder than words. You will know when it is real.

ANd that is when she stops the dancing. And actively attempts to mend the marriage.

Anything less falls short of the goal.

I couldn't agree more with all of the above.

Bill

[breakdownbill]

Hi Bond

My boundaries were broken months ago, but at the time I was to weak to enforce them.

My W knows how I feel about her continuing to gave contact with the OM and right now I need to focus on my teacher training and getting a job.

Until I've acheived these 2 goals I don't feel like I could back up any ultimatum.

If it didn't go my way, I can't afford to file let alone the legal costs.

It's the only thing stopping me now from doing this.

Maybe you're right, the longer it goes on the worse it gets, but I do need to make sure my M issues don't get in the way of my teacher training - this is my future, no matter what happens.

Bill

[MrBond]

The OM and the job search are two different things. While having a job is great, it won't woo your W back to your bed. Being decisive and knowing what you want is what is attractive. What does your W still say about the OM?

[breakdownbill]

I get where you are coming from the 2 things being separate things. I'm talking about, where I would like to be giving that ultimatum, not because I think it will make me a better option, but more so I can back up my ultimatum and be independent if she chooses not to work on our M, I have the means to file and begin a new life single.

My W, will not discuss anything about the OM, so I don't know what is going on still.

You see my biggest worry is giving her an ultimatum and Not having the financial means to back it up, if it doesn't go my way.

But I agree continuing on this cycle is not good for either of us and waiting another 10 months to a year is probably not realistic, before we have this out.

[MrBond]

"My W, will not discuss anything about the OM, so I don't know what is going on still."

You should find out.

"You see my biggest worry is giving her an ultimatum and Not having the financial means to back it up, if it doesn't go my way."

You should already be thinking about this.

Has she had any physical contact with you at all?

[breakdownbill]

I agree that I should find out what's going on, what's happening with the OM.

You see the money side of things is already tied up. I'm in my final year before I qualify as a teacher, I can't afford to live anywhere else while I'm doing the course and I can't afford a divorce.

We haven't had any physical contact in 2 months, I stopped initiating anything because I wanted to stay detached and not get dragged back into limbo.

My W has not initiated anything either.

What's your thinking on this?

[chatterbug]

Don't sleep with a woman who sleeps with other men.... Serious Bill you know this already. It is bad for the health.

And as you said , you are working on your PMA and schooling.


Why are you second guessing your plan now ?

What has changed?

[breakdownbill]

Don't sleep with a woman who sleeps with other men.... Serious Bill you know this already. It is bad for the health.

And as you said , you are working on your PMA and schooling.


Why are you second guessing your plan now ?

What has changed?

I think I just got caught up in a moment thinking about my sitch differently and started to doubt my plan.

I'm sticking to it, because it is working for me.

Thanks Cutter I'm ok.

[MrBond]

So what do you consider yourself? I just don't agree with a man sacrificing his own self worth while his W is going out with another man.

[breakdownbill]

Hi Mr Bond - just seen your post.

I know how I am dealing with my sitch is not the way you would handle it, but I've got to be realistic and be consistent with what works for me.

My W and I are not together and because of her continuing contact with the OM (in whatever form), we can't be together, hence the decision to not have any physical contact.

I know that I have a particulary hard year coming up with my teacher training & I have to be realistic about what I'm able to cope with right now.

If I'm honest I don't know if the goal is to get back together with my W anymore, so much would need to change and the trust and respect issues alone, would require full commitment from both of us to overcome.

Once I have finished my course & have my 1st teaching job, I will be secure and independent, then I will play my hand, right now I don't have the means to back it up.

In the meantime things may change, but my focus will be on me and my kids - I'm not pursuing my W in any way whilst she carries on dancing with him.

I don't like it, but then I don't have to like it, I'm putting up with it to secure my end goal which probably won't end up in R with my W.

Getting into this with my W right now, won't acheive anything positive for me or my kids, right or wrong I'm going to wait.

Bill