Oh yeah and there was my email to the MC about the lack of affection to which she told me to open a dialogs with W about why the affection is not there and what to do about it.
I kinda have to have that conversation otherwise when it comes up at the next session it could pose bigger issues than bringing it up now. Trouble is I feel like it goes against DBing and acting as if... I really want to have the conversation though. I feel like it might show W I am not afraid to bring subjects which might hurt up to her.
Thoughts??
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Today went well. Got to do a 30 min meditation. Sit by the lake, work went well and W was kind enough to thro an ILY into the mix. She seemed very happy today and me not being up her butt all day long I think is giving her some much needed relief.
Tonight I am making been tacos for dinner and then we are going to watch our favorite show.
We saw Hope Springs last night and there is a quote I would like to share but for the life of me I cannot find it online. It refers to the ability we have to make something beautiful and beyond amazing out of what seems to be nothing. All it takes I some hope, hard work and patience.
When I heard this narration durin the movie I almost got choked up because throughout the whole movie we could see parallels to our sitch. I think it was a great experience for us and it was HER idea.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
One more thing... I cannot wait to put my story on the "Another divorce busted " thread... I will be the best man I can be!
No way! Congrats. Stay busy and working on yourself as you spend these little nuggets of time with your wife. Try to stay focused on goals outside of her.
I am not saying it IS going to happen I am just saying that as I work on myself more and more every day I can SEE the results and feel more optimistic about the sitch.
I have major things going for me,
1 W is making plans with me in the future. 2. W is going to MC with me. 3. W is still happy in the house with me. 4. W is still wearing her rings. 5. W has been honest with me from the start of this sitch.
With all of those things going for me I MUST and will take full advantage of those posative aspects. I am looking better, feeling better and doing things for me which are better..
I feel confident I can be a better person than when she fell in love with me.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Wome up and out some sore muscle balm on W's back. Still no signs of affection and now she doesn't get dressed in front of me either.
I have thought about it a little and I can only really conclude that she just doesnt want any sexual tension right now or she is pullin back more... Hmmmmm...
Well time to work on me.. I hope today is a solid day!
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
MC told me to have an open conversation with W abOut the lack of affection and what the "safe" level is for me so that I don't feel that sexual ramp up.
I know I need to have the conversation. Any ideas on how to approach this??
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
My brain is so fickle. I see so many positives in my sitch and do so well with not showing W my pain and fear. then one small thing will happen and my brain goes on overdrive with fear and panicking.
WTH....
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
I think the reason I am in this panicky and fearful position is that having this conversation is really gOing to tell me the direction she is feeling like going in the relationship.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
You really have 2 choices then - to have the conversation or not. But remember, if you have the convo you have to be prepared for her honest (at the time) answers.
If you can't handle it, it might not be best to have the convo.
Of course, if you don't have the convo then remember it's you taking some control of the situation by deciding not to have it, but then you have to live with the consequences of not having it- like the lack of physical affection. You already expressed some small resentment.
Many, many here would tell you not to have the convo because it's too early, it's pursing, yada, yada, yada. I won't.
don't put some much stock and energy into one conversation.
Personally, I think she's telling you (maybe not with words) what the safe level is for her right now. But don't get stuck on the right now...that can improve my friend. You are in a much better situation right now that a lot of people.
If you do, remember to be calm, collect and honest. Don't react to negative information. It can be tough, but you can do it.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
