I Don't Like Mondays

[tested metal]

Thanks Forward!

I kind of feel the same way. I just didn't want to be held captive by XW's craziness affecting my life, but I suppose I will just have to use a new pardigm shift. I just don't like the thought of XW throwing sand in my sandbox, but now might not be the time to address the issue due to D2's needs.

[tested metal]

Well I got to see the great Bob Dylan on Sunday! I decided to go alone, get a hotel, and just treat myself to a 1 day vacation. It was a good time, but I think I had a little too much beer and was hungover for most of yeaterday! Of well, lessoned learned.

I have another "work vacation" (training) out of town that I am looking forward to at the end of the month.

D2 has been awesome as always and I got quite a few good pictures from our "family" pictures. Basically the pictures were just shots of me and D2 and then D2 and Ex. I guess we just bunched things togther not to waste photographer's time. Next year I think I will just go it alone.

Otherwise things have been good. I am keeping busy and working on me.

[WenikiTiki]

How was the great Bob Dylan? Did you sing along and live in the moment? I'm envious!

Just remember the photos will be important to your daughter when she is older! Us girls are sentimental creatures.

All this working on ourselves could very well lead to a better world, don't you think?

Aloha,
Wendy

[tested metal]

Last night I got a call from Ex crying. Apparently she was admiddited to the hospital with a twisted bowel and waited so long that they had to do emergency surgery. If should would have waited another day she'd be dead. Apparently she has a pretty bad infection in her kidneys also.

So I have D2 for a awhile, which I am happy to have the extra time, but not at the price of the unfortunate cause.

When Ex told me about the twisted bowel, I asked how do they think it happened. Apparently it was a complication from her gastric bypass 8 years ago! Ex and I always had our disagreements over whether the surgery is safe as the frequency of complications seem to be so high. She would always defend the surgery emphatically, even though we were talking about the surgery vs. the complications, not because SHE had the surgery. So when I heard this I said nothing more about it, except asking her to please take care. She abruptly said "I gotta go. I gotta go" and hung up.

Later on in the night her Mom calls asking if she could take D2 home for a couple of days if she can convince Ex to go home with her for a while. I have no idea what ex-MIL may be thinking as she is a professor; school starts tomorrow, and she said that she can't take time off at the beginning of school. She also reported that FIL is busy harvesting as he is a farmer.

So I told MIL I would have to think about it as I am fully capable of taking care of D2. I also don't want these 3 using D2 for their personal emotional needs and end up traumatizing her in the process. Maybe I am too sensitive in this area.

So tonight I am bringing D2 for a hospital visit, and told ex it was going to be short, as D2 always throws a fit whenever she gets transfered to me. D2 is also showing some signs of being worried about ex, which I am worried about.

I hate situations like this. I feel really bad for ex and want to be there for her, but am still treated like an unwanted dog so I stay away.

[job]

TM,
I'm sorry to hear about your xw...I've heard of this happening to a few other people and she's very lucky they did surgery on her. She doesn't know how lucky she is.

I, personally, don't think it is wise to have the little one go to your xw's mother's place. Right now, your little one needs to be w/you for stability and she does not need to be used as a "gofer" for when her mother comes home. Besides, school is starting and she needs to be able to go to school and not worry about her mother. I would suggest that your xw needs to recover completely before the little one stays w/her.

I would keep the visit very short this evening. Before visiting you may want to sit your little one down and explain just a little bit of what she might see there, like the IV lines, etc., so it doesn't scare her. After you return home, reassure her.

I understand the feeling of being "unwanted", but this time, you will need to take the little one for short visits w/her mother.

Hang in there!

[BeingMe]

Don't think of it as "throwing sand in your sandbox," but "throwing D2 into your sandbox."

I also don't think it's a good idea to send D2 to the in-laws. She needs her daddy right now.

[tested metal]

Update-

I took D2 to see Ex in hospital last night and D2 wanted nothing to do with her because she was hooked up to so many things. She looked hoorible. They cut her open and did not find a twisted bowel, but it was full of pus. They still have no idea what is going on. Ex was on heavy pain killers and it still didn't help much.

I decided to kill 2 birds with one stone and had D2 eat while we visited. She ate well. During the visit Ex got tons of phone calls from OM and I said nothing. Ex was very scared. Then she told me that Ex mil wanted her to moved back to our hometown 150 miles away and that MIL would buy her a house. Ex told me that she told MIL to basically shove off and let her live her life. (A very long time coming, for sure.) Ex told me that she would not put D2 through that. (I am still saving for a Lawyer just in case though). At least I know how much I can trust MIL now. It's like seeing the emperor and Darth Vader!

D2 cried all the way home after the visit and threw a raging fit until she knocked out for bedtime. Then she woke up an hour later and threw another fit until I put her in bed with me for the night.

The next thing you know I found I had a missed call from a number unrecognizable to me. I called the number back and got the voicemail of OM. I texted Ex to see if she was ok and notified her that OM called me. (I never gave him my number) Ex told me that OM showed up drunk at the hospital and snuck in a bottle of booze and was drinking in her bathroom, where she could not see it, because she was bedridden. She then told me she dumped him. She also appologized for giving him my number, but did it "in case of an emergency."

I told her I understood, but would prefer that in the future she give the hospital my info. I told her I don't need yet another headache of a guy stalking me as OM #2 already does and this other OM now has my number and know where I live!

I also told her about D2's fit and ex agreed to hold off on the visits.

Anyway, I will be taking care of D2 until Ex gets back on her feet again and will be enjoying my time with her. ILs can kiss my butt if they think they are going to take away my parenting time.

Well that is yesterday in a nutshell

[job]

TM,
From what you posted, your xw had surgery in the nick of time. She has an infection somewhere in her body and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if it's not near where she had the "band" procedure previously. Had she waited longer, she could have died. She's going to be in the hospital for a while and I would limit the visits for your little one.

She should never have given the om your phone number. That information should have been given to the hospital only. As for your xmil, another piece of work. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

I'm glad you are taking care of your little girl. I'm sure you'll have plenty of fun activities to keep her busy, as well as you enjoying time well spent w/her.

Hope your xw is better today.

[AJM]

So I told MIL I would have to think about it as I am fully capable of taking care of D2. I also don't want these 3 using D2 for their personal emotional needs and end up traumatizing her in the process. Maybe I am too sensitive in this area.

You are a wise wise man. Go with your instinct on this one. Seriously, I wish I had seen this paradigm earlier in the relationship, but I have seen it and what it does.

Hope she gets better, but glad for your D2's sake you're a wise man. She's a lucky little girl.

Be well,
AJ

[tested metal]

Ex got out of hospital today. Still in lots of pain and they don't know what is going on, but she is on painkillers and antibiotics and apparently is no longer a threat to die.

Ex asked if I and D2 would eat supper with her and MIL tonight so she could see her and I agreed to. We also talked about D2 having night terrors and Ex inquired why she would have them. I explained that it is quite common, and that combined with all the changes D2 has had lately it may be contributing. Ex asked what changes and I explained just changes we had made with her school, effects of switching between homes, etc. I explained it without malice just calmly. Ex pretty much got ticked off, told me to let her know if I wanted to come to dinner with them or D2 was coming alone and hung up on me. Big surprise. She's in complete denial or guilt of what this is doing to D2.

Hours later I inquired if she was discharged and what the plans were so I could be prepared. She told me her Grandma was in a coma and was going to die very soon. I knew she was ailing as I was told all last week of this. She was in her 90s. I again offered my condolences and Ex told me that she will be taking D2 home with her to the funeral for a couple of days and that she is home alone waiting for her Mom to call with details of the plans if it "met my approval".

I replied that she does not need my approval to spend time with her family and that D2 would be going with her as agreed previously. Ex then texted that her grandma died and that her mom would be giving me the info. She was still very callous.

It seems that once ex is out off danger she treats me like crap, but when she needs something I am the best guy ever. I am done with that cycle.

I guess the issue with D2 going to MIL is going to be a moot point now because ex will take her because of the funeral. That was agreed upon in the divorce and I would not stand against it anyway.

Ex's grandma was a nice lady and I think would cringe if she knew what ex has been doing. I see stormy clouds ahead as grandma was the closest to Ex and Ex revered her as a parent. She called her grandma but her own parents by their names! I don't know about you, but that kinda tells me something.

This next week I have a mandatory training for 2 days 270 miles away so the timing of this might work out and I can make the training now. I will spend that time off relaxing and treating mysel fto a nice meal on the government's tab!