Well I did file a statement opposing her motion with the court where I stated that what she said was false and requested a hearing on her motion. When we go before the judge I am going to request leniency for her because nobody benefits from her going to jail for six months or having to pay a $1000 fine. Instead I am going to ask the court to mandate that she seek IC so that she can work through the issues that she is not dealing with and that the court monitor it as a sort of modified form of probation.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
What are you talking about in terms of punishment for her? Neither of you has hard proof of what was said or not said. I don't see a court finding her guilty of perjury at this stage, especially family court where the judges are already jaded. Concentrate on not losing visitation and stop focusing on her. Totally protect yourself by getting everything in writing or by not having unwitnessed conversations about legal matters.
Yeah, I am clearly not thinking straight right now. Everything that has gone on the last few days has completely confused, hurt, and frazzled. I knew that things were not going to get better after just a few weeks, but somehow I had deluded myself into believing that at least they wouldn't get any worse.
What perhaps makes it even worse is that despite all the mess that she has put me through, I still hope that reconciliation is possible at some point. I'm not even sure why I feel this way. It would be so much easier to just quit. I could just go on and live my life without all of her drama. And yet I continue to feel like there is hope for things to get better. I can't tell you how many times I have been right on the edge of giving up only to have a little voice in the back of my head tell me that I should not give up.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Honestly I do not fear loss. Loss is a part of life. I accept that my marriage is over and even if my W and I do get back together things will never be the same. I accept that we may never get back together. And the woman that she is now is not someone that I can live with. If she were to come to me today and ask me to come back without dealing with the problems in her life I would not do it.
What I fear is my heart becoming hardened and being unable to forgive. What scares me is watching her choose to walk down a road that I have been down myself when I know that road does not lead anywhere good. What I am most afraid of is not losing her but knowing from experience that if she keeps going down that road that she will lose herself.
However, you are right on one thing. It would be harder for me to quit because quitting would require not caring. Quitting would mean that I give up the most important change I have been trying to make in my life since this all started. Quitting would mean that I return to being self-centered and focused only on how things and people benefit me rather than caring and be concerned for the people around me.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Well I spent all of last night and much of this morning dreading having to serve my response to my W petition yet once I served her with the papers somehow I felt much better about everything. I am not sure why that is.
It's closure. I'm happy for you. Now build yourself a good life and include someone who you know wouldn't do this to you.
The woman that I married and that I love would not do this to me. This is the hard part for me, knowing that she is heading down a path that I already walked, knowing from experience that it doesn't lead anywhere good, and having to accept that there is nothing I can do to spare her the heartache that I know is coming. All I can do is try and make the best of my life and KLA in my own heart.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Yesterday I had a quite enlightening talk with my W. She said to me that she knew that I hoped that she would change so that I could come home because she talks to the same people that I talk to (not sure who that would be since the only two people I have said that to are my bishop and my therapist and as far as I know she is not speaking to either of them). The she went into her usual comments about how she had changed and that did not include taking me back. But then she said something that she has never said before and that I wished I had caught and commented on at the time. She asked me "why would you want to come home anyway?" I missed that at the time because she jumped right in with asking me if I had even told my brother that we were getting divorced.
However, the more I think about it the more I am beginning to feel that statement actually has some significance in understanding where her mind is at right now. Before she was at the "I hate you" and "everything is your fault" stage that she is in now she told me that she felt that our marriage was not working because she had done things in her past that she had never told me about and that because of those things she did not feel worthy to be my wife. Now I could be reading too much into her statement (one of the drawbacks to have been a cop and having been trained as a lawyer is that you are always looking for clues to what people are thinking in what they say and do) but I have began to wonder if all the anger is just to cover for the fact that she still feels guilty for what happened and that she is trying to push me away because she doesn't feel like I could love her after that.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
