It has been a Cold Day in Hell. My ex messaged me that he would like me to phone him at home as he needed to talk to me. What? He sounded awful - stressed. Or drinking. Who knows? I was EXTREMELY stressed. Our communication has been very volatile in the past.
But I called. He was very upset about Ryan and wanted to know details about why he was in therapy and to let me know he didn't think the hospital was doing a good job with him.
I was able to tell him how inappropriate bringing a child in to see Ryan was. How it endangered both the child and Ryan. I explained MRSA in detail and immunocompromised systems. He said he had not known. I told him that I had asked him to call me so I could outline it and review the visitation policies but he had not phoned me so I had tried to explain it by text but that didn't make it very clear.
He repeated things back to me a couple of times. Even getting MRSA wrong (although I have spelled it out to him before). He wanted to know why I had not called to let him know Ryan was in hospital - I reminded him that he had been in Russia and that I did not have a contact number or any idea when he was returning. And he understood. I told him it would be easier to communicate by email. He did not volunteer his email address. So I let it go.
He asked me why he needed to be in hospital. I explained what we had been going through for months. He said he had no idea. I told him he had not had intense physio since he was in a coma. He said "You never told me he was in a coma". I said "You were there - 18 months ago". And he said "Oh yeah". Like he didn't even remember at first.
He asked if he could be in a different hospital. He totally doesn't get that he is in a therapy program that he is lucky to be in. I tried to tell him about that.
The good news is that I got my point across about limiting visitors/germs etc. He was not nasty. Nor was I. He wants to see him again next week. I will be SURE to have that allowable visitors list and ensure it will be enforced.
So - in a way it was good. But listening to him - I really am more convinced that he is really losing it or drinking. Sad but true.
Mish - It was the weirdest thing. I wanted so much to REAM him for his irresponsible behaviour last w/e, his not knowing his son's AGE and for belittling his son for not knowing about his brother's condition. Yet he calls ME to tell me he doesn't think the hospital is doing a good job. Typical.
He DID make a point of asking me if Brandon went in to visit his brother today. He did. But even if he didn't - could I have made him go?
He is definitely misplacing his guilt on others. But it was a good chance for me to tell him about how difficult managing Ryan has been. He does not seem to comprehend that Ryan can't walk. Never knew we used lifts at home or had done a huge reno to accommodate him. He is miffed that he isn't swimming every day. Ahem - due to the divorce - I moved OUT of the house that was built for Ryan's needs - the one with the indoor pool. The community pool won't allow him to swim when he has MRSA.
He didn't get it on so many levels. He even tried to tell me about his bout of Epstein Barr Syndrome as if he had never told me before - yet we had texted about it in Feb.
I've always felt that his mind was going and that he continued to drink but just listening to him made me more sure of it than ever.
Well, after more than 2 months in hospital - Ryan is coming home tomorrow. I am VERY happy about this. They first approached me about discharge more than 3 weeks ago. We needed a safe plan for his return home - no way we wanted to deal with more problems with skin breakdowns. So we have opted for the special mattress that will basically turn him throughout the night. The government program will rent it for the first month (trial period) then I will buy it - it will be nearly $10,000 with tax. YIKES!!!
Discharge planning was very stressful for me. One minute I was supermom, the next they were suggesting I see a shrink. One minute they agreed there was no better place than home for him, the next they were suggesting placing him in a nursing home. It was so up and down. It was emotional and draining. I spent a bit less time at the hospital (partially due to that, partially due to a bad cold). And Ryan has been grumpy. He seems upset with me for not being there as much and for him being in hospital. So it's been challenging at best.
But I think I've worked through most of the issues. I know that the agency will still drive me crazy but I think I can get past that. I know in my head what the big picture is and I know what is best for Ryan. And home is that place. And I am very excited.
His hospital room was one mass of cards. He received over 100 cards for his birthday - it was SO touching. Some from all over North America. Some people even had their kids make cards for him. It did my heart good too.
His dad has texted me once a week asking if he's been released yet. Not how he is doing or how I"m doing - just if he is at home. I just answered the question.
So - wish us good luck and ongoing good health for Ryan.
I'm so happy to hear that Ryan is coming home. And what a PITA for you to have to deal with others BS about your mental health and what's best for Ryan ... they should be HALF as stable and competent as you are! Doubt many of them would have handled a lifetime of the challenges of a handicapped child -- now man -- with such grace and mental fortitude.
I'm so glad that the govt will pay for the one months mattress rental so you can be sure it's worth such a huge investment. Obviously IF it does make Ryan's quality of life better it's worth it at any price.
Stay strong with that nursing head bully. You're all rested up again and more than a match for her. My money is always on YOU!
He was smiling today when I got there. His entire bed was filled with huge bags to bring home.
We stayed long enough to participate in the Hospital Olympics Award Ceremony. All the patients in his wing had their own version of wheelchair olympics. And Ryan got a bronze medal for bowling! How cool is that. Then we all toasted each other with punch. It was festive and fun. Not the doom & gloom of goodbyes.
I visited the Cupcake shoppe first and took in cupcakes and a big thank you card for everyone. I took the time to thank a few of the other patients too. One lady has alzheimers - she used to be a teacher. But she took the time to read to him when I was not there & sometimes when I arrived she was chastising him for "not listening to me". LOL - she thought he was her student. And he didn't understand her chastising him (nor did he care) - he just enjoyed her reading to him and reminding him to sit up straight.
Yes - I hate to admit it but the physio unit in that hospital was good for Ryan. He got jacuzzi tub baths (we don't have one here although we do have a hot tub with a lift that he can use). They had church, bingo, games, pet therapy, singsongs and even a guitarist who did Creedence Clearwater Revival night. So - in my mind - I pretended he was at Camp. But now he's home and his most gentle worker is with him and once the mattress is here - he can go for a walk to the park.
And the hospital discharge planner who had given me a hard time came to me today and said that after 3 meetings, several discussions and some serious thought - she realizes she was totally wrong about me. That I am a FANTASTIC mom and that Ryan is really lucky to have me. She also told me she's already had run-ins with THAT WOMAN and not to take any crap from her - that she is difficult with everyone but that I can stand up to her.
So needless to say - it all ended well.
And on another note - we're finally decluttering from our move. Had a successful Garage Sale in May. Now we finally put up some things on Kijiji - sold a washer, 2 dryers and now someone wants 3 wing chairs. So I still have a couple of loveseats, another recliner, a coffee table and some lamps - but this is HUGE> It has all been stored in the 3rd bay of our garage which for some reason is carpeted - previous owner had a sort of shop in there. Anyway - Josh came up with the brilliant idea of moving the stuff out and making it into a sort of gym for Ryan. His room is not huge in this house and there is lots of necessary stuff in there so working on walking isn't easy. However - the garage is big. Might not be so great in winter (although we can add a heater) but for now - it is perfect.
