a new perspective

[~ kd ~]

Thank goodness for 5 hr energy drinks!!

Of course, I've never tried the shots... they look so small... and pointless...

[strongerthanever]

Oh they work alright.

Ugh, need to vent do I can let this go...

a while back I made the decision to not put the girls in their older clothes. When switching them off with their dad. He has been keeping all of their nice clothes and is depleting what they have here. It cost me a lot of $ to buy them their clothes. He has kept all of their new shoes, sending them back in raggedy things. This switch he also neglected to send their sippy cupps, or diapers for d3 for the day.

I have not mentioned any of this to him, I simply send his personal stash of clothes/shoes back with them in the diaper bag, hoping he would mirror my example. I'm going to have to come out of pocket to replace everything he has kept.

[strongerthanever]

Totaly glad I vented here and not to h! Funny how 24 hours really helps.

I had a great first day with my girls. Their pizza and sitter showed up in perfect timing do that I could grab a pulled pork sandwich (yummm!) on my way to class.

My presentation last night went so well. My professor writes speeches for Collin Powell and has even spoken at the white house, and he could not say enough positives about me. I was beyond humbled and surprised. A long 4 hours later I went home to my sweet babies.

My 2 yr old ended up in my bed, which was nice BC let's admit it, anytime we get to cuddle with a warm body it's considered a treat! I'm off to enjoy cartoons before making some breakfast.

I hope everyone enjoys their day!

[strongerthanever]

Kind of confused about an interaction with H today. It's been 1 month since we ml and about 2 weeks since "the email", one week since he started being mean and disrespectful towards me.

I have made the decision NOT to speak to him on the phone, as he yells, curses and hangs up on me. He is silent all week and then will send a random text related to our children. The following took place today...

H-why don't you answer the phone
me-sry, busy
H-I won't say anything stupid just cuz ur around ur boyfriend
H-can you call me as soon as you can please
me-um no, Sophie spilled her milk all over the floor
H-lol omg i think she does that on pourpose
me-no I'm training her on a big girl cup
me-I'd rather you text vs you calling
H-why
me-it's just better this way, I don't have to deal with you being rude or hanging up on me
H-well I don't want to do that. I think it is a lot easier if we can just talk like adults
me-I agree, I just wish it were possible
H-it can be
me-I really tried, but I have my limits
H-well I really hope you change your mind cuz I need to talk to you about the babysitter ok. Have a good night at work
me-if you change the sitters all I need is the phone number so that I can call to gt the address and see how much I owe for the day
H-damn lol just talk to me
me-I'm not trying to be rude, this really is the extent of contact that I would prefer to have for now on
H-ok I can respect that, I'm sry I was disrespectful in the past


OK, seriously, what's up with the boyfriend comment? And why did he want me to talk to him so badly? There obviously wasnt anything to discuss bc he didnt continue with anything related to the girls or a babysitter.

Yes, I really do have to avoid phone conversations with him, and texting really IS the extent of contact I wish to have with him RIGHT NOW, as the person he is RIGHT NOW is not someone that I want to interact with. I'm not restricting him, just his recent treatment towards me. Should he choose to act in a more mature, respectful way then things will change.

What's tripping me up is the crazy unfounded boyfriend comment, and the fact that he wished me a good night at work (when he never even speaks to me). The whole statement that they are attracted to our backs is true, but crap.

Thank goodness I value my own life enough NOT to revolve around his random conversations, just wondering what KD or anyone else would read in between the lines here...

[strongerthanever]

One last thing, his line "it can be" really stands out. That's not part of his normal speech.

About a month ago H opened up about wanting us to be back together. 2 days later I asked him if he still felt that way, and he wasn't sure anymore. He asked something along the lines of our ability to have a great M again and I replied

"it can be"

Not mind reading and sure as hell am not basing my sense of well being on it, just curious

anyway, back to life

[MrBond]

"what's up with the boyfriend comment? And why did he want me to talk to him so badly?"

This is his insecurity talking. Usually those with OP will assume their LBS will be cheating on them. This lessens their own guilt and gives them someone else to blame.

" "it can be" "

Two different contexts. When you said it, you meant in reference that if the two of you worked at it, your M can be great.

In his context, he's putting the emphasis on just YOUR efforts based on the context of his text. He didn't apologize for his actions until the very end. So he's in a sense saying "it can be, if you weren't such a b@tch." I can kind of see what he was implying there.

So actually, you're in a good position. He's starting to think you're ripe for the taking. Any way you could enflame that? You want him to WANT you.

[strongerthanever]

Oh Mr bond you made me laugh with the bit¢h comment. I do see your point though. As for the op, the ow had been gone for
about a month..?

Hmmm how to make him want me...well it certainly isn't by being honest and avalible, that has always caused him to distance. By being distant and busy, possibly being in the company of someone else?

The funny thing is next week I'm seeing a movie with a guy friend. He really is a friend, nothing more. H doesn't know him though. I know he stalks my fb, I could possibly upload a pic? Idk. I'm assuming the make mentality wants what he has to work for...

[~ kd ~]

Pretty much what bond said.

STE, my W made a lot of efforts to talk in person with me or over the phone. There are a number of reasons that did not work for me, such as my own attachment and how convo would "go south" and also my W would say things in one convo and then different in another and I really thought I was going crazy.

Anyhow, I chose email only and that kept me both detached and also kept a record of what was said, so when my W would change her mind, I had evidence (strictly for my own peace of mind) of the contradictory information. And it also helped me to learn how to deflate my own emotional attachment and learn how to stay on focus with my W if things went in a bad direction.

And as I said, I agree with Bond, my W also at one point accused me of having an A. The whole convo shows the dynamic of the roller coaster or pursuit / distance. Good that you are choosing OFF the roller coaster.

Bond's last paragraph is spot on, IMHO. And further to that, only be "dim" as long as you need to, for you. Once you are stable, DO engage him in other forms of comm. The more access he has to you, the more he sees your changes and the good of you... well, the it may have positive results...

Just understand that while he is pursuing, he may get uncomfortable in his desire for you and spew again. It's likely his way of trying to protect himself... he has his reasons to spew and they are NOT about you... If he's spewing... he's likely struggling internally...

[~ kd ~]

[quote=strongerthanever]
The funny thing is next week I'm seeing a movie with a guy friend. He really is a friend, nothing more. H doesn't know him though. I know he stalks my fb, I could possibly upload a pic? Idk. I'm assuming the make mentality wants what he has to work for.../quote]

Mystery, not jealousy is what you might focus on. You don't need to upload a pick. Just, if the topic of your where abouts on that day come up, just say, "at the movies" and leave the convo. If he snoops on you and finds out, you might expect spew... or you might get more pursuit...

Do, observe, adjust... it's the DB way...

[strongerthanever]

Gonna mystery it up

As if I haven't been already, hehe. And don't worry, I'm still coated in anti-spew. That stuff just isn't attractive.

Thanks for the insight

PS, you know what else is cool? Not worrying if my detachment, happiness and demand for respect as a person pisses him off! His dark cloud is not my problem!