I agree and disagree. It was well written but some of it is written to be a door matt.
DB is about gaining self respect. So you are strong enough to overcome the current issues and be able to come to the table to work on your marriage.
1) This is about boundaries and enforcing them. And should be a reminder to never leave your home. ( Unless there is abuse... Then yes you should be removed from the home or they or one of you gets to safety ) You do not force them to make a decision just like they do not force you to make a decision. It is called choices.
2) Accept that you are to blame for only your faults in the marriage. Do not fix or excuse your spouses faults. Learn to determine what is real issues and what is just a rewrite as a justification for poor actions , poor boundaries and possibly poor boundaries with the opposite sex ( or same). Do not take the blame for the marriage falling apart.
3) Very True. But you can determine the price of admission.
4) Act like everything thing is going to be okay: For you.
5) Very true
6) Very True
7)I think this is flawed. To be a good parent and a good spouse you need to have self esteem and be sure of yourself. You need to have strong boundaries and you need to be consistent in your actions. Be a better person. Through being calm and respectful and standing up for yourself.
8) Accept reality. Majority of these marriages end in divorce. Sometimes you marry a person who is not a good spouse. Learn your lessons and move on. Some people live in limbo until they accept reality. Some take crumbs and end up here again because they set themselves up in a marriage where they no longer have any say and the first chance of problems or tradeupitus comes along they are back to square one because the only consequence of their WAS actions was that they got to go have some fun with another person for awhile. Then they came back and expect you to toe their line. Some drop the rope and re-gain self esteem. Then when WAS comes back to work on the marriage. They have an equal voice and have the concept of deciding if it is what they want as well , the person and the marriage.
Some of these items take time to learn.
I do understand it is perspective.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
2) Accept that you are to blame for only your faults in the marriage. Do not fix or excuse your spouses faults. Learn to determine what is real issues and what is just a rewrite as a justification for poor actions , poor boundaries and possibly poor boundaries with the opposite sex ( or same). Do not take the blame for the marriage falling apart.
Chatterbug, while your WHOLE post was beautifully written, this particular piece REALLY hit home for me today. After so much sweet communication from my WAW, last week I got hit with a tsunami of "You never fought for me" stuff. I won't hijack this thread with my own sitch (although I'd LOVE to hear from you guys on my threads) I wanted to thank you for this, as it's given me heart today.
