Going okay! I enjoy being near my grandchildren, and my D25. My S25 came with for a couple of weeks too.
How are you doing?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I went on anti-depressants, starting Friday. Wellbutrin. I'm hoping it helps get me out of this paralized fog I'm in.
Last few nights STBXH watched TV with me, not sure who started it. It makes me feel stupid. He is just playing the "let's be friends" game. I keep letting him. Several of those nights the kids and grandkids were around.
Today we talked a little about the divorce papers. It is so hard to stay calm and collected through these discussions. I did. He complained that he will be left with very little cash. That he will have to live on the boat for a few months. He is so silly and melodramatic. He will have enough money the first month to rent or buy a place.
I said to him that he will have plenty of money. He said that I had the checkbook. I told him, with a laugh in my voice, that the check book lays on the desk and it is open for him to look at. Then I said something silly. I said: "you know if we sat down and looked at it together we could talk about it."
Oh dopey me, thinking he could actually have a conversation with me. After 32 years of marriage, why start now?
I'm headed out to a baby shower with my DIL. Yesterday I went up to Pokai Bay and did my standup paddeling for a total of 1 hour and 15 minutes. 45 and 30! It was beautiful, I spent time with my best friends and some other friends. I know that life is good!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Our H's won't change, Wendy. Far be it for them to have a grown-up conversation with their wives. My H also plays the "let's be friends" game, and I'm not having it anymore. I will be going to a mediator when I return home. I've told him to expect it after I, once again, asked him if he wanted to try again. He hummed and hawed about it's always the same thing ... when I'm happy, he's unhappy and visa versa ... I told him that's marriage, and if we could just sit down and discuss our problems things would've been far better. He just said he's not going to try again, so I told then that's it then.
I'm pretty angry right now, of the waste of time. I have bruises from kicking myself, but love is love, and we do the weirdest things for it ... even wasting time waiting and hoping they'll come back. I'm over it now.
Take care of yourself. I'm glad you're getting all that exercise.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm just stepping through the paces, here. Thinking about all that is happening. Trying to wrap my head around the parts I did wrong. Trying to not worry about what I perceive as what STBXH did wrong. Because it just doesn't matter.
STBXH signed the papers yesterday. Then sat and watched TV with the family, both boys, S22's new girlfriend, DIL, grandkids. I stayed in my room this morning, came out to see he had thoughtfully written Bananas and Orange Juice on my grocery list. I just laughed to myself.
I need to make decisions. And that is the hard part. I've been thinking too hard.
And I somehow or another got pleurisy again. Haven't had it in years. So I am hanging out catching up on DVR stuff because it hurts to move and breath.
My anniversary is this week, along with my granddaughter's birthday. Same day, so bittersweet. It would have been 32 years. I guess it is 32 years, just not 32 happy years. The lawyer says it will be 4-8 weeks from when he files it. So I will be a single woman soon. For synchronicity the law office will probably file it on that same day.
I told this story before, but the very day STBXH and I were married my paternal grandmother passed away. And my ring was her ring she had given to my dad and asked that I be married with. The hallmark inside the ring is "HALLMARK". Makes me smile.
Okay, enough poor, poor, me. It will all work out. I have been very lucky so far in this life. I have been studying Buddhism. I go to a meditation class at the Tibetan Buddhist Temple. I am realizing that I just need to be what I always have been. I am a generous, happy person. I smile at everyone. Usually they smile back.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Sorry to hear that you are ailing. My aniversary is this week too! It would be 5 years. The way it is going, I am betting that the papers will be ready to sign that day.
I hope your day goes better!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Wendy, I am sorry to hear that you are under the weather. I hope you will be feeling better soon. Stress has a way of taking its toll on our bodies. Try to get as much rest as you can.
I'm sorry to hear that he signed the papers.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So I got through today, our 32nd anniversary, without saying one thing to STBXH about what day it was. We had a huge party for our granddaughter, because it is also her 5th birthday.
He seemed to want to talk this evening. I didn't.
Tomorrow I return the giant bounce house style slip and slide the boys set up to slide down our hill. I went down it a few times, WHAT FUN!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wendy, So sorry for you about today - and yet so happy as well.
What a great day you and your granddaughter had. What joy.
Sort of a message there for all of us - we can choose to be happy or choose to be sad, in a sense. May sound glib and sometimes it's bloody hard to focus on the things we can be grateful for, but is there any other way to get through?
Wendy you are always so inspiring! H and I's anniversary is in September (10 years) and it's already in the back of my mind how hard that day will be. I can't imagine 32 years, the pain must be immense, but you have chosen to rise above it, enjoy your granddaughters birthday and not let it consume you! You are an amazing woman Wendy.
