hmmm - i will have to think about that!! right now i'm not seeing it!
i'm so proud of myself - got my head out of my A$$ - sorry to be crude but that's where it was , and got on with my day.
i was watching myself just wanting to slip back into the old comfort of withdrawing and cancelling intern and just "focusing " on myself - but saw what i was doing and just consciously chose not to do it.
good breakthrough for me!!
then i found myself thinking - the old habits want to take over, but i've come far enough to recognize my demons, and i actually cannot indulge them any more
chop off their heads with an axe!!!
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Hey Zig forget that other guy...Cainer has this to say: You will be happy to hear that, this weekend, life does not require you to wrestle with a crocodile or jump from a plane with a parachute on your back. You can undertake such challenges if you wish to but they really are not necessary. You simply have to pit yourself against a problem that seems almost as scary but which is actually much more psychological than physical. You have to do something you don't really want to do and put a smile on your face while you do it. Your chances of success are surprisingly high
so success awaits!! go forth with turtles by your side! hugs
so smile on my face it is - you are a total sweetheart, dear girl!!
so another achievement - i got scammed this morning from one of those companies from which i'd bought a domain name who secretly signed me up for a full website package at some horrendous cost.
perseverance was definitely by me while that was going on!!!
took me a while to work through - but just finished dealing with it and scammed them back!! well, not really - found out through paypal that they can secretly set up a billing agreement where they take the money, when you buy that first thing. so she was only too delighted to cancel the "secret" billing agreement for me pronto.
whew - my whole week has been crazy phone calls with big companies trying to figure stuff out - no wonder i was so exhausted last night!!
this little adventure today took up over an hour of my time!!
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
just had a great evening with my sweet friend - her boys are out of town and she's been holed up writing her dissertation. turned out she wasn't taking care of herself too much so she came over for dinner and we both talked about what complete slobs we are when the boys are away
we even tried to one-up each other on how sloppy we each are - but it was pretty even and we both had a good laugh
it was really nice to hang out with her - haven't seen anyone except my young intern all week. haven't seen s either, which feels strange and there's been complete silence from that front since yesterday!
though i was so busy hanging out with friend that i completely forgot to call and say good night to him - that's a first!
the rest of my day got better and better - and in the evening i was happy to have a really beautiful new pattern that i developed which made me feel really good
i am conscious of the transition ahead tomorrow, when i pick up s from his class h will drop him off in the morning, and then leave for his trip.
other times he has stopped by - to drop s's things off. i don't know if he will tomorrow or not. if he does - i'm sort of wondering if i should hug him good bye in a rather friendly manner
brit" what's your scope on that, eh? with a slightly flirty friendly smile on my fee and send him off with a pat on the rump? or is that overdoing it?
i'm back in my good space again - and surprised to find myself even more detached.
unbidden - success is already beginning to be here for sure - i feel it in every moment that i turn my focus towards the right things to focus on.
how are you?
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
yeah right - and then i woke up this morning and my horoscope said
A partner, either business or romantic, might be in a foul humor today and won't be very likely to tell you why. It won't be all that easy to deal with, but it probably doesn't relate to any trouble between you. Therefore it's best to let your partner work it out on their own. Take care to stay cool and keep a safe distance between you, at least for today. The mood should pass by tomorrow.
of course - there is the "simple" detail - is h my partner still or not?
maybe it's my intern!!
i had a good laugh when i read that. a really good laugh!!
you know, he expects me to be f'ed up about these trips - in fact keeps insisting that i am and can't possibly not be. so how enthusiastically should i let him know that it's no big deal - that we aren't together and haven't been for a long time and of course i'm happy that he gets to spend time with someone he cares about.
heck. i'm about to throw out - happy break up anniversary honey. oh i know - i think i'll invite him over for dinner on BD day!! i actually think i'm ready to toast to that - it was the day i started my transformation - how can i not celebrate?
actually come to think of it i think i'll have a party at the house and invite all the wonderful people in my life who have walked by my side during this last year
yeah yeah yeah - probably will give him a hug - that's if he comes anywhere near me....
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
