Been posting in newcomers for almost a year. Our divorce is well under way. Going to court July 19th for economic mediation and August 7th for child custody mediation. I have decided to buy the house from W. She doesn't want it. Today it's being assessed so I can get a mortgage. Money is gonna be tight will see how it goes. One issue is custody. My D will be 16 this year. In NJ she gets to decide where she spends most of her time, if I understood that correctly. My L asked when did I want to close on the place. I said ASAP. Hoping W will move out. This living together but separate really has been hard.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Welcome to our corner of the world. I have been here FOREVER! I just hang around to see how everyone is doing and periodically complain about my ex.
Sounds like you have pretty good legal counsel and that's a biggie!
I had a friend here who was separated but still living in the same house. It was REALLY difficult for him. I hope your assessment goes well so you can get the mortgage and get her moved out. If you have the house - it will likely increase your chance of your D wanting to stay with you but have you asked her what she wants to do? It is SO hard on the kids. My 3 stayed with me but then - their dad didn't want them so there was no choice to make. And they did not want to meet OW (still DON'T).
The $ stuff usually works out ok in the end although no one really gets richer. It is a bit tight for a while. I stressed in the beginning but it settled down over time once I had a budget figured out.
Buying the house from W may be a good idea in this market, but be careful you don't get in over your head just because you're attached to the house.
If you haven't had economic mediation yet, how can you know if you can afford the house? What if you get hit with a very large alimony payment, for instance? Will you have enough money left over to handle any emergency house repairs? How old is the roof/water heater/etc?
I'm just trying to caution you to look at it objectively, as if you were buying a new house, and make sure you're not getting in over your head for sentimental reasons.
If you keep the house, can you get a roommate to help with expenses?
Sorry you are here, I know it's very difficult - but it gets better. Honest.
Thanks for the input guys. That is exactly why I needed to move over here where the experience exists. I do have very good friends that I met on this BB and who have gone through this and are educating me.
The house is paid for and all included will costs about the same as if I rented a place. The house is only 9 years old so things are pretty good. W will be paying me for alimony she makes much more than I do. She will pay for about 8 years. That was decided in out 1st court hearing. Not a lot but enough to offset child support. If my D stays with me most of the time I may get child support also. I can get a room mate but I will wait and see how the money goes. I can aslo get a part time job.
Yeap this has been very hard but I got me here now is time to come out on the other side.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Hey rick, Just checking in. Sounds like you are getting down to the wire on this thing. Are you sure you are not going to have any problems staying in the old place with all its memories? Everyone is different on this, just curious.
Hope you are holding up well in this weather, have you been out flying lately?
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
KML- I have some career goals but not in a rush to change right now. But i do have some plans. I went to an IC for about 6 months and that went ok. My social life is pretty good, TBH some weekends I just collapse from doing stuff. The one thing that I'm working on is connecting with my D and being a better father. Never realized how uninvolved I was until this happened. Allways left her school and other things up to W. Not because I didn't want to be involved it just caused friction between us. We have different views as to how to raise her. So that is a main focus.
Gunny- I will be ok staying in the house. I will make it mine and dress it up like I want so. I'm exited bout that. I think it will be good for my D to have a stable place that she knows. yeap I fly when I can but it's been too hot. And yes the D is coming to the wire. I thought we would have been divorced and her gone by now. But nope we still in the house and I don't think she even knows when or where she is going. Last year when all this happened she had a realtor and was utting the place on the market. But she has slowed down. Good hearing from you
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Tomorrow we have economic mediation. Kind of nervous about it. The house was assessed last week and waiting to hear if I'm being approved. Somethings u may not know.
W continues to cook dinner and serves me. Wish I could post some pics. She stopped making breakfast. And about 3 weeks ago she moved into the guest room after 1 year on the couch? She walks into the MBR to shower. I sleep in the nude. That bothers me.
I don't think she has looked for a place. Sunday I asked her for nookie. She didn't like that. But I just had to. Lol
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
