No Expectations, No Plans, No Timeline

[any chance?]

Brit:
Sounds like you are doing great! Do me a favor and check back on my thread....you made some points that I think are pretty important in my sitch, and I would like your feedback...thanks much..

AC

[~ kd ~]

Brit:
Sounds like you are doing great! Do me a favor and check back on my thread....you made some points that I think are pretty important in my sitch, and I would like your feedback...thanks much..

AC

Brit, I think this is absolutely a testament to how well you are doing, even if you don't always feel like it.

Between your and zig's progress over the past month or so, I really believe you have a lot to offer other members here...

Might even have to start calling you a "vet"... lol...

[Brit45]

KD I didn't know you were a comdien haha

AC I wil have a look. I'n very flattered that you'd want my input!

Woke up from very strange dreams about H and GF. Perhaps I shouldn't have looked at his FB page before bed. It was very boring....no more couple updates, no more checking in, since last weekend he's made no posts except his views on something political and she changed her profile pic from the two of them to HER CAT! Not reading anything into it. Just giggling slightly to myself.

Very happy because it's July! And I've been looking forward to July for ages! I have do many cool things coming up personally and professionally! I am so thankful to be in exactly the place I am now getting to be a part of these projects! So today I am thankful for living in the UK, my amazing job, the fact that I am healthier than I have been in years, for my house it's great location and affordability, and my S.

[needgrace]

LOVE your gratitude list. We do have so much to be thankful for, and even the things we don't appreciate so much are a way to grow.

How can you not read anything into his/her FB page? I know that I actively try not to read anything into what my W says but I found my hope lifted when she said in an email that she does not know where she is going to be living in the next year. (may mean she is not sure about moving back to be with OW??)

So how do you not read anything into FB or other news??!!? Share your secret.

[Brit45]

Because reading into things only does two things: make me neurotic thinking about all the possibilities and 2) gives me expectations which always bites me in the ass.

You don't know if your w is saying she might be moving because OW has a new job who knows. Don't read into it.

Today it was raining windy and miserable. And when I walked home I felt happy why? Because I don't feel like I felt a few weeks ago. And if that isn't worth celebrating I don't know what is!

I also had a thought today I don't miss H as a lover or a H I don't know it's something more. He was everything familiar and safe and he was home. And his smile...it isn't for me anymore. And I know mine stopped being for him a long time ago. But I know certain things will always remind both of us of this love we had...we were flawed partners. I know that. I'm being mushy because honestly I remember feeling rejected and isolated and emotionally shut out during the marriage. I just miss that intimacy with him...but I guess I started missing that years ago

[needgrace]

I'm just saying that even by noticing changes of photos on FB or types of posts, isn't it impossible not to feel something? Or have you reached detachment?

Would you have felt something if the photos/posts had been all about them together?

I am just not that detached yet.

[vera be fierce]

It's too easy to read in things that aren't there on FB. I blocked H from my feed and don't check his account anymore. He posts like he's a teenager and it's just annoying to watch. I actually used to use FB pretty heavily and deactivated my account last year. I logged back on recently to send someone a message (I don't have their other contact info) but that's it, so I feel pretty detached from FB itself if not the people on there. You just have to will yourself not to look. It's not easy but I've found it's better for my PMA.

[Brit45]

No it's impossible not to feel something. I felt a bit smug that she had reverted back to a cat photo rather than one of them. I felt smug that this week she hadn't been "checking" him in everywhere or maybe their eating out nonstop had come to an end. But I made myself not go down the rabbit hole of thinking what it could mean or what they're doing etc.

Trust me I am not at some new level of detachment. I just don't let myself read into things......99% of the time I'm wrong and 100% of the time I'm spending more time thinking about whatever/whoever I'm obsessing over than they are thinking of me!

[needgrace]

yes, smug is a good word. i love how adept you are at describing your feelings, Brit.

and I got in my car this morning and made my gratitude list. thanks for the reminder.

smug... i feel that way too sometimes. but for me, it means that i have already fallen down the rabbit hole.

i am off fb too.. my W sounds like Vera's H with all the postings/updates/comments. it is better for my PMA too if I don't see it. I do miss some of the social aspect of it, especially with trying to GAL, but it is just not worth it to me now, too many close connections to W and OW to be comfortable for me. I can't wait till I am detached enough not to care.

Wish there was a magic detachment pill to take!

[any chance?]

Brit:
Thanks for responding to my post. I feel that my xW is in a very similar situation to yours, and so I find the need to ask: do you harbor even the remotest possibility of R with your H? Or have you simply moved onto a completely different space, and he is a part of your history.

I know I should not be trying to read things into my sitch, but your comments hit home......