i think ng is right - something is evolving within you - and you can ride it out . the "i want to confront" mood - i think it takes over sub-consciously - i'm beginning to see it as a defense mechanism within myself. when i have to face something within myself, which is difficult - then my own self-protective mechanism kicks in, and i start looking outward for things to focus on so that i can try to avoid the growth and the pain of it.
eventually the lesson or growth is forced on one anyway - but the fighting part of it that we do, just makes the process that much more painful.
so don't fight what's brewing within you - as pema says, lean into it and the less you resist it, the less painful the bump will be.
so hang in there, friend, and just try to float a bit until it passes, and trust that it will pass and you will be one step closer to yourself
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Again, I think it's the unknown. I'm changing and it may be that I'm getting to the "this isn't working for me" stage of the journey and that's unsettling.
In the past, I've always handled unsettling things by changing something, and changing them sooner rather than later. In many ways I created chaos around me. Chaos may be too strong but things were never quite settled because they weren't perfect yet. I kept adjusting trying to get to perfect and then I could relax.
And guess what, I never got there. That put a lot of pressure on the marriage because H is a pretty settled kind of no drama guy.
So just sitting with things and letting events unfold is a challenge for me.
wow, thank you for writing this. you could have been describing me. Remember when I talked about my wacky schemes and plans, the next big thing. I thought it was part of my fun personality, the fact that I was a DOer. I don't look at it that way anymore. If I was planning something (a big party, a vacation, a move, a new job) then I didn't have to just exist with myself in the everyday. I read something (don't remember where) about how planning something like a vacation to have something to look forward to in order to escape the reality of right now. And I realized how true that was. I would get back from travelling and need to book the next trip.
I really enjoyed your list of what's changed in 6 months or the positives about your sitch. I think it's KEY to write down and keep a list of the positives. It's very easy to think that because the sitch isn't where we want it that it's bad....but actually it has come a long way whether in communication or personal growth.
If I was planning something (a big party, a vacation, a move, a new job) then I didn't have to just exist with myself in the everyday Always changing something and moving on to something else meant I never had to look to see what was really going on inside me.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
hmm - your response to what brit wrote - made me think immediately - isn't that exactly what the WAS is doing
WE are not doing that now are we? We are just slowly slowly uncovering all these little things and seeing them for what they are and learning and growing and allowing all this understanding
we should hug ourselves and each other (virtually!!) for being able to do that.
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I went to work yesterday and was able to do some mindless work and some meaningful work. That helped.
All the advice and support here helped.
It's when I lose sight of my SELF that I fall in those holes. To be expected occasionally, I guess.
I did watch 2 interesting movies yesterday. The Artist, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It's black and white, mostly silent, takes place 1927-1932. Loved the costumes, the setting, the hair, the story.
Jeff, Who Lives at Home (Jason Segel, Ed Helms) is not the wacky brother movie you might expect from these two. It's quirky, humorous and touching, but also a bit simplistic. Gave some interesting views of relationships of all kinds.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Fear. I don't know the answer and as I said, the unknown is a scary place for me.
[quote=labug] Again, I think it's the unknown. I'm changing and it may be that I'm getting to the "this isn't working for me" stage of the journey and that's unsettling.
I have started to question my fear of the unknown..Is it truly the fear of the unknown or has your imagination filled in some unpleasant scenario of the unknown and that is what you fear?
