Tomorrow is 1 week I haven't looked at his FB page. It went pretty quick. Yesterday I randomly thought about once he told me that he could tell me good things about his GF and their R but didn't want to hurt my feelings. And I remembered when we met he'd had an on/off 5 year R and he told me crazy things about her. And I wondered how he could have stayed with someone like that for so long. And I thought I wonder what he says about me to GF if she thinks that. Because she's younger and obviously a bit silly taking on this man paying for everything etc. Anyway I just thought how this has taught me there's always more to the story don't be blinded by what you want to hear look better at te motives behind the stories people tell about themselves. The next 2-3 months are going to he quite busy for me. I have exciting work projects, my friend's wedding, my mom's visiting, I'm really happy about that. I'm getting back that WAW feeling when I felt free, like the world was my oyster, happy that I being dragged down by him. I felt a smudge of that last night walking home. I feel confident and happy. I happened to be in a place yesterday afternoon that I'd always dreaded going. And I thought wow I was SO insecure why did I not feel comfortable here before? No one here is better than me! I'm not sure if it was the weight gain or the codependency but I'm so happy to not feel that anymore
I like your post too. I have often wondered what it is like to feel like WAW in terms of detachment. In a weird way- do you think that is what we are kinda of trying to get to in terms of detachment?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I explained before how I felt when I was a WAW. There was this euphoria of being FREE. Because of so long I'd felt weighed down by him, unhappy, depressed, repressed, abandoned, I'd put myself 2ed. But I massively felt guilty for being the one to end it, for knowing that he was unhappy, worried that he wouldn't be able to stand on his own two feet, and unsure if I'd made the right decision. But I clung to the excitement of being free and blocked out the bad feelings. It's funny me and my friend joke about it now as my "lean wolf" time. I wasn't a happy content person I was clawing at any time of happiness.
When it all caught up to me and I started having panic attacks, cried uncontrollably etc, I used to wonder how I could be the same person that felt that feeling before...but it was all false.
Now I do feel confident and happy and excited about the future but in a much different way. I feel like the see saw has levelled out a bit and it still teeters both ways but overall I'm much more level.
good for you brit. im glad to hear your see saw has leveled out. mine is broken. that is ok. god has a plan for me. what it is, i have no idea. he will show me when the time is right. that i know
hi brit, way to go with fb! awesome! i love how you are able to reframe things in such a positive way. you consistent do it so well.
where someone (often mo ) could focus on being alone with all the weight that word has, you change your focus to being free. i love that and am going to try it myself. i am free! thanks, brit ((( )))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I just got back from a run! I'm training for a 10 mile race the farthest I've ever done is 5K so this is a good goal. The trail I chose took me through the field where H dropped the bomb and I was crying and acting psycho. I haven't been there since and that was the end of May. I went anyway and it looks different! and at the other end was an old couple sitting on a bench and I thought that'll be me one day and we smiled at each other. I doubled back and spotted someone else running on the trail and as they got closer....oh my....major hottie alert. I sorta smiled and he looked slightly embarrassed and I kept going and left the field. Anyway I always get a bit philosophical and I just thought I was nervous about how I would feel. That the field would always hold negative memories and instead I wasn't met with flashbacks of my pain but with a picture of enduring love...and a hot man. So thank you universe!!!
I have only started feeling "free" again recently and it's been nice. I try to make an effort to say things in my head like I love my house, and my new mantra "I might be the happiest girl in the world" I don't know it makes me smile and I say it a lot!
) could focus on being alone with all the weight that word has, you change your focus to being free. i love that and am going to try it myself. i am free! thanks, brit ((( )))