One step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

[Fightfire00]

Thanks, Lost... I am still struggling with the Time thing... seems like an eternity since all this started...

Swaps in the past: she would usually come to the house and lay down on the couch at 530am so I could go to work at the fire station and let the boys sleep... but she isn't sure she want's to do that anymore, which means me waking the boys at 5am, getting them into the car and meeting her at gas station to swap them so that I can get to work on time... I have a 45 minute drive...

I have been doing things when I don't have the boys... learned to pray the rosary... joined a men's bible study... and been to a couple of movies... bought some new clothes, and W got such a good deal on her new car, I went and bought one too... hybrid so I will be getting 40mpg on the highway... which will save me some money... trying to get the house refinanced to lower my payment and have reconnected with friends...

I am doing all that I can... and I'm praying every day, that God's Will be done in this... I know in my heart that He has meant us to be together... and I also know in His time, he will fix this... I'm doing my best to give Him thanks, because I know that He already has this figured out and is talking to W every day... she will start to listen before long...

I'm also looking at getting a part time job to work the days I'm off from the Fire station... that will be tough because W is using me as her primary care for the boys (which I love, they spend a LOT of time with me and I love it), but if I get another job, I won't see them as much... but I will have to do what I have to do to survive...

will see what happens...

thanks again for the encouraging words, Lost... means a lot, as I have very little support here... thank you and God Bless...

with faith, be good and stay safe..

[Fightfire00]

did not have a good day... got home from work this morning and found that W had taken more things to her apartment... not sure why stuffed animals and school uniforms hurt so much... I'm trying so very hard not to let her actions dictate my day, but it still hurts... then oldest Son told me that when school starts, they will be staying with W through the week, and with me only on weekends... I've been told by a few teachers that this is what's best for the kids and their school work, but I would have liked to be included in a decision about this... it seems W is still in complete control and though I am LBS, I have NO say... I cried in the bathroom away from the boys...

still praying, learned to say the rosary... trying very hard to keep the faith that W will come home at some point...

i have to keep telling myself it's only been 2 months... she just moved out 5 weeks ago... but it seems like an eternity... and I HATE when therapist tells me that no matter what I do, even if it's 100% perfectly right, that she still may not come home...

harsh reality I guess... I sincerely hope that it does get easier... not sure I will have enough gas in the tank to keep going as long as it takes if it doesn't get easier... and i know what will be said, detach, detach, detach... I've tried, I honestly have, I just don't know how do do that and still love her with all my heart..

I guess it comes with practice... I don't know... which is the hardest thing of all for me to deal with... the not knowing...