Barn's burnt down--

[labug]

Yes, SIAS, I was thinking of her when I wrote that.

[jbnati]

Hi, I'm Vera, and I'm also a recovering controlaholic.

I can certainly resemble this remark. The operative part being recoverING. I think there's a lot of freedom in realizing that you can't control someone else's actions.

I began to realize how much disappointment, discontent, blame I invited into my life by trying to control everything.

Because I can't control everything and when things didn't go my way, who did I blame? Who was disappointed? Who felt like a failure over and over?

Yep. I know what you mean. When you lay down those bags, the disappointment, discontent, and blame all go away.

[RoRoinMD]

I had an interesting conversation with my IC yesterday. I never really showed gratitude or appreciation to my kids for doing what was "expected" because that was hmmmm, minimum standards and you only got gratitude/appreciation if you went over and above.

Didn't want to coddle them.

What utter BS! We all want to be appreciated and seen as valuable.

Holding back appreciation in expectation of better output is controlling.

Getting rid of that need to control is a bit like killing ants. You swat and swat and still they come, seemingly out of nowhere. Then you get some spray and that seems to work for a while, but then 1 appears, then 2, then 3. D@mn!

You have to follow them to the source and take action there.

Same with my controlling tendencies, find the source and work on that.

You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. Just no idea. Thank you for being you and sharing what you're learning about yourself. I always learn something about myself by reading your thoughts.

Love ya Bugsy!

[bustingout]

Reading these posts--- it has taken me so long to realise how my actions and words were perceived as controlling. My H used to say to me I was preaching. I guess he meant I was telling him what to do...I.e. Being controlling. I never saw it. Didn't 'hear' him. I used to be so stressed out with worry.

Let go.......

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Barn's burnt down, now I can see the moon

Wow...I guess Masahide was even better at finding the silver lining than I am?

I actually stopped by beacuse of the title, I thought for a brief second that the barn on fire was an alternative version of "Ladybug Ladybug fly away home..."

and I am a nursery rhyme; fairy tale junkie...

I am also...like many of you a recovering control freak.
It also hit me while reading this...just how helpful not having a working edit button is in this regard...well for you guys : ) I have been sorely tempted at times to fix my posts so it doesn't read like English is a my 3rd langauge. Yes Jack speak English gooder.


I have been able to resist so far.

[Rick1963]

"have been sorely tempted at times to fix my posts so it doesn't read like English is a my 3rd langauge. Yes Jack speak English gooder"

Jack I thought you were talking abut me here^^^.lol. Just ask Labug.
So our jobs now is to become slobbs, right? I'm well on my way.

[Mach1]

Jack I thought you were talking abut me here^^^.lol.

Rick, I understand you....because of Jack


: )

[Jack_Three_Beans]

So our jobs now is to become slobbs, right? I'm well on my way.

Well, if you want I suppose. : )

I look at it more like: To give up control of that which truly doesn't matter. To give up the illusion of control of that which you simply cannot control anyway...and to not miss either one.

[sayitaintso]

Well I still can never understand Rick.

If I never met him I would assume he had Vienna sausage fingers.

[labug]

He does speak his own language.