Husband Filed for Divorce Today

[Jessica M.]

How do I react when WAH asks if I hate him? I don't but I am very upset with him, of course. I think he is suffering a MLC but I'm not positive. I tell him of course I don't hate him. No one does. I'm hurt more than anything. If he reaches out I don't want to be emotionally distant because I'm afraid that will make things worse. I need to go to bed instead of worrying about these things.

Jessica

[Jessica M.]

WAH came over again today before work. He called first and apologized because he had just woken up. Today went really well. I did not get upset or act needy or heartbroken. I even went to the post office to pick up the divorce papers (I had a certified letter slip in my mailbox on Friday and couldn't get it until today). We talked very calmly about the fact that an initial court date hasn't been set and that it would be nice if it could wait until I'm done training for my new job. We sat together and watched our daughter play. It was pleasant.

Got my 'The Divorce Remedy' book today and started reading it. I am so excited! It seems very practical and informative so far.

Can't wait to hear other people's advice!

Jessica

[Jessica M.]

How is the best way to get encouragement and advice here? It takes awhile for my posts to appear because of moderation (which I understand and can imagine it is a huge job with all the posts) but by the time my posts show up, the thread ends up being way down the line.

WAH was here again today. He actually came over straight from getting off 2nd shift and stayed the night because I had to go to work this morning to get a drug test and physical. He even slept in the same bed with me. That was weird. We didn't talk till after I got home and he got home from the park with our daughter. He picked us up food and was really nice. I am very stressed out about getting child care for our daughter because I won't be working normal 9-5 hours and there is not a lot available around here. He said we would figure it out.

We've been very pleasant with each other and I'm trying not to show any negative emotions. It hasn't been that hard when he's here but I'm struggling when it's me and my daughter. I am exhausted, emotionally and physically, and feel like I have nothing to give right now. It makes me feel even worse because I have less than a week until I start work and am not a SAHM anymore. I should be doing as much as I can with her this week but there really isn't much to give right now. It makes me so mad that my husband is putting us in this situation. But I'm trying to stay strong so I don't break down!

I need encouragement!

Jessica

[sweetbabyred]

There are a lot of more knowledgeable people on the site who can give you R advice, but I'll try to help with moderation.

It can be very frustrating to have to wait until your posts appear. For now, use the site to journal anytime you think of having any R talk with your H. I'm not one to call friends and vent, plus my H was my best friend, so it's been very helpful to get it all out here.

The more frequently you post, the sooner you will get off moderation and then your posts will appear instantly, increasing your chances of getting replies.

[Jessica M.]

Thanks! That makes a lot of sense! It has been helpful to write everything down and get it off my chest.

[~ kd ~]

Hi Jessica.

SBR has provided you with good information for getting the support you need.

If you can keep your posts short, post a couple times a day (and journal if you need) and also if you engage others with support in their threads, that will help encourage others to engage on your thread and also help get you off moderation, quicker.

[vera be fierce]

Hi Jessica -

My H also asked if my parents hated him after he made his decision for D. I told him they didn't (they don't). It sounds like your H may be worried about being considered the "bad guy" in this situation. You can't really control how he feels about that but you can say that you don't hate him, if that's true, which it sounds like it is.

One of the things my DB coach recommended was not showing any negative reaction to getting the divorce papers (crying/screaming/yelling/etc.). I can do that on my own time. As my coach and many others around here have said - it's just a piece of paper.

25yearsmlc has given you some great advice on the previous page of this thread. Go back and re-read it if you feel like you need a little boost.

Are you seeing an IC?

[Jessica M.]

Makes sense. I have a hard time knowing what to say to other people. I guess I just need to support and emphasize because I really don't have any advice.

[Jessica M.]

My husband says it's okay if everyone thinks he's the bad guy. I tell him that no one hates him that they are all just sad for our situation. My parents are angry with him but do not hate him.

I was very calm about receiving the divorce papers and we actually were able to calmly discuss a few things about them.

25yearsmlc did give some great advice. I will need to re-read the advice.

I hope we have a good day today when he comes over. Not sure when that will be.

Is an IC a counselor? I am not seeing a counselor currently.

Jessica

[Jessica M.]

Journal Entry:

I am frustrated because he hasn't called today to see our daughter. I made a mistake and called him and left a VM seeing if he was coming over before work. I was very upbeat and did not criticize. I also said if he didn't have time to come over maybe we could all grab lunch before hand. I hope I didn't make too big of a mistake by calling. It's strange that he hasn't called back yet. I hope he doesn't oversleep for work. He has a lot of sleep problems with doing swing shift. Trying not to be frustrated. It would make her happy if she could see him.

I'm going to church tonight so hopefully that helps.

I got a letter saying that Legal Services could not accept my case because their caseload is too big. Now I need to figure something else out. More stress!